“Since we found each other again,” Jackson said, “you have pushed me away, acted as if I’m your enemy. Why? Yes, we had a one-night stand, but I wasn’t the one to walk away. I wasn’t the one who snuck out before the morning light. Can I positively say that I would have behaved any differently if I had woken up to find you asleep in the bed? I honestly don’t know. What I do know, though, is that I had feelings for you then.” Those words made her throat tighten. “And I still have feelings for you now. I don’t understand why you fight me so much. I’ve never lied to you, never tried to deceive you about my past, about what I expect of my future. I’ve always been honest.”
“Yes, you’ve been honest in telling me you will never love again,” she pointed out.
“I may be wrong about that . . .”
Alyssa felt her heart thump hard in her chest. “What does that mean?” She wanted him to be very clear. There couldn’t be any more questions about where they stood with each other.
“I . . . I . . . dammit!” Jackson turned away from her, and her heart broke into a million pieces.
What was he trying to say? She couldn’t read him, couldn’t figure any of this out. When he moved to the door wordlessly, opened it, and stepped through, the first tear fell down her face. When the door shut with a final click behind him, several more followed.
She had lost him. He couldn’t accept her in his life, and he couldn’t accept responsibility for Angel. She had never in all her life imagined feeling so much pain. Who in the hell thought that falling in love was a good idea? From all she’d discovered, it was nothing but immense agony and unfulfilled yearning. She’d rather go through a thousand more accidents than deal with the way her heart was breaking at this moment.
As he walked from the house, Jackson knew he should turn around, knew he’d promised not to yell, not to pressure her this first night away from the hospital, and then he’d done just that. His anger wasn’t as under control as he’d thought it was.
He phoned her mom, told her where Alyssa was and that he didn’t think it was a good idea for her to be alone, and then he climbed in his truck and waited. It didn’t take her mother long to get there, and as soon as he knew Alyssa would have someone with her, he drove off.
He clearly wasn’t ready for this conversation with her—he had to get his own head straight first. Yes, he’d told his brother he was going to marry her, and he hadn’t changed his mind on that score, but was it only because of the baby?
That’s what he needed to figure out. Driving to his dad’s place without even realizing what he was doing, Jackson parked the truck before he found his heartbeat slowing. From the first moment he’d come into this house when he was twelve years old, he’d found comfort. It was only natural that during one of the most confusing moments of his life, he would find himself back here.
After climbing slowly from the truck, he went through the front door and straight to his dad’s den, but the man wasn’t there. However, Jackson knew all of Martin’s favorite hangouts, so it didn’t take long for him to find the old man in the horse barn, leaning up against the fence talking to a worker.
“Hey,” he called out, and Martin turned with a grin.
“Wow, didn’t think I’d ever see you come home again, not since baby Gerard was born,” Martin said with a welcoming smile.
“Her name is Angel,” Jackson said, wondering how he was going to tell his father the entire story.
“Ah, very fitting,” Martin said.
“I thought so, too. She’s been a blessing from the moment she entered this world, and a lot of people are touched by her life already.”
“There’s nothing more precious than a baby, son.”
“I have to tell you something,” Jackson said, shifting on his feet as he stood next to his father.
“Well, then, spit it out. You’re acting like a teenager who just got caught smoking in the locker room.”
“Angel is mine.” He was quieter than he’d ever been before.
Martin said nothing for several moments; he just looked at his son with measuring eyes. Then a smile broke out on his face and he grasped Jackson’s hand.
“Congratulations, boy! That means I’m a grandpa again,” he said, his smile only growing brighter.
“Yeah, that’s what it means.” All of Jackson’s anxiety vanished at the open acceptance from his father. Most people would have thrown out a million questions at this point, but his dad just accepted those few short words, and was happy about it, no less.
“When’s the wedding?”
“A lot of water has passed under the bridge. Alyssa and I really need to work through it all. I got angry with her for not telling me sooner, and sort of stormed from the hospital, then went back, took her home, and we fought again, and I left the house.” At the instant disapproval on his father’s face, he felt even worse than he had earlier.
“Did you give her a chance to explain, Jackson?”
“Yes. She told me she didn’t think we’d see each other again, and then when she did see me she was afraid I’d take the baby, and then she was afraid because she’d waited so long.” Jackson grabbed a bag of oats and fed his favorite horse, Thunder.
“Well, as you stormed away, I guess she had a valid reason to be afraid,” Martin said.
“It’s not that simple. Had she told me sooner, I wouldn’t be so upset. But Angel has been fighting for her life for the past couple of weeks. I’ve been by her side the entire time, been falling head over heels in love with my daughter, and I didn’t even know she was mine. That’s not fair,” Jackson said, his voice rising.
“I agree she should have come to you sooner, but I also know how much pain you have gone through these past five and a half years. You shut yourself off from the world for a long time. Hell, Jackson, you tried to push your brothers and me away, too. She had valid reasons to be concerned,” Martin pointed out. “I’m not saying you didn’t have good reasons yourself to protect your heart any way you deemed you should, but I’m saying if I were her, I’d be protective of myself and of my child as well.”
“But these last two months, I’ve proved myself over and over again. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
“Of course it does, boy. But have you ever told Alyssa that you love her? Have you ever told her you don’t want to let her go?”