It took a lot of willpower to toss my hand up in a wave and casually turn around and head toward the kitchen, but I made myself do it. I shouldn’t be having connections with Kiera, no matter how nice it felt. Some pleasures I’d just have to deny myself.
Finding a notebook in the junk drawer of the kitchen, I pulled it out, sat at the table, and started writing down lyrics. Phrases and phrases about kaleidoscope eyes were tumbling through my mind. I thought I could write an entire song about Kiera’s ever-shifting eye color. That would be highly inappropriate though. Maybe I’d change it to another color in the final draft. No. Even as I thought it, I knew I’d never change the color. Can’t change perfect.
When I heard the front door open, I glanced at the clock. Denny and Kiera had been gone a long time. They were laughing when they entered the kitchen, arms full of bags. After setting down their things, Denny wrapped his arms around Kiera and she kissed his neck. I knew it was wrong and kind of creepy, but I just couldn’t stop watching them. It was wonderful seeing two people so content and happy. It was also painful, stirring things in me that I’d long buried. Hopes. Dreams. But that life wasn’t meant for me. Hookups were what I had. I’d accepted that a long time ago, and I was fine with it. I had to be.
Giving them privacy, I forced myself to resume studying my notebook. After a few quiet departing words, Kiera left the room, and I looked over at Denny. Laughing a little, I told him, “I know you’re going to say no, but I’d be a dick if I didn’t offer, so…can I help?”
Over his shoulder, Denny met my eye and smiled. “No, mate, you can’t.” He put a few things in the fridge, then shut the door. Turning to face me, he said, “I’m done though. Want to find a game to watch?”
I suddenly remembered something else about Denny. He liked sports a heck of a lot more than I did. Probably why Dad had connected with him more than he had me. Well, one of many reasons why. But I didn’t have anything better to do since there was no rehearsal today, so I shrugged and told him, “Sure.” I could sit through sports to hang out with him.
Denny grinned like I’d given him the best news ever. I laughed again and stood up to put my notebook back in the junk drawer. I probably should tuck that one away in my bedroom so Kiera or Denny didn’t find it, but thousands of people had hazel eyes. I could be singing about anybody. Or nobody. Not every song was based on reality.
I listened for Kiera upstairs more than I watched the sports highlights on TV. That was far more interesting. I could hear her clunking around her room, and I even heard her drop something and swear. That made me snort. Her innocent face seemed incapable of saying a bad word.
When she finally came downstairs, I gave her a polite smile. I wasn’t sure if she saw me though; her eyes were only on Denny. When she saw him sprawled across the couch, a blissful smile graced her lips. She crawled on top of him, then wiggled her way between him and the couch. Denny’s arm went around her waist while Kiera tossed her leg over his and laid her head on his chest. Denny sighed, kissing her head, and Kiera’s content expression never left her. If anything, she became even more at peace.
An ache vibrated through my chest as I watched them. It was like seeing warmth and love personified. No one had ever touched me like that. Not in a nonsexual way. Not for purely the joy of contact, with no other plan or agenda. Watching what they had together was almost too much to bear, but I couldn’t turn my eyes away either. Was that the way love was supposed to look? Calm, happy, peaceful? I’d never seen it that way. Not really. I’d seen anger, jealousy, bitterness, and resentment. Love equaled pain in my world. And I generally tried to avoid pain.
Kiera’s eyes shifted over to me. There was a question in the brownish-green depths. A question I didn’t want her to ask, because somehow, I knew I would eventually answer her, and it would hurt like hell when I did. Thankfully, she closed her eyes and remained silent. Then, surrounded in her sea of serenity, she drifted off to sleep. For a moment, I wasn’t sure who I was more envious of: Kiera, for the peace she was experiencing, or Denny, because he’d found someone amazing to share it with.
Chapter 4
Burned Out
While Denny rested and Kiera snoozed, I trudged upstairs to get ready for my night. After showering and shaving, I picked out a red long-sleeved shirt to wear, tossed on some deodorant that I thought smelled pretty good, and worked some product through my hair.
