I waited two seconds for Anna to get out of the car, then I punched it and stormed off down the tight street. I couldn’t handle looking at my house anymore.
I drove to Evan’s. I didn’t even think about it. I just hopped on the freeway and that’s where I ended up. When I pulled up to his loft above the auto body shop, his car was in his parking space. He cracked open his door a few seconds after I rapped on it. “Hey, man. Whatcha up to?”
With a shrug, I walked through his door. “Nothing much. Want to go over melodies for that new bit we’re working on?”
Evan instantly perked up. “I was just talking to Rain about that last night. I think I came up with something that really works with that last batch of lyrics you gave me. Here, have a listen.”
Before I knew it, it was well past ten o’clock. That was one of the great things about hanging out at Evan’s—time flew by as we got ourselves wrapped up in the music that grounded our lives, gave us each meaning. Purpose. And Evan was right, the new beat he’d dreamt up matched my moody lyrics perfectly. He certainly had a gift, one he didn’t get enough credit for. That was an unfortunate side effect of being the lead singer—everyone tended to focus on me and ignore the others. But they were just as important. Sometimes I wished I could turn my spotlight on them, but I knew I had a role to play. And I played it well.
When things were winding down for the night, I remembered the horror that awaited me back home—Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Fucking Relationship. I still wasn’t ready to face them. Hating myself for being a coward, but needing an excuse to stay at Evan’s, I purposely knocked my beer to the floor. I forced myself to laugh. “Sorry, man, guess I had more than I thought.”
With a laugh of his own, Evan told me to stay and sleep it off. Even though I’d been in the same outfit for a day and I still had spikes in my hair, I took him up on his offer. God, I was pathetic.
I fell asleep with the memory of Kiera’s breath on my skin.
When I woke up in the morning, I’d had enough of couch surfing. I needed an actual bed. And a shower. And clean clothes. I felt like I hadn’t slept at all the last two nights. I was pretty sure I could have added up the total hours I’d slept decently on one hand. My nerves spiked as I approached my house. I didn’t want Kiera to be there. She had school today though, so she should be gone. I hoped. Sort of.
The driveway was empty when I got there, but that was to be expected. Denny was at work. I approached the home with tentative steps. I really hated how Kiera could make me reluctant to enter my own house. She had kept me away on more occasions than I cared to admit. I needed to stop letting her run my life. But I might as well ask to stop breathing. She was the lead ball in this Newton’s cradle—the cause. I was the effect. I had no choice but to react to her.
My hand was shaking as I reached for the knob. I immediately pulled it back and clenched it into a fist to get the blood properly circulating. This was nothing. No big deal. If she was here…so what? We’d ignore each other, ignore all the hurt, pain, and heat between us until it blew up in our faces again. God, we needed to break this cycle. Even I knew that.
Annoyed, I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door. A familiar smell hit me the moment I opened it. I paused as I absorbed the fragrance. I wasn’t sure exactly when it had happened, but at some point during her stay, her scent had permeated everything in my home. Or maybe that was all in my head. Who the fuck knew?
Shutting the door, I darted upstairs for the quickest shower known to man. I wanted out of this house. I purposely avoided looking at Denny and Kiera’s room. I didn’t think I’d be able to look at it again. What she’d done to him in there, while she had pretended he was me, was going to dig and fester inside my brain like an incurable disease. Fuck, I didn’t want to be here. Heading to my room, I stripped bare and then shuffled to the bathroom.
Once I was dressed and refreshed, I headed back to Evan’s place for rehearsal. Afterward, when the guys wanted to go to Pete’s, I was torn. I wanted to say no, wanted to bow out, but a large part of me wanted to go, and that part eventually won out. As painful as it was going to be, I missed Kiera, and I knew I couldn’t go another night without seeing her.
My heart was heavy on the ride over. I had no idea how she’d react to seeing me after how we’d parted ways. After parking, I sat and stared at the bar in the rearview mirror. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for, I just knew I couldn’t go in there yet. The night at the club flashed through my mind—her fast breath, her eager mouth, her hands fisting in my hair. So much passion had been between us, we’d nearly ignited on the dance floor. That couldn’t have all been fake.
