When the sun began setting, several of the vehicles pulled away, but instead of making Alyssa jump straight back into his truck, Jackson grabbed her hand and led her to a bench with a spectacular view of the valley.
“This has always been one of my favorite places, Alyssa.”
“I can see why,” she said as she snuggled into his arms.
“I’ve never brought a woman up here before, though. Up until today, I’ve been here only with family.”
As he said those words, he pulled her more closely against his side. “I don’t know how, or when, but you’re becoming a part of that family.”
Closing her eyes, Alyssa melted against him. What was she supposed to say? Did she confess her growing feelings? Did she say that she wanted them all to be a family?
“There’s so much I need to tell you,” she finally said while his hand slowly drifted up and down her back.
“I hope you know that you can tell me anything, Alyssa.”
It was on the tip of her tongue. This moment seemed perfect; they seemed perfect. But what if it caused a fight? She couldn’t bear that right now.
“You were pretty adorable with those kids today” was all she could think of saying. Maybe it would help her figure out more of his thinking about having another child of his own.
“I love kids. Always have. The older we get, the more we feel a need to protect ourselves, having to be careful about what we say and when. Kids are pure; they’re honest. If you just show them love, they will love you back. There are no games.”
Alyssa was surprised by his words. “You love to play games, Jackson.”
“I used to,” he said with a sigh. “I think it’s how I survived the last few years. Being with you has done something to me. I can’t figure it out . . .”
“I understand how you feel. You know, Jackson, I really like being with you.” It wasn’t exactly a confession of love, but she was giving him something.
“That’s a start,” he said as he turned her so he could look into her eyes.
“We seem to have had quite a few starts,” she said with a laugh, trying to lighten the intense moment.
“I’m not going to let you pull away, Alyssa,” he said as he cupped her face.
“I don’t want you to.”
He bent down and kissed her, and it felt right. There was no hesitation on her part as her arms circled his neck and she got lost in his embrace. The moment, however, was too short—they were interrupted when some of the older kids started whistling at the two of them.
Jackson gave her an apologetic look before he jumped up to chase down the culprits. Alyssa sat on the bench and watched him. He seemed happier than she’d ever seen him before. Yes, it was time to tell him the entire truth. She just needed to marshal enough courage to do it.
Jackson took his time in front of the fireplace, moving logs around and thinking about what he wanted to say. Yes, it was warm out, but the whole idea of having a fire in June made him smile, and he felt drawn to the warmth and to the mindless activity required to get a good blaze going.
Alyssa was curled up on the sofa, her legs tucked beneath a purple knitted blanket. She looked so calm and content. If only he could feel that way. Thankfully, the tenants in her apartment had yet to vacate, and the delay was working to his benefit. He’d thank them personally if he didn’t think it would get him into trouble. They’d had a good week since the skeet shooting, kissing often, holding each other, talking. But he wanted more. He needed more.
He wasn’t normally one of those touchy-feely, let-it-all-hang-out kind of guys. He usually just buried emotions deep inside, thought about work instead. But he needed Alyssa beyond anything that was rational. The more she was showing in her pregnancy, the more desire he felt to protect her and her unborn child.
Did it make sense? No. But even knowing that, he still couldn’t seem to stop himself. Everything in his life now seemed to point directly to Alyssa and her baby. How had one night shaped him so much? Why couldn’t he let Alyssa go? How was it possible that meeting in the airport had changed both of their lives so irrevocably?
Damned questions.
Jackson now asked one aloud. “Are you comfortable?”
“Yes, thank you,” Alyssa said as she sat on the couch. “I’m getting pretty tired, though. It’s been a long day.”
“Not yet,” he said, then added, “please.”
“Is something on your mind, Jackson?”
Yeah, making love to you, he wanted to say. Instead, he took a deep breath, then stood, moved over to his liquor cabinet, and poured himself a generous shot of scotch. After downing it in one gulp, he refilled his glass and moved over to the chair across from her. Alyssa waited, just sipping on her soda water.
“You trust me now, don’t you, Alyssa?”
She paused, but he was pleased when she didn’t look away. Instead she took another sip and used a little time to form her words.
“I believe I do,” she said finally.
That answer pained him. “I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you. I swear to that.”
“I believe you, Jackson. I think both of us have changed since we met on New Year’s Eve.”
“I didn’t think I wanted to change, but being around you has altered me, made me think in a whole new way.”
“I’m not special, Jackson. And you should never change for another person. You should change because you want to be a better man.”
“That’s one of the reasons I care about you, Alyssa. You don’t expect people to be who they aren’t. You have so much love for your family, for your friends. Is there room in your life for me?”
Jackson was almost shocked when he said those words. By the look in her eyes, Alyssa was pretty shocked, too.
“I . . . uh . . . I do care about you, Jackson.”
“That’s not what I asked. I asked if there’s room in your life for me.” He didn’t want to push this, but he needed to.
“I don’t know how to answer that.” She was clearly still guarding herself.
“It’s really hard for me to trust people, Alyssa. I think it’s because of the way I grew up. You know I was in foster care, that my dad adopted Spence, Camden, and me when we were teenagers. But you don’t know the hell we went through before coming to live with our dad, Martin. There are a lot of cruel people in the world and it makes your skin grow a bit thicker when you live like that.”
“I’m not trying to be cruel,” she said quickly. “I’m sorry you went through so much.”