Denny excused himself to go take a shower. When I was alone with Kiera, something I typically avoided, she asked, “You okay?”
I was getting tired of people asking me that. Looking over at her, I could see she was still dressed in her pajamas, her tank top tight over her small, perfect breasts. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, caressing them. And her eyes were a deep, dark green. Incredible, beautiful, and not the least bit interested in me. “Sure,” I told her. “This will be…interesting.”
My words worried her. She stepped closer to me as her brows furrowed. “Are you sure? This doesn’t have to happen. Denny and I can go alone.”
Studying her face, I watched her eyes slightly shift color in the sunlight. I loved the way they did that sometimes. Like everything else about her, I committed it to memory. Even though it was painful to remember, I didn’t want to forget anything about her. “I’m fine, and I’d like to spend one…night…with my roommates.” One last night. Before I leave. Forever.
I turned and left her then, because staying hurt too much, and tonight would be painful enough. No need to prolong the agony.
When I got to the Shack later that night, Denny’s car wasn’t there. I was kind of happy I’d gotten there first. It gave me a chance to prepare myself. I ordered a pitcher with three glasses, then made my way outside. The beer garden was a large fenced-in area, with a stage at one end and tables and chairs at the other. I found an empty table near a gate that led to the parking lot. I had a feeling I might need to make a quick escape later, if this got to be too much.
While I waited for Denny and Kiera, I shifted my attention to the stage, where the band was setting up. The drummer, Kelsey, was a friend of mine. The music scene in Seattle was small; everybody knew everybody. And everybody had slept with everybody. For the most part. Walking over, I raised my hand to her, and she waved back. “Hey, Kellan. How’s life treating you?”
Oh God…where to begin? “Fine. You?”
Kelsey shrugged. “It’s all right. Can’t complain.”
The singer came over. I knew him too. We’d done a few shows together when he’d been with another band. “Hey, Brendon. Good to see you again.”
I stuck my hand out, and Brendon reached down and grabbed it. “Excellent. Glad you’re here. It’s gonna be a good show tonight.”
Even though I didn’t feel it, I gave him a carefree smile. “Yeah, I’m glad too.”
Brendon straightened back up with a smile. “We need to do another show together soon.”
I nodded, then looked over to the doors. Kiera and Denny had arrived, and I motioned to where the beer was waiting for us. They raised a hand in thanks and made their way over to the table. And it begins…
I looked back up at Brendon. “Yeah, let’s do that.” I felt slightly guilty for saying it. I was leaving after tonight. It was easier to just say yes though.
I said my goodbyes, then grudgingly returned to my table. Denny and Kiera were kissing as I approached. It was like a knife in my gut, twisting and turning. I only had to put up with it for one more night though, then I’d be free. Somehow, that thought didn’t make me any happier. Sitting down, I started pouring beers. I needed a drink; surely they needed one too.
“When does your friend go on?” Denny asked me, his voice bright and chipper.
I glanced his way and tried to push aside the fact that he was diddling the woman I loved. “Another twenty minutes or so.”
I took a long, much-needed drink from my beer. A girl walked past the table. Stopping, she stared at me like she expected me to leap up and ask her out. I really didn’t feel like it. She stalked off when I didn’t give her the time of day, and Denny noticed. “She was cute.”
“Yep.” I took a swig of beer and avoided any eye contact.
“Not your type?” Denny asked. Kiera fidgeted in her seat, but I ignored it.
“Nope,” I answered, my beer close to my face.
There was a moment of silence, then Denny again tried to strike up a conversation with me. “How’s the band going?”
“Good,” I replied. Did we have to talk? Couldn’t we just sit here, silently, until it was time to go home?
Denny asked a few more questions, then gave up. I could tell Kiera was annoyed at me, but I didn’t care. Sitting here with them sucked ass. I was doing the best I could. Eventually the band started up, which alleviated some of the stress at the table. After a while, Denny pulled Kiera onto the dance floor. Even though I wanted to ignore them, I watched them relentlessly. They moved together perfectly, and it was obvious that dancing was something Kiera loved to do. Her flirty black skirt swirled around her body, her loose hair blew in the slight breeze. Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink that almost matched the shirt underneath her sweater-jacket. She was breathtaking, and watching her with another man was excruciating.