A bang on my window knocked my memories from my head. Griffin was standing at my door, and Matt and Evan were a few feet behind him, waiting for me. Smirking, Griffin gestured at the mirror I’d been staring into. “You look great, princess. Get the fuck out of the car.”
Rolling my eyes, I cracked open my door. I could do this. I slugged Griffin in the arm for his comment, and he backed away from me with a scowl. “Ease up, pissy pants. It’s not my fault you didn’t get laid the other night.”
Grinning in a self-satisfied way, he splayed his fingers as he walked backward. “Five, dude.”
Forcing my gaze away from the front doors I was dreading, I met Griffin’s eyes. “What?”
“That’s how many times she made me come! And that doesn’t include the two times I jizzed the next morning.” Stumbling over a rock in the lot, he almost fell on his ass. Klutz.
Grimacing, I walked around him. “Awesome,” I muttered. I’d already had a color commentary during the act, I didn’t need a play-by-play of it afterward.
Still wanting to brag, Griffin fell into step behind me. “It was unbelievable. The things that girl can do…It’s too bad for you that she chose me, man. Not that I blame her, but you seriously missed out.”
Matt snorted. “Are you serious? She totally wanted Kellan, but he turned her down. You were runner-up, dude.”
I looked back just in time to see Griffin’s dumbstruck expression. “You smoking crack there, cuz? She was all over me, hot to trot. She even told me that she’d been wet for me since the first time we met.”
A knowing smile on his lips, Matt flicked a glance at me. “When you first met? You mean, when she was practically giving Kellan a lap dance, and she barely acknowledged your existence? That first time?”
Griffin barged past me. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
Matt was laughing as he hurried to catch up to him. “Wait, Griff! Tell me again how much she wanted you! Was that before or after she was practically palming Kellan’s junk at the table?”
I shook my head at the pair of them as Evan laughed. Griffin walked through the front door first and the noise of the bar filtered out to me in the lot. Bending down, I pretended I was tying my shoelace. That was what I’d been reduced to: lame-ass stalling techniques. Fuck. Was I ready to see her?
Evan paused, waiting for me. “You okay?” he asked.
I mentally double-checked my features, but I wasn’t making any strange, pain-filled expression as I retied my shoe. All of my turmoil was internal. “Yeah,” I replied, standing. “Why wouldn’t I be?” As far as Evan knew, this was just another night at Pete’s.
Evan studied my face. “I don’t know. You just seem…off.” He crooked a grin. “Maybe you’re still hungover from last night? You did get pretty shitfaced.”
I made myself smile. “Yeah, maybe that’s it. I do feel a little worn.” Emotionally worn. Physically I felt fine.
Determined to prove that this was no big deal and I could be in a room with Kiera without it tearing me in two, I opened the door and walked into the bar. I tried not to look, but my eyes automatically scoped her out. She was back in the band’s section, but her eyes were glued to the door, like she was waiting for me. Goddamn, she was beautiful. Her Pete’s shirt hugged her in ways that showed off every lean asset I loved, and her jeans sat low on her hips, teasing me with just an inch of skin. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail that just about undid me every time I saw it. It reminded me of sex—wild, unrestrained, passionate sex. It made me want to yank the band out, grab a fistful, and pull her into me.
But no, that wasn’t what we were. She was Denny’s. She’d made that clear the other night. Our friendship would never cross that line again. We really were over.
My stomach throbbed, but I forced the feeling down. It was just the way it was, no need to get an ulcer about it. My heart was pounding as we stared at each other. I couldn’t read her emotions. Knowing she couldn’t read mine either, I gave her a small nod and a smile. See, Kiera, I can play nice, even if you did rip my heart out. We can still have a friendship, although just being friends with you kills me a little.
I thought Kiera would smile in return, maybe look relieved that I wasn’t angry or hurt, but instead, she frowned at me and stormed away. What the hell? I knew I’d crossed the line, but it’s not like she hadn’t eagerly met me on the other side of it. After all, wasn’t she the one who undressed me?