She stopped to look at the rosebushes. They looked like gnarled sticks, and I didn’t see what her interest was in them.
“Is it true about your grandfather?” she asked me. “The stories that people tell?”
I guess she didn’t get my hint.
“Yes,” I said, trying not to show my disappointment.
“That’s sad,” she said simply. “There’s more to life than money.”
“I know.”
She looked at me. “Do you?”
I didn’t meet her eyes as I answered. Don’t ask me why.
“I know that what my grandfather did was wrong.”
“But you don’t want to give it back, do you?”
“I’ve never really thought about it, to tell you the truth.”
“Would you, though?”
I didn’t answer right away, and Jamie turned from me. She was staring at the rosebushes with their gnarled sticks again, and I suddenly realized that she’d wanted me to say yes. It’s what she would have done without thinking twice about it.
“Why do you do things like that?” I blurted out before I could stop myself, blood rushing into my cheeks. “Making me feel guilty, I mean. I wasn’t the one who did it. I just happened to be born into this family.”
She reached out and touched a branch. “That doesn’t mean you can’t undo it,” she said gently, “when you get the opportunity.”
Her point was clear, even to me, and deep down I knew she was right. But that decision, if it ever came, was a long way off. To my way of thinking, I had more important things on my mind. I changed the subject back to something I could relate to better.
“Does your father like me?” I asked. I wanted to know if Hegbert would allow me to see her again.
It took a moment for her to answer.
“My father,” she said slowly, “worries about me.”
“Don’t all parents?” I asked.
She looked at her feet, then off to the side again before turning back to me.
“I think that with him, it’s different from most. But my father does like you, and he knows that it makes me happy to see you. That’s why he let me come over to your house for dinner tonight.”
“I’m glad he did,” I said, meaning it.
“So am I.”
We looked at each other under the light of a waxing crescent moon, and I almost kissed her right then, but she turned away a moment too soon and said something that sort of threw me.
“My father worries about you, too, Landon.” The way she said it—it was soft and sad at the same time—let me know that it wasn’t simply because he thought I was irresponsible, or that I used to hide behind the trees and call him names, or even that I was a member of the Carter family.
“Why?” I asked.
“For the same reason that I do,” she said. She didn’t elaborate any further, and I knew right then that she was holding something back, something that she couldn’t tell me, something that made her sad as well. But it wasn’t until later that I learned her secret.
Being in love with a girl like Jamie Sullivan was without a doubt the strangest thing I’d ever been through. Not only was she a girl that I’d never thought about before this year—even though we’d grown up together—but there was something different in the whole way my feelings for her had unfolded. This wasn’t like being with Angela, whom I’d kissed the first time I was ever alone with her. I still hadn’t kissed Jamie. I hadn’t even hugged her or taken her to Cecil’s Diner or even to a movie. I hadn’t done any of the things that I normally did with girls, yet somehow I’d fallen in love.
The problem was, I still didn’t know how she felt about me.
Oh sure, there were some indications, and I hadn’t missed them. The Bible was, of course, the biggie, but there was also the way she’d looked at me when she’d closed the door on Christmas Eve, and she’d let me hold her hand on the ride home from the orphanage. To my way of thinking there was definitely something there—I just wasn’t exactly sure of how to take the next step.
When I’d finally taken her home after Christmas dinner, I’d asked if it would be okay if I came by from time to time, and she’d said it would be fine. That’s exactly how she’d said it, too—“That would be fine.” I didn’t take the lack of enthusiasm personally—Jamie had a tendency to talk like an adult, and I think that’s why she got along with older people so well.
The following day I walked to her house, and the first thing I noticed was that Hegbert’s car wasn’t in the driveway. When she answered the door, I knew enough not to ask her if I could come in.
“Hello, Landon,” she said as she always did, as if it were a surprise to see me. Again her hair was down, and I took this as a positive sign.
“Hey, Jamie,” I said casually.
She motioned to the chairs. “My father’s not home, but we can sit on the porch if you’d like. . . .”
Don’t even ask me how it happened, because I still can’t explain it. One second I was standing there in front of her, expecting to walk to the side of the porch, and in the next second I wasn’t. Instead of moving toward the chairs, I took a step closer to her and found myself reaching for her hand. I took it in mine and looked right at her, moving just a little closer. She didn’t exactly step back, but her eyes widened just a little, and for a tiny, flickering moment I thought I’d done the wrong thing and debated going any further. I paused and smiled, sort of tilting my head to the side, and the next thing I saw was that she’d closed her eyes and was tilting her head, too, and that our faces were moving closer together.