Afraid of what he could do to me—not physically but emotionally. If he was the boy from my past, he already owned my heart. What would happen when he owned my memories and mind, too? How safe would I be? What did it mean for my future?
Kill groaned low in his throat. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”
His confession tilted my world. I never thought I’d hear such lostness in his voice.
I shook my head, my body heavy and throbbing. “What are you doing to me?” Tears came to my eyes. “Please… tell me. You saw something. On the yacht—you saw something to make you believe. I need to know.”
He squeezed his eyes, his lips pressing tight together. “Don’t. I know I said we’d talk, but—”
“No. You can’t pull away again. It isn’t fair for either of us.”
I drowned in his green gaze as he tore his eyes open. He wedged his elbows behind him, sitting up. “You said your name is Sarah. That’s a lie. How does any of that make sense?” The way he said my name was a curse. A horror-laden curse reeking of his need to find a flaw in my whole argument so he didn’t have to pick up the pieces of his shattered world.
“I don’t know. I thought my name was Sarah. It fits. It feels… familiar. I didn’t lie about that.” My eyes desperately wanted to look down where my peripheral vision teased with his thickening erection.
“I’m not saying you lied,” he growled. “I’m just saying… Fuck, I don’t know what I’m saying.”
Suddenly, he moved, grabbing my waist and hauling me on top of him. “You’re giving me a heart attack. Sitting there naked. Healing me. The girl I’ve loved since I was fucking eight years old. It’s so hard to shed a lifetime of belief.”
I had no response. Every muscle tensed, sprawled over his bulk. “You did love me, even though you were sixteen before I managed to make you kiss me.”
His eyes shot wide and a strangled gasp came from his lips. “Fuck.” Grabbing the nape of my neck, he kissed me hard. His tongue licked my lips, not seeking entry, just wanting to taste.
Pulling away, he said, “You remember? Those nights we spent together? The endless homework sessions?” He swallowed hard. “That night you snuck into my room and climbed into bed with me? Fucking hell, that was the hardest thing of my life turning you away.”
I smiled softly, loving the animation on his face but cold inside because he described things I still couldn’t recall.
His body stiffened. “You don’t remember?”
I wanted to lie—to keep him happy and hope that I didn’t ruin whatever was building between us. But I couldn’t. “It’s selective. Parts are so clear while others are lost.”
“When did you first know?”
“That I knew you?”
“Yes.”
I bit my lip. “Um… I can’t remember my first flashback, but the second you took my blindfold off, I knew. I recognized your eyes.”
His face softened. “I want you so fucking much.”
The swift change of direction sent a firework of lust to my core. “Take me, then.”
Pain crossed his features, a small droplet of blood from removing the stitches bright and accusing on his skin.
He waged a battle inside before finally giving in. His hips pressed upward and I gasped. I wanted him. I couldn’t deny it.
“Do you want me to take you?”
“Yes.”
“Are you doing this because you think you can erase what happened? Give us back what we lost? Bring back the past?”
Yes. No. I wish.
“I’m doing this to fix our future. And to figure out what happened.”
His face went cold. “Some things are better left in the dark.”
My heart twisted. “Things revolving around my supposed death?”
He didn’t reply.
Rushing to change the subject, I said, “Whatever happened won’t change how I feel about you.”
Even as I said it, I didn’t know if it was true. Could I still love him, like I did all those years ago, when I didn’t know the man he’d become? Or the mysterious circumstances of my death? Was I in bed with my killer?
The concept of him being a devil in disguise terrified me.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean,” he muttered.
I hung my head, unable to hide the truth.
Tucking red wind-tangled hair behind my ear, he said softly, “Talking and answers can come later. Tell me one thing truthfully now.”
“Anything.”
His hips tilted dangerously. “How much do you want me?”
My eyes flared and my insides melted. I would play his game. Questions could wait. Anything that might ruin what we had could wait an eternity. “So much.”
