“Am I in danger?” I ask again as a whisper.
Oz is quiet. Maybe thinking or fighting internally, I don’t know, but either way his answer could change everything. “Eli says you are.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, but I trust Eli and if I didn’t, I like you too much to take the chance.”
I rest a hand over my heart as if that could calm the frantic beating. “Dad said I’m safe.”
“You are,” Oz says. “I swear nothing will happen while you’re with me.”
“No.” My lungs constrict. “Dad said that this whole thing isn’t real. That you guys are playing games and that you take things too seriously and that I shouldn’t be afraid. That’s one of the reasons why I stayed—because I wanted to prove to myself that there was no reason to be scared.”
Oz slips out of the chair and is immediately on his knees in front of me. His hands cradle my face and his warmth sinks through and combats the fear chilling my body. “Do you trust me?”
“You’ve lied to me.”
His eyes search mine and the silence surrounding us sucks the air out of the room.
“Honeysuckle Ridge is a safe house ten miles north of here. You can only get to it by bike and then you have to hike the rest of the way. It’s a cabin smaller than the one at the pond, but it doesn’t have shit within it. Sometimes guys from the club use it for hunting, but no one else goes there without club permission. No one beyond brothers and immediate people with the club are supposed to know it exists.”
“What does Honeysuckle Ridge have to do with Mom and Eli?”
“I don’t know.”
My head attempts to tip back, but Oz’s strong grip prevents me from completing the motion.
“I don’t know,” he repeats. “Whatever it is, it couldn’t have been good, but the truth is your mom would have known about it because she was Eli’s old lady.”
His words pierce through me like a sword.
“They were teenagers,” I say. “In high school. She couldn’t have been.”
“Yeah, they were still in high school when they met, but she’d graduated by the time she had you. According to my mom, they were very much in love. So much that after your mom had you, she had an engagement ring on her finger and she moved into Olivia’s.”
I lift my arms to push Oz away, but he releases me before I have the chance. I sway as if I’m being tossed around in waves. “She was in love with him?”
“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. You saw how Eli and your mom hugged. You saw your mom’s initials on the tree. You held a picture of you and Olivia. You’re smart. You know the truth. You haven’t been looking for someone to prove it. You’ve been searching to disprove it.”
“Then why lie to me?” I snap. “Why does everyone want to keep it a secret?”
Oz lowers his head and my gut twists. He knows and he won’t tell me.
“Oh my God.” I stand and Oz simultaneously bolts to his feet. “You know why this is a huge secret and you’ve seen me beat myself up over it and you won’t tell me because you want to belong to a boys’ club?”
“Because I’m a part of a family and I’ve been entrusted with a secret that I swore I wouldn’t tell. You accuse me of having no integrity, but integrity doesn’t mean breaking a promise. It means keeping it.”
“It sounds like pretty words to cover up the truth. Take me back to Olivia’s.”
“Emily—” Oz starts.
“Take me back to Olivia’s!” I yell and start for the door. I yank it open and Oz stalks up behind me and slams it shut.
“This is your family, too. If you want the truth, then you have to keep doing what you’re doing. Stick with us. Become one of us and I promise that you’ll find out. If you run away, you’ll be like your mom and you’ll remain an outsider.”
I pivot on my toes in a flash and I’m in Oz’s face. “I’m already an outsider. My mom may have run away, but Eli left me, too. He was the one that abandoned us. He signed the custody papers. He’s the one that gave me up for adoption!”
I can’t take in air fast enough and a lump forms in my throat. I shove a hand through my hair, trying to understand the heartache because it shouldn’t matter that Eli abandoned me. I have my dad and I love my dad and that’s what matters. It’s all that should matter.
But there’s this pain ripping through me. This agony tearing at my soul and a sound leaves my mouth that only begins to describe the misery inside me. “Don’t tell me that he wanted me because if he did, he would have never signed those papers.”
Oz swears under his breath then engulfs me into his body. I press back, pushing for release, but Oz wraps his arms tighter around me. The stronger his embrace, the more the tears threaten to escape from my eyes.
This is too much. It’s all too much. Eli. Olivia. My mom.
“Will you stop fighting?” Oz whispers. “For once, lean on one of us.”
Exhausted, tired, emotionally drained, I bury my face in his chest and large, warm drops slide down my cheeks. I’m not crying. Not at all. Because I wouldn’t do something like that over a man who has never shed a tear over me.
Oz
EMILY SITS ON my bed with her back against the wall and her knees drawn to her chest. It’s almost four in the morning and I led her here after she stopped crying. I’m paralyzed by crying girls. Not sure what to do with one in complete meltdown mode, I relied on what helps me. When I’m upset, a change of location can create a change in perspective.
Eli texted a few minutes ago to check on Emily and told me that Mom and Dad are staying the night there so Mom can watch Olivia and so Dad can discuss the Riot situation at a late night session of Church. He also informed me that Olivia is alert and fine.
Fine.
Dying of cancer is not fine.
I rest at the end of the bed and pluck an old guitar I bought when I was thirteen and dreamed of being a rock star. Emily rolls her head and glances at me with barely cracked eyes. “Can you play anything else besides the opening to ‘Smoke on the Water’?”
I cock an eyebrow as I switch up and strum the first few chords of the “Mexican Hand-Clapping Song.” Emily laughs and the sound dances along my skin.
“How’s Olivia?” she asks.
“Fine.” I spit Eli’s answer.