I didn’t slow down, though, and he fell into step next to me, our footsteps syncing naturally. Even the two-step rhythm of inbreath-outbreath synced immediately.
We didn’t speak, didn’t even look at each other. We just ran. A mile, then the second, and then we both started to flag. I pushed the pace and he matched it, and then pushed it even faster, and then we had our second wind. We blew past the gnarled tree stump that marked the third mile, breathing hard now, sweating. I forced my gaze to the road ahead, forced my thoughts to emptiness, Lady Gaga in the background. Run, run, run, breathe and focus, swing my arms. Don’t look at Kyle. Don’t look at the sheen of sweat on his bare chest, don’t watch the bead of liquid trickling over one nipple and under the bulge of his pectoral, don’t imagine myself licking the droplet away as it touched the rippling field of his abs.
Shit! Where did that image come from? Licking him? Get a grip, Nell. Get a damn grip. The self-admonishment didn’t help. The image was burned into my brain, now. Kyle, on his back, in a grass field. Sweat running over his bronze skin, hair messy and wet. Lowering my face to his chest, pressing my lips to his breastbone, then licking away a glinting bead of salty liquid.
Oh god, oh god…ohmigod. This was bad. These weren’t good thoughts. Weren’t innocent thoughts. Weren’t BFF thoughts. I was a virgin. I’d never licked anyone. Never kissed anyone, even. Sure, I’d watched a few steamy rated-R movies with Jill and Becca, and we secretly watched True Blood together all the time. So…we knew how it was supposed to go, and I’d had my own little fantasies and girly daydreams, but…with Kyle?
I was just channeling Sookie and Eric. Obviously. Except Kyle looked more like Bill…
I jolted back to awareness, and Kyle was a few steps behind me, and I was full-out running, arms pumping wildly. I pushed harder, ran faster, pushing the images and the sudden ridiculous desire for my best friend away, and just ran. Legs turned jelly, breathing ragged and burning, vision blurring, desperation in place of blood, confusion in place of oxygen, that kind of running.
Kyle slid into my peripheral vision, pacing me, straining, then his conditioning took over and he peeled away, faster than I could ever hope to run. All-state football star at sixteen fast. Already being scouted by U of M and Alabama and UNC fast.
I stumbled, slowed, stopped, then slumped forward with my hands on my knees, panting. Kyle was a dozen feet away, doing the same. We were on the crest of a hill, the forest out to our left, our houses a few miles behind us, the ridge with our tree visible off to our right. Wildflowers swayed in a breeze, welcome and cool in the early September evening heat. I made myself walk around, forgot myself and peeled my tank top off and wiped my face with it.
I stopped walking again, head tipped back, trying to slow my breathing, tilted my head back and draped the shirt over my eyes to sop up the burning sweat from my forehead.
“You should stretch out,” Kyle murmured, only inches away.
I started at the sound of his voice, his sudden proximity. My heart started pounding again, nerves this time rather than exertion. Which was stupid. This was Kyle. He knew everything about me. He’d seen me naked.
Which was the exact wrong thing to think in that moment. I tugged the shirt off my eyes and looked up to see him gazing down at me, expression intense but otherwise unreadable. He was taking deep, dragging breaths, and I knew if I wasn’t careful, I might end up convincing myself it wasn’t just post-run panting.
I licked my lips, and his eyes followed my tongue’s path. Bad. This was bad.
“Kyle…” I started, then realized I didn’t know what to say.
“Nell.” He sounded calm, confident. Unaffected. But his eyes…they betrayed him.
He turned away, bent over with his feet together and began stretching. The moment was broken and I turned to stretch as well. When we’d both finished, we sat down in the grass, and I knew we couldn’t avoid the discussion any more. To cover my nerves, I tugged my hair free from the ponytail and shook it out.
Kyle took a deep breath, glanced at me nervously, then squeezed his eyes shut. “Nell, listen. When I said ‘why not’, that was…it was stupid. It’s not what I meant. I’m sorry. I know how that must have sounded to you, I was just so upset and confused—”
“Confused?”
“Yes, confused!” Kyle said, almost yelling. “This whole thing between us today, it’s confusing. When you told me Jason asked you out, I just—it was like something in my head just…snapped. I pictured you out with him, maybe even kissing him, and I…no. Just no.”
He scrubbed his face, then lay back on the grass, staring up at the blue sky scattered with shreds of white and stained orange by the lowering sun.
“I know how this is gonna sound but—when I pictured Jason’s arms around you, his lips touching you…I couldn’t handle it. I thought, ‘Hell no! Nell is mine.’ That’s when I ran off. I couldn’t figure out why I was so possessive suddenly. I still…I don’t know where this is coming from.”
“I don’t either. I mean, I was surprised by the way you reacted, but then I went home and thought about actually going out with Jason, and…it just didn’t fit. I couldn’t imagine it.”
“So are you still going out with him, then?”
I paused. “I don’t know. I guess not.”
Kyle glanced at me, then pulled out his iPhone, the earbuds trailing from it. “Does he know that?”
I sucked in a breath. I hadn’t called him to cancel. “Shit, no, he doesn’t.”
Kyle’s lip quirked up in a grin. “You’d better call him, then, huh? He’ll be wondering where you are, I imagine.”
I glanced at my iPod. 6:54 p.m. “Can I use your phone?”
He scrolled through his contacts, yanked the earbuds free, and handed it to me. I hit ‘send’ and pressed it to my ear, the rubber case still damp and warm from Kyle’s grip.
“Hey, Kyle, my man! Whassup!” Jason’s exuberant voice came through the phone.
I sucked in hesitant breath. “Actually, Jason, this is Nell. I’m calling from Kyle’s phone…I—I forgot mine.”
“Forgot yours? Where are you? I’m pulling up to your driveway right now.” His friendly, excited voice took on a confused tone.
“Listen, I’m sorry, but I can’t go out with you.”
A long silence. “Oh, I gotcha.” His voice drooped, and I could picture his features falling. “Everything okay? I mean, —”