Girls asked me to dance, but I turned them all down. There was only one girl I wanted my hands on, and she was currently being twirled around by my best friend. Our night was just beginning, and I already wanted it over with. I couldn’t do this. It was too hard.
It was getting colder outside, and I was getting colder inside. This was hell for me, and nobody seemed to notice or care. I was utterly and completely alone. I should just leave right now. Drive off with only the clothes on my back and the guitar in my car. What else did I need? Nothing.
Kiera and Denny came back from dancing, breathless and happy. I stared at my empty glass, wishing I could stick my head in it and disappear. I could feel Kiera’s disapproving eyes on me, but I didn’t care. So I can’t fake happiness anymore. Sue me.
I was just thinking of excusing myself for the evening when Denny’s cell phone suddenly rang. Denny answered it while I discreetly peeked up at Kiera. She hated that damn phone. More often than not, when it rang, Denny left. Kiera was frowning at Denny while trying to make it look like she wasn’t upset. After a second, Denny swore and shut his phone. “Battery died.” He met eyes with Kiera. Hers narrowed. “Sorry, I really need to call Max back. I’m gonna check inside, see if I can use their phone.”
I returned my attention to my glass. If he was leaving, I should too. Kiera told him, “No problem, we’ll be here.” I could tell that she was trying not to sound agitated, and I could also tell that she was. I’d heard them arguing about Denny’s boss before. Denny was doing anything he could to impress the man, and that included being his errand boy. Frowning, I wondered if I should wait for him to come back, like Kiera said, or just get up and walk out right now. What did it matter if I was gone?
Denny stood up and kissed Kiera before he left. I sighed and tried to get comfortable in my chair. It was impossible for me to feel anything other than uncomfortable though. I shouldn’t be here, listening to them make out right in front of me. I was so sick of hearing their lips smacking all the time. That was another thing I wouldn’t miss.
Once Denny was gone, Kiera turned her attention to me. “You said you were fine with this. What is with you?”
I met her eyes. Battling my churning emotions, I told her, “I’m having a fabulous time. What could you possibly mean?” Watching you and Denny fawn all over each other is awesome. Just plain awesome.
Kiera looked away, and I could tell she was struggling with her emotions as well. She looked about ready to slug someone. “Nothing, I guess.”
My patience snapped. Exactly. Nothing. I was nothing. I am nothing. And staying here and pretending nothing happened is fucking insane. Something did happen, and it meant something to me. You mean something to me, so seeing you play house with Denny while you pretend I don’t exist is no picnic. It fucking sucks.
Setting down my glass, I stood up. Staying was pointless, I was out of here. “Tell Denny that I was feeling ill…” I considered adding on to the lie, but I didn’t even have it in me to do that. Let him think what he wanted. With a shake of my head, I told her, “I’m done.” I’m absolutely, completely, 100 percent done with this shit.
As if she understood that I wasn’t talking about merely hanging out tonight, that I was done with all the chaos of my life, Kiera slowly rose from the table. I narrowed my eyes as I watched her, daring her to speak. Go ahead, call me out. I don’t fucking care. When she didn’t say anything, I turned and headed out the gate. It figured that she had nothing to say.
I was halfway to my car in the parking lot when I heard the gate crash closed and heard Kiera yell my name. “Kellan! Please, wait.”
There was panic in her voice, and it shot straight to my heart. I can’t wait for you when I never had you…
Slowing, I looked over my shoulder and sighed. She was practically running to catch up to me. Why? What did she care if I left?
“What are you doing here, Kiera?” What are you doing out here, what are you doing with me? What the fuck am I to you?
She grabbed my arm, turning me toward her. “Wait, please stay.”
I batted her arm away. She didn’t have the right to touch me. She shouldn’t touch me. She only cared about Denny. I saw that every time they spoke, every time they kissed. She loved him. I stared at the sky before meeting her eyes. I felt like I was losing my mind. “I can’t do this anymore.” I’m going insane, because I love you, and you don’t give a shit. So why are you here, staring at me like that?