“I feel tired,” she said. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m just so happy you’re okay.” And still so sick with worry she felt like she was going to throw up. What was taking the ambulance so long?
“Why are you crying, Mommy?”
“Because I thought I’d missed my chance to be a good mommy to you.”
Birdie smiled at her. “But you’re already the best mommy.”
Mom shook her head. “No. No, I’m not. But I promise I’m going to be.” She sniffed loudly and clutched Birdie’s hand to her chest. “I promise.”
Birdie tilted her head back and looked at Logan. “Why are you crying, Logan?”
“Onions,” he said, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe his eyes. “I hate those things.”
Toni leaned her forehead against his shoulder to hide a smile and somehow ended up in his arms. She hadn’t realized how much she needed a comforting hug until she was smashed against his hard chest.
“She’ll be okay,” he whispered.
And she believed him. Birdie would be fine. But would Toni be okay when he had to go back on tour and she had to figure out how to get by without him?
“Toni?” Birdie said. “Can I get off the floor now?”
Toni released her hold on Logan and settled her fingertips against Birdie’s cheek.
“You need to lie still until the ambulance gets here. The doctors need to check you out.”
“I don’t wanna ride in the ambalance.”
“I want to ride in the ambulance,” Logan said. “They’re so cool, all the other cars have to move over and let them go first. Even big trucks have to get out of their way.”
“They do?” Birdie stared up at him with utter adoration. And yeah, Toni knew the feeling.
“Yep.”
“Then you can ride it.”
“Ladies and princesses first,” he said.
Birdie beamed at him. Mom touched his shoulder and mouthed thank you. Logan winked at her.
When the ambulance wailed into their drive, Grandma rushed out to meet them. Toni stepped aside to give the paramedics room to work, but Mom sat beside Birdie on the floor the entire time.
“Her ECG indicates a heart block,” a paramedic told Mom. “There should be an extra bump here and not all these squiggles there.”
Mom paled, and Toni leaned against Logan for support.
“So it is her heart,” Mom said.
“Easily treatable,” he said. “But you don’t want to delay.”
“The heart doctors at Children’s Hospital are going to fix your ticker,” the other paramedic said to Birdie. “And then you’ll feel good as new.”
“I’m already good as new,” Birdie insisted.
“Do you want someone to ride with you in the ambulance?” the medic asked.
“Yes.” Birdie’s eyes immediately went to Toni, who was still leaning against Logan. He had his arm around her shoulders and his jaw pressed against the side of her head. Toni started to draw away from him, anticipating her sister’s request, but Birdie’s gaze darted to Mom. “I want Mommy to come with me.”
Mom blinked at her, looking as stunned as Toni felt.
“You’re sure?” Mom asked.
Birdie nodded and didn’t protest once as she was put on a gurney and loaded into the ambulance.
“We’ll follow and meet you there,” Logan said to Mom. Toni tried waving at Birdie through the open ambulance door, but she was talking to the paramedic about the squiggles on her ECG. The second paramedic shut the door and rushed around to the driver’s seat. They sped off with lights flashing, but left the siren off. It was a small bit of comfort that the sirens had been deemed unnecessary.
“You okay?” Logan asked as Toni stood watching until the ambulance pulled onto the main road.
“I’m worried sick, but the paramedics seemed to think Birdie would be okay.”
“I meant about her requesting your mom to accompany her.”
Toni shrugged as if to say she didn’t care, but she did care. She wanted Birdie and Mom to be closer, and this was a good sign that their relationship was strengthening. So why had it hurt so much when Birdie had chosen Mom to ride with her in the ambulance?
“Let’s get going,” she said.
Grandma secured the dogs, Toni grabbed her purse, Logan made a quick stop in the bathroom, and the three of them headed toward Seattle in the borrowed muscle car. Toni couldn’t bring herself to talk much during the hour-long trip and doubted Logan would ever know how much comfort he brought her by holding her hand whenever he wasn’t shifting gears.
At the hospital, they found Birdie had already been admitted and had seen a cardiologist. “They’re going to put a place maker in me right here.” Birdie rubbed a spot near her left shoulder.
“Pacemaker,” Mom corrected. “They’re trying to get her surgery scheduled for next week. She’ll only have to stay one night.”
“What caused her problem all of a sudden?” Toni asked, sitting on the edge of Birdie’s bed and stroking her hair.
“They want to do more tests, but the doctor said it’s probably scar tissue from the surgery she had as a baby. Since she’s growing, it’s now blocking the electrical signals in her heart. At least that’s what they think is going on. Whatever the cause, she definitely needs a pacemaker.”
“So I guess you won’t be coming with me to New York,” Logan said.
“I’m not sure the band even wants me to come back on tour.” But no, she wasn’t going off to have a great time with Logan and the band while her little sister was undergoing surgery. Birdie was only nine. She had to be terrified.
“I had a band meeting with myself and you’re welcome to come back with us. When you’re ready, of course. No pressure.”
“I don’t want you to stay, Toni,” Birdie said. “I want you to go with Logan. Logan makes you happy.”
“Buttercup, being with you makes me happy too.”
“I already made you happy for a long time. It’s Logan’s turn now. Mommy will take care of me. And Granny Jo too.”
“You can fly back for her surgery next week,” Grandma Joanna said.
Toni was completely torn. She didn’t think she could concentrate on working on the book when Birdie was facing heart surgery.
“I be fine, Toni. Really.”
“I know you will, Buttercup, but what about the chickens? You won’t be able to carry their food until you heal.”