My guitar was still in the car from last night’s performance, so I grabbed my wallet and headed downstairs to let Denny know I was leaving. When I got to the bottom of the stairs though, I could see he was busy. Kiera was awake now, and she’d apparently woken up horny. Denny was massaging her butt while she squirmed on his lap. I couldn’t tell where her head was, but I could bet she was licking his neck or something. I chuckled as I walked toward the coat hooks in the entryway. Living with these two was going to be like living with honeymooners, I could already tell.
Kiera must have heard me laugh. She sat straight up on Denny’s lap like I’d just poked her with a cattle prod. She had a flush from her cheeks to her chest, and her eyes were wide like she was mortified. For kissing? Was she that shy? Thinking of how different she was from the girls I knew made me laugh even harder.
“Sorry,” I chuckled, grabbing my coat. “I’ll be out of your hair in a minute…if you want to wait.” I paused, considering. “Or don’t. It really doesn’t bother me.” I already knew that Kiera wasn’t the type to ever be okay with having sex right in front of me, and I knew I shouldn’t make her any more embarrassed than she already was, but she was so damn cute, it was hard not to tease her.
She immediately hopped off Denny, sitting as far on the other end of the couch as possible. She looked over at Denny with bunched brows and pursed lips. He must have had the same amused expression as I did, because her mood didn’t change any. Looking flustered as well as embarrassed, she glanced up at me and barked out, “Where are you going?”
Her tone of voice surprised me a little, but I figured it was mainly from being teased. She seemed to immediately realize she was being rough, and I could see her calming herself as I answered. “Pete’s. We’ve got another gig there tonight.”
“Oh.” Her eyes drifted over my hair and my clothes, like she was finally noticing that I was dressed differently. The inspection made my breath quicken.
Wanting to cover that reaction, I asked, “Do you guys want to go…?” I couldn’t resist another tease, so I gave them a playful smile and finished with “…Or stay here?”
Once again, Kiera seemed to answer before thinking. A gut reaction. “No, we’ll go. Sure.”
“Really?” Denny said, sounding a little disappointed. He must have been looking forward to me leaving them alone for the night. Oops. Didn’t mean to cock-block him. I did like the idea of Denny listening to a full set though, so he could really hear how much I’d grown, in the musical sense.
Kiera fiddled with a strand of her hair, like she was thinking of an explanation for her assertive statement. Interesting. To Denny, she timidly said, “Yeah, they sounded really good last night. I was hoping to hear a little more.”
“All right. I’ll get my keys.” Denny sighed, slowly sitting up on the couch.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Kiera really meant what she’d just said about the band. She’d seemed sincere when we’d been talking earlier today, but she hadn’t seemed sincere when she’d told Denny she wanted to go. Which one was it? I wasn’t sure. She glanced up at me while Denny stood, and I suddenly saw the truth in her eyes and her shy smile. She may have unthinkingly blurted out something she might or might not have wanted to do tonight, but what she’d just said was true. She did want to hear more. I tried not to read too much into that. It was the music she liked.
Shaking my head at the idea that I’d actually coerced her into going to Pete’s by embarrassing her, I told them, “Okay, I’ll see you there then.”
I thought about Kiera on the way to the bar. Sometimes she was easy to read, sometimes she was impossible to gauge. But nothing I’d seen so far was mean or malicious. She was kind and sweet, easily embarrassed and unnecessarily shy, innocent and naïve, yet seductive and playful too. Even though I was sure we were roughly the same age, I felt like I was a million years older than her. It made me want to protect her, even though that was truly Denny’s job, since he was her boyfriend. Well, I could play a big brother role in her life. A friend. Someone for her to lean on. I had a feeling she’d need that, living so far away from her home and family.
There were a couple of beers in front of each of my bandmates when I got to Pete’s; they’d been here for a while. I had some catching up to do. After grabbing a beer from Rita, I took a seat by Griffin. “Want to hear what I did last night?” he said, looking over at me.
Matt, across from me, sighed. “If he says no, will you actually keep your mouth shut?”
Griffin tossed a look Matt’s way. “Suck it.” He returned his eyes to mine and started in on his story without even waiting for my answer. “So, there were these two blond chicks at the show last night…Melody, Harmony, Cadence, Tempo…I don’t know, their names were something musical…”