While the computer logs me out, I tap my papers against the table to align them and then turn to leave.
I don’t get more than a few inches before Carson grabs my elbow.
“Can we talk?”
My eyes land on Katelyn Torrey watching us from one of the study tables. Katelyn is on the Wildcat Dance Team, and she’s hinted before that she’d like to see me try out for the team next year. But there’s a rumor that she and Levi hooked up on a few away games last year. The cheer and dance teams often stay in the same hotel as the players, and even though the guys have a curfew, everyone knows they sneak girls in.
As fun as a dance team might be, that is not a world I want to live in. Those girls . . . their whole lives revolve around the team. And I’d spent enough of my life with football as my unforgiving sun. And I certainly don’t need my private life whispered about all over campus like Katelyn’s is.
“I need to grab a book before class. You can talk while I find it.”
I pull my elbow out of his grasp and don’t wait to see if he follows as I make my way back into the stacks. I don’t actually need a book for class, and if I did, I sure wouldn’t find it in the reference section, where I slow to a stop and face him.
He picks a book on copyright off the shelf. “Planning to patent that angry look you’re giving me?”
I deepen my glare even as a flicker of worry at the back of my mind wonders how unattractive my expression is.
“Talk, Carson.”
“You don’t need a book?” he asks.
“I don’t need people gossiping about seeing us together, and neither do you.” First it would get back to Levi, and I could only imagine how obnoxious he would be. Then Dad would hear, and I didn’t have the energy to fight wars on two fronts with him.
He scoffs. “You severely overestimate my importance on the team and at this school. No one gives a crap who I am.”
“I do.”
When he looks at me with darkened eyes, I realize my response could mean two things, and I rush to correct. “I care that you’re on the team. I told you I don’t date football players.”
“And I told you, I’m not asking for a date. And technically, I am a football practicer. I’ve yet to step a foot on the field during a game. Shouldn’t that get me a little slack?”
He grins cheekily at me, and I hate that even with all the anger I can muster, it’s not enough to keep one corner of my mouth from pulling up in a half smile. When his eyes drop to my lips, I slam my walls up as fast as I can.
“Doesn’t matter. Say what you want to say, because I need to go.”
I’ve got class, and then I’m starting a new job at the campus Learning Lab. Basically, I’m a tutor, writing and Spanish mostly (since those are the two things I tested out of and am good enough at to provide help), though from what I hear, more often than not I’ll end up helping people figure out how to work the lab computers.
Whoop-de-doo.
It’s a start, though. If I want to save money to get away from Rusk and go somewhere with a decent dance program, I’ve got to begin somewhere.
Carson runs a hand through his hair and sighs, drawing my attention back to him. My eyes scan the way his body tapers out from his waist to his strong shoulders. God, his arms are my weakness. I remember how one of them slipped up the back of my shirt, surrounding me and pinning our bodies together.
Too much. Abort. Abort.
He says, “I just want you to know that I get it. I get why you want nothing to do with me or football. I’ve seen enough from guys like Abrams and Moore to get your hesitance.” I lift my chin to show their names don’t bother me. “So anyway, I just wanted to let you off the hook. I understand, and . . . it’s cool.”
He pauses for a few moments, then nods his head and walks away. It’s not until he’s completely out of my sight that I let myself acknowledge the disappointment weighing heavy on my chest. A part of me had wanted him to push again, to poke and prod my reasoning until I had a decent excuse to give in.
When Katelyn’s eyes meet mine as I cross the library toward the exit, I straighten my shoulders because, disappointment or not . . . this is for the best.
I SPENT AN hour whining to Stella about how boring my first day at the Learning Lab was, only to find myself wishing for more boring when Carson McClain walks in on my second day. It’s late, with only an hour left before we close for the night, and there are only three tutors working. I’m the only one not already with another student. He’s wearing university sweats and a Rusk T-shirt. His hair is wet, and I’m willing to bet he just came straight from the practice. I don’t think he sees me. He just checks in at the front, stalks through the room, takes a seat at the station in the far corner of the lab, and starts pulling out his books and things.
I hesitate . . . just for a moment. Then I suck it up and go do my job.
“Can I help you?”
He doesn’t look up as he opens an English textbook and flips through a spiral covered in chicken-scratch writing. He smells fresh and clean and masculine, and I tell myself I should take a step back. I don’t.
“Yeah, I have to do an outline for my . . .”
He looks up and trails off.
He doesn’t say anything, but his expression tightens and his light blue eyes don’t dance the way they usually do.
“Hi,” I say, since he doesn’t seem too keen to begin the conversation.
“Never mind,” he says. “I think I’ve got it on my own.”
He looks down, and those words are like a punch to the chest. So much for him being “cool” with it. I look down at the page he’s turned to in his textbook.