“Oh, don’t give me that stupid argument!” she said, throwing her hands in the air and turning her back on him. “The probability of a serious wreck in stock car racing is much higher than choking on your damn food and you know it.”
“Tamara, what do you want me to say?”
“Nothing. Nothing.” She wiped at her cheeks and said, “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” There was a sudden pain in his chest and it had nothing to do with cracked ribs.
“This. I can’t be a driver’s wife again. I can’t live with this fear, this uncertainty. I can’t stand to see my kids terrified like that. I told you that way back when, I warned you, but we did this anyway, and now I know I should have never let it get this far.”
Elec was starting to panic. “Baby, you don’t mean that. I love you. We’re amazing together.
We belong together.”
“I love you, too,” she said, crying in earnest again.
It broke his heart to see her like that, and he went for her, but she dodged his touch.
“Tamara, I know this was a scare, but I am okay. We’re okay.” Maybe if he said it enough, it would be true.
But she just shook her head and sobbed. “I can’t, Elec. I just can’t. I can’t marry you.”
Then she turned and ran out of the room and his heart cracked just as surely as his four ribs.
CHAPTER EIGHTEE
TAMARA ran down the hallway, hoping to avoid her kids for the moment. She was a mess, and she needed a minute to get ahold of herself. Unfortunately, there was really nowhere to go. One way led to her kids and Elec’s parents, the other way to the track and a crowd of almost two hundred thousand people. Not to mention the cameras and reporters, who would be dying to get her reaction to Elec’s wreck.
Her reaction sucked. She knew she was being unreasonable to him, knew it was shitty to break off their engagement in a hospital cubicle, but she had panicked. Seeing the accident, his car roll like that, seeing the expressions on her babies’ faces, then seeing him sitting there shirtless and wrapped in tape, a deep bruise under his eye from his helmet, had all welled up inside her.
She couldn’t do it. She had said yes to marry the Elec who sat on her wicker patio furniture with her and roasted marshmallows. She’d said yes to the Elec who made her feel sexy as hell in bed, who thought she was beautiful, and who was capable of loving her children as his own.
But first and foremost, Elec was a driver, and even after standing side by side with him through the media circus of the weekend, the truth of that hadn’t really hit her. She couldn’t love him only to lose him. She just couldn’t.
She just wasn’t strong enough to stay standing if it happened a second time.
Ducking down another hallway to find the restroom and splash water on her face to try and get a grip, Tamara nearly groaned out loud when she saw Pete’s father coming toward her in the opposite direction. Johnny was the last person she wanted to see at the moment. But he had already spotted her.
“Tammy, how’s Elec?”
“He’s fine,” she said, clearing her throat. “Just a few cracked ribs and some minor bruises.”
“That’s good,” Johnny said. “Doesn’t sound like a big deal.”
Of course it wasn’t a big deal. No one seemed to think it was a big deal that he could have died. “Yeah,” she managed to say, even though her throat was tight and she was fighting fresh tears.
Johnny eyed her and said, “Come on and sit down and have a chat with me, Tammy. I owe you an apology.”
She could surely use something. Johnny led her out the back of the med center and they found a bench in what was clearly intended to be the employee smoking area. They couldn’t see the track, just the fence, and they were sheltered from the grandstands by the building.
“Have a seat.”
Johnny indicated the bench so Tamara sat down and closed her eyes for a second, the heat and sunshine spilling over her. She felt him sit beside her.
“I’m sorry for what I said about your mothering,” he said. “That was petty and uncalled-for.
I’ve never been anything but proud of the way you’ve raised my grandbabies.”
That caused the tears she’d been struggling against to burst forth. “Thank you,” she managed. “I have tried my best.”
He patted her knee. “You have, and you’ve been an excellent mother. A better mother than Pete was a father. It’s hard for me to admit that, but it’s true. He loved those kids, but he wasn’t hands-on and I realize that.”
“He did love his kids. And he was a good husband.” When he was around. Tamara kept that caveat to herself, though.
“I got upset with you the other day because it’s hard for me to acknowledge that my son might be replaced in Petey and Hunter’s lives. Hearing them talk about all the things Elec does with them, well, it’s hard.”
“I know that. I’m sorry for that. But you know I want you in the kids’ lives just as much as you’ve always been.”
“And Beth and I appreciate it. Hearing everything Elec does with the kids and how taken they are with him, it made me realize that while it’s hard for me, it’s good for them. They need a man in their life. Not that you’re not doing an excellent job solo but because life is just easier, more well rounded, when kids have two parents in there pitching in. Elec Monroe seems like a good kid, and you have my blessing.”
Tamara wiped her face and shook her head. “I appreciate that, Johnny, but the thing is, I just broke up with him.”
Johnny looked at her in amazement. “What? Why the hell would you do that? Did he really knock up the lingerie model? Because, honey, accidents happen.”
“No. He never slept with her.” Tamara bit her lip. “I broke up with him because I can’t deal with moments like today. That fear almost knocked me to the floor. I can’t lose another husband, I just can’t.”
“Well, now I understand fear. But, Tammy, you can’t just stop loving people because you might lose them.”
“Yes, I can.” She didn’t know how but she would force herself to stop loving Elec.
Johnny actually laughed. “That’s ridiculous. Then if that logic is true, I guess you’d better stop loving Petey and Hunter.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“The hell it isn’t. You could lose them, but would you have wanted to give back one single minute with them?”