“I would… well, sweetheart, wouldn’t you actually like that you give me something he didn’t?” she asked.
“No, because it means you didn’t have it, for fuckin’ years, which sucks for you, and I don’t like anything that sucks for you. Not to mention you keep beggin’ me not to stop, when no way I would until I got you there.”
Her face closed down and her voice was whipped when she said, “I’ll quit doing that.”
She took that wrong, so he pressed into the side of her head with one hand.
“No, Carrie. You do what comes natural. Not complainin’ that you beg ’cause you want me to keep at you. That’s hot too. Any man would want you naked, wet, panting, and begging for more. They’d be insane not to. That’s my point. Any man would be insane not to, and if they’re any man at all, they got that, they give it and not get off and sometimes give it back after. That shit’s fucked. But in the now, I gotta know what I got on my hands. I thought I understood where that came from but now it’s certain. And it pisses me off.”
She started stroking his spine as she noted cautiously, “I think we both understand that Aaron wasn’t quite all that in a lot of ways.”
“Well, that one’s important,” he returned. “Then again, all of the ways you can take care of your woman are. He just didn’t do dick about any of them.”
He felt her body tighten then loosen almost immediately under him but he didn’t really register it.
He was focused.
And they had one more thing to go over.
“Now, Butterfly, get it right now I’m good anytime you want me to fuck your cares away. But after I give you my dick, you gotta give me whatever it is you wanted me to fuck away. An orgasm is a very good thing. Two of them are better. But they’ll never clear what’s fuckin’ up your head.”
She stared into his eyes with easy-to-read shock that he’d cottoned on to that before her gaze slid to the side, then to his chin, and finally back to his when she said, “I want this to last.”
What the fuck?
“I ain’t goin’ anywhere,” he growled.
She wrapped both arms around him and held tight.
“I know, sweetie. That’s not what I mean.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean he’s being nice to me. Giving me money. Showing at the door to take Travis. And you were only around to see the results of the last time he messed with me. I just started to get to the other side of that and now he’s changing tactics and I… I don’t…” She shook her head. “I don’t want to go through it again.”
There it was.
“And I don’t want to drag you through it with me,” she finished.
And there it all was.
“I’ll repeat, Carissa, I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
“We’re new,” she told him.
“We’re solid,” he told her.
“I… you’re awesome.” Her voice suddenly was pitched louder. “Me? My messes? My baggage? My son? You took it all on. Men don’t do that. When will it be enough?”
He instantly realized his mistake.
No more head space for Carissa.
“Jesus, baby, where did this shit come from?” he asked.
“I didn’t used to have any baggage, and still the man I turned my son over to a couple of hours ago had enough and got rid of me.”
“That’s where it comes from,” he muttered.
“Seeing him,” she kept going, “it reminds me that he got rid of me. Didn’t think about it. Threw me away. And that was devastating. I honestly didn’t know if I’d survive it. At the time. But I’d been with him a long time and the blinders were pulled off. I had a baby in my belly, which made it worse. And I had nothing but a lot of furniture and a settlement that was such a joke, it’s not funny. I was just too young and stupid and scared not to know it was just that. So that was that. But what I have with you, if the same happened, what would I do? What would Travis do? I lost a bad husband that I’d eventually figure out was bad and maybe down the road would have wanted to lose. But that’s never going to happen with you.”
“No, it fucking isn’t.”
Her chin jerked back at his words.
Or maybe it was his tone.
He didn’t give a fuck what it was. He wasn’t done talking.
“I get you see him, and with him fuckin’ with your head, this all surfaces, and I get that’ll fuck with you. But, Carissa, I am not him.”
“Of course,” she whispered.
“I want your pussy free and open to me. I wanna come inside you so you actually got my cum inside you and I want that in a way I know I’m gonna keep wantin’ that. No way in fuck I’d want that, take it, and fuck someone else too. That shit isn’t happening. You’re it for me. I thought I made that clear.”
“Well… you did.”
She gave him that.
He still wasn’t done talking.
“Man like me is not gonna live without pussy, Carrie. So I want yours exclusive, and long term that means I want you both those ways and I don’t want you just because I wanna fuck you. I want you. Thought I made that clear too.”
“Uh… well, you did.”
“Then let that other shit go.”
“I… okay.” She held his eyes and asked hesitantly, “Are you, um… angry with me?”
“No, I’m pissed at him for fuckin’ with your head so you’re not lyin’ under me in my tee at peace with the knowledge that you’re the whole package. Hot piece of ass. Totally fuckin’ cute. An absolute goofball. Sweet. Kind. Funny. Stubborn. Sassy. The best mom there could be. The kind of package guys would give their dicks to keep right,” he pressed into her, “here.”
“Oh,” she whispered.
“And I’d prefer to have easy with you as often as I can get it, but I’m thinkin’ I got work to do to get you to that place and he gave me that but most of all he gave you that and like I said, that pisses me off.”
“Um… well, just to say, your colorful way of sharing all this has been quite educational in that arena.”
“So by that you mean I got through?”
Her head again tipped to the side just as her eyes lit.
“Well, you are Carson Steele, the boy every girl crushed on in high school. And you are Joker, the Chaos member who Wilde and Hay think is an automotive design genius. And you are lying on me, declaring your devotion to my… um, special parts after making me climax twice. So I think I’m pretty happy lying beneath you in your tee because if you like my whole package, just to say, I like your whole package a whole lot more.”