For whatever reason, I didn’t want to admit that I’d done so in a fit of anger. But I didn’t feel I was wrong, either; I knew I would do the same thing again.
“Like you, I’m just trying to move forward,” I stated. “But I put some of the family photos in her room. Because we’ll always be her parents.”
“Thank you,” she said. “That was thoughtful of you.”
“I put the other photos in a box if you want to bring them with you. There are some fantastic ones of you and London.”
“That would be great.”
I went to the closet and retrieved the box; as I held it beneath my arm, her eyes flashed to the photos. I felt acutely, perhaps more than ever, that our era as a couple had really and truly come to an end, and I had the sense she was thinking the same thing.
“Let me get my keys and I’ll put this in the trunk,” I said.
“I can carry it,” she said, reaching for the box. “You don’t need to drive me. There’s a car waiting out front.”
I handed it over. “A car?”
“It’s not like we can leave London here alone, right?”
Right, I thought, wondering how I’d overlooked something so elementary. Being around Vivian – a Vivian who reminded me of the woman I had married, the very same Vivian with whom I had no future – seemed to have thrown me.
“All right, then,” I said. I put a hand in my pocket. “About this weekend,” I started, “and me having to stay at Marge’s or my parents’…”
“You don’t have to,” she said, cutting me off. “I realized today that there’s no reason for you to do that. It’s not fair to you. I’ll just stay in the guest room if that’s okay.”
“It’s fine,” I said.
“But you know I still want to spend as much time with London as I can. Just the two of us. I know that may not seem fair, but right now, I really don’t want to confuse her.”
“Of course,” I said. “That makes sense.”
She shifted the box beneath her arm and I wondered whether to offer a hug or a kiss on the cheek. As if anticipating my action, she turned toward the door.
“I’ll see you in a few days,” she said. “And I’ll call London tomorrow.”
“Sounds good,” I said, opening the door for her. Behind her, idling on the street, was a limousine. Vivian started toward it and I watched as the driver quickly exited the car to help her carry the box. He opened the door and put the box on the seat. Vivian waited for him to move aside, then got into the car. I couldn’t help thinking that it all seemed as natural as breathing for her – as though she’d always had a car and driver, had always been the lover of a billionaire.
I couldn’t see her through the darkened glass of the car and I wondered whether she was watching me, but in the end, I simply turned away. Stepping into the house, I closed the door behind me, feeling strangely sad.
For a moment I hesitated. Then I reached for my phone.
Emily answered on the second ring.
We were on the phone for nearly two hours. Though I did most of the talking, working through my sense of loss, she managed to make me smile and laugh more than once. And every time I wondered aloud if I was a good person, she assured me that I was blameless. I needed to hear that, somehow, and when I finally turned in for the night, I closed my eyes wondering how I’d been lucky enough to rediscover Emily, who was exactly the kind of friend I needed most.
CHAPTER 20
Autumn
“I love autumn,” Emily said to me. “It ‘wins you over with its mute appeal to sympathy for its decay.’ ”
“Excuse me?”
“I was talking about autumn,” Emily said.
“I got that. I’m just trying to understand what you said.”
“Not me. Robert Browning. Well, kind of… I might have gotten a few words wrong here or there. He was an English poet.”
“I didn’t know you read poetry.”
It was October 2002, a few months after Emily and I had been stuck on the Ferris wheel. It was also less than a few weeks after the Great Mistake, the one involving the woman I’d met in the bar. Marge had already warned me more than once not to say a thing to Emily, but I was still agonizing over my terrible secret.
We were, in fact, on a double date with Marge and Liz. We’d taken a trip to the Biltmore House in Asheville, which was for a long time the largest private home in the world. I’d been there before as a child but had never gone with Emily; it had been her idea to go, and also to invite Marge and Liz. When Emily had begun to quote Browning, the four of us were savoring wine from the Biltmore winery.
“I majored in art, but I had to take other classes, too,” Emily pointed out.
“I did, too. But I never took one that included poetry.”
“That’s because you majored in business.”
“Exactly,” Marge cut in. “Just because you botched your education, there’s no need to put Emily on the defensive.”
“I’m not putting her on the defensive. And I didn’t botch my education… I was just making conversation.”
“Don’t let him scare you off, Emily,” Marge said. “He might be a bit lowbrow, but he’s got good qualities, too.”
Emily laughed. “I hope so. It’s been more than two years. I’d hate to think I’ve been slumming with him all this time.”
“I’m right here,” I said to both of them. “I can hear you.”