He shuddered beneath me. Chemistry sparked between us. Passion and need. The connection beyond intense, throbbing with history so much deeper than a few misunderstandings.
Before I could answer, his skin blanched and he rolled me off him. “God, this is so fucked up.”
My body went instantly cold, missing his heat. Sitting upright, he cradled his head in his hands. “I can’t believe—after all this time.” His biceps throbbed as his fingers latched into his long hair. “It hurts to believe. It hurts my heart to think you’ve been alone—all this fucking time.” His eyes glowed with rage. “They told me! They made me—”
I couldn’t keep up with him.
My heart thundered. I scrambled to my knees. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. As long as you keep me—”
“Keep you?” His face twisted. “Fuck, I was going to sell you! How can you look at me? How can you sit there and still care about me when I’ve been nothing but a fucking asshole to you?”
“Honestly? Because something inside me knew all along. Call it kismet or some soul-deep connection. I saw past your actions and into your heart.” I took a breath, trying to steady the flutter in my chest. “This entire time I’ve had nothing to guide me. No past lessons or memories. I had to rely on instinct, and no matter how you treated me, everything inside vibrated with knowledge that you were the one I was running to. Even when I should’ve been running away.”
Arthur sat stunned. His lips twisted in pain. “Fuck. Do you have any idea what that does to me? To hear how damn selfless and strong you are? To believe in us so absolutely, even when I did everything in my power to destroy you? You make me feel like a fucking monster. I’ll never deserve you after I stooped to their level. A level I vowed never to go to.”
I couldn’t stand to see his anguish; I shuffled closer.
He continued, “I can’t understand how this happened. I believe you are her—but the burns… the tattoos. It’s playing havoc with my mind.”
He hung his head in his hands, pulling away even more. He muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t hear.
He smiled sadly. “If what you say is true, then my life just got even more fucked up and the nightmare has only just begun.”
I trembled with foreboding. “What nightmare?”
He stared into the distance, seeing things I never would. Shaking himself, he said, “Doesn’t matter.” His eyes went sharp and he tackled me to the bed. Spreading me on my back, he murmured, “Right now, I want to focus on you—us. I want to remember you.”
With nimble fingers, he followed my tattoo to my hip. His gaze locked onto the design that’d snapped him from his fugue and made him believe the truth.
Finally, he looked up. “You want to know what set me off? What makes me so fucking terrified that you’re telling the truth? That all of this is real, even though it’s so hard to believe?”
I nodded.
I gasped as his fingers traced the pattern inked into my skin. “It’s here. After all this time, I never thought—”
Tensing my stomach muscles, I tried to sit up to see what he did. But he kept a hand splayed on my rib cage, keeping me down.
Then he began to talk.
“You were thirteen. I’d been helping you with your homework every night since you flunked math. I’d always thought of you as my baby sister or an annoying tagalong, but something changed that night.” His voice was wistful, full of aching longing. “You were the one who kissed me. You threw your workbook to the side and launched yourself into my arms. We fell off the couch, crashed against the coffee table, sent paper flying. Thank God your parents weren’t home, because you put up a fight when I tried to stop you.
“We rolled around, you trying to kiss me, me trying to avoid it. But you won.” A smile graced his face. “Nothing would stop you from getting what you wanted. And for some inexplicable reason, you wanted me.”
His eyes met mine. “You tasted of cola and sugar, and you fucking drugged me that night. I wasn’t supposed to want you. I was almost four years older and already had a girlfriend. Not only was I making out with my father’s best friend’s daughter, but cheating on the girl I’d agreed to be exclusive with.”
My heart hurt. I didn’t remember his girlfriend and a fire churned in my belly to think of him loving another.
He smiled, tracing the frown on my forehead. “Still jealous, after all this time.” His eyes clouded, carting him back into the past. “You didn’t allow our age to get between us and you didn’t accept my no as an answer. You dragged me from loving you as a little sister to loving you like a man should never love a young woman. Especially you being his daughter.”