As for London and me, we’d settled into a steady rhythm. The stitches in her forehead came out and when a follow-up X-ray confirmed there were no broken bones, the splint eventually came off, too. She wasn’t ready for her piano lessons yet, but she managed fine in art class. On our next date night, I took her out to a fancy dinner at a place called Fahrenheit, which offered glittering Charlotte city views and elegant handwritten menus – the kind of place that Vivian would have loved.
As Halloween approached, I didn’t see much of Emily.
For better or for worse, Vivian’s comments had gotten to me. While I’d tried to convince myself that our relationship was platonic, I knew it was more than just a friendship. I was definitely attracted to her, and in the evenings, I would find myself staring at the phone and wondering if I was somehow damaging London by wanting to reach out to Emily.
Don’t get me wrong. I still called Emily almost every night, unwilling or unable to give up that comforting ritual. But in the back of my mind, I could hear Vivian’s voice, and I sometimes hung up feeling confused and guilty. I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but was I acting as if I were, by calling so frequently? And what did I really want in the long run when it came to Emily? Could I be content to simply remain friends? Would I be happy for her if she started dating someone else? Or would I feel a twinge at the thought of what might have been, maybe even succumb to jealousy?
Deep down, I knew the answer. Aside from Marge, I considered Emily to be my closest friend… and yet I hadn’t told her what Vivian had said. Why couldn’t I be honest with her about the conflict roiling within me? Perhaps a part of me felt that I’d been lying to Emily all along about my intentions. I wanted more than friendship. Not now, but down the road.
And as selfish as it may seem, I didn’t want to risk losing her before that, which left me even more conflicted about what exactly I should do.
The day before Halloween, I made arrangements to check into a hotel.
Marge and Liz had arrived home from Costa Rica late Wednesday night, and I didn’t feel good about hitting them up for a place to stay. Nor did I want to stay with my parents; though I knew they wouldn’t have minded, I didn’t want them to know about my further deteriorating relationship with Vivian. At London’s birthday party, Vivian’s cheerful façade had led my mom to pull me aside and try to convince me that Vivian still had feelings for me. That was a conversation I didn’t want to face again.
Taglieri texted that Vivian would be arriving early on Friday night, probably around seven, which meant there would be no date night with London. Instead, London and I ate at home. Afterward, she ran up the stairs to check on the hamsters and her fish while I started to clean the kitchen.
I heard Vivian push through the door twenty minutes later.
“Hello!” she sang out. “I’m here!”
My heart started to race as if I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t, simply by being in my own house. Meanwhile, Vivian breezed in like she was the one who still lived here.
Vivian poked her head into the kitchen, looking for London.
“She’s in her bedroom,” I said. “She ran up there to check on her critters.”
“Okay,” she said, nodding. “Did she eat?”
I thought you told your attorney that we weren’t supposed to communicate directly. But okay, I’ll play along. “Yeah, she’s had dinner. No bath yet. I didn’t know if you were going to take her to a movie or…”
“I haven’t decided yet. I’ll talk to her.” She paused. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, thrown once again by her casual demeanor. “I’m fine. You looking forward to trick-or-treating?”
“It’ll be fun. I picked up an amazing costume for London. It’s Belle from Beauty and the Beast, but extra glittery.”
“She’ll love that,” I agreed. “She named one of her fish Belle.”
“Make sure you come by in time to see it.”
“You want me to come by?”
She rolled her eyes, but in them I saw only disbelief, not anger – as though I were merely clueless, rather than hateful. “Of course, Russ. She’s your daughter. It’s Halloween. And besides, you need to be here to hand out candy for the kids who come by the house. What did you think was going on tomorrow night?”
As usual, Vivian had managed to keep me guessing.
I hadn’t seen Marge and Liz since London’s birthday party, so I swung by my parents’ the next afternoon, before the trick-or-treating got underway. I noticed right off that Marge had slimmed down even more. She looked fantastic, but it was on the tip of my tongue to tell her not to lose much more weight, as it might make her face look too severe. Liz, too, looked like she’d shed some pounds, though not as much.
Marge and Liz enveloped me in hugs as soon as I stepped through the door.
“So this is what you look like after a vacation, huh?” I said to Marge, giving a low whistle.
“I know, pretty fab, huh? I weigh as much as I did in college now.”
“You look great, too, Liz. Are you sure the two of you weren’t secretly at Canyon Ranch the whole time?”
“Thank you. But no,” she said. “It was all just good old-fashioned hiking and sightseeing. And like Marge, I kept my servings of rice and beans to a minimum.”
“I’m jealous. I’ve stopped losing weight, even though I’m still running.”
“How are things?” Marge asked. “When I talked to Mom last night, she said you landed some new clients? Let’s go out back and talk for a while.”