The warm touch of his tongue draws a moan from my mouth, and he glides his hands up, slipping beneath my shirt and curving around my ribs. His fingers are so close to my chest, and if the fiery path of his mouth along my belly didn’t have me so rigid, I might have been tempted to arch my chest toward him.
His eyes glance up to meet mine when he places a hot kiss directly above the button of my jeans. The possessive way his body is caged around mine, coupled with a greedy look in his eyes, makes my spine seem to twist in my body. It coils and tightens, spreading to my hips and creating an unfamiliar ache between my legs that terrifies me.
I’m uncomfortable, miserably so, barely resisting the urge to writhe beneath him, and I know it won’t stop. Not until he touches me. Really touches me.
But I can’t ask for that. I’m not sure I can have that.
Sex and regret have always been intertwined for me, and if I sleep with Carson and regret it tomorrow, I think it might kill me.
I know now that with him, there will be no walking away. If it comes to that, I’ll be dragging myself away in pieces.
Chapter 18
Carson
I reach for the button of her jeans, and I see it in her eyes before she says it.
“I can’t do this.”
For a second, I think she means all of it, and I want to scream. But then she smooths a hand through my hair and pulls me up toward her mouth for another kiss, and I get it.
She just can’t do this.
I pushed things too fast. I seem to do that with her a lot. But as long as she keeps being honest with me, as long as she doesn’t run away, I can fix that.
“Okay,” I say, laying a series of kisses on her forehead, cheeks, and mouth. “That’s okay.”
“You’re sure?”
She looks like she expects me to fight her on it or kick her out because of it.
“Very sure.” I kiss her again, the compulsion to taste her too strong to deny. “This is more than enough.”
At her suggestion, we watch another episode of Doctor Who, the first one this time. She smiles at me as she pulls her long hair up into a ponytail while the new episode loads.
I want to pull her to me and wrap my arms around her again, but I also need the separation to calm myself down. I don’t need anything more than she’s given me, but I would like to be able to hold her without my raging hard-on making me miserable.
“I’m going to get some water. You want something?”
She shakes her head no, and I use the spare minutes standing in front of the ice-cold refrigerator to finish talking myself down. I come back with two water bottles, just in case she changes her mind.
This time I lie on my back, and she snuggles up close to me, resting her head on my chest. I run my fingers through her ponytail, and the scent of vanilla settles over me.
I fall asleep that way—my hand in her hair, her body draped over mine—and I can’t remember a more peaceful moment in my entire life.
I WAKE WHEN Dallas shifts next to me, lying almost completely on top of me as she reaches for the phone silently lighting up on the coffee table. She rests her chin on my chest once she has it, eyes heavy with sleep. She yawns and puts the phone to her ear, laying the opposite cheek down against me.
“Hello?”
She’s silent for a few seconds, and then she jerks upright.
“Shit! What time is it?”
I squint at the red lights on the cable box. 3:17 A.M.
“You called him? Are you kidding me, Stella?”
Damn. That didn’t sound good. Not at all.
“I was asleep. I didn’t hear the phone ring. No. I know.” She sighs and looks at me briefly before closing her eyes. “I’m at Carson’s.”
Stella says something, though really it just sounds like shrieking to me, and Dallas replies emphatically, “No, of course not! We were watching a movie and fell asleep.”
She struggles to pull herself up with one hand, so I help, getting us both up into sitting positions. She perches the phone between her shoulder and her ear, and then drags her shoes on.
”Stella, can we talk about this when my dad doesn’t think I’m lying dead somewhere in a ditch?”
She shrugs on one arm of her jacket and then the other. “I’m on my way now. Call him back and tell him . . . I don’t know. Tell him I sent you an e-mail to say I accidentally locked my key and my phone in our room and was crashing at a friend’s, but you just now saw it. And apologize like you’ve never apologized before in your life. I’ll text you when I get there. Can you come let me in through the east stairwell so the dorm monitor doesn’t see me come in? Yeah. Yes, I will. I promise.” She covers her eyes with her hand and mutters, “Bye.”
Still sitting on the couch, I perch my elbows on my knees and tell her, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”
“It’s my own fault. I lied and told Stella that I was leaving that party to go back to our dorm. When she got home and I wasn’t there, she panicked.”
“What did your dad say?”
“He’s freaking out, of course. He didn’t want me to live in the dorms in the first place, so this will be another addition to his list of reasons I’m not mature enough to handle going to school in New York.”
New York? I’m guessing that’s a dance thing, and I don’t like the way that thought leaves me feeling. I don’t like feeling like she’s about to fall through my fingers at any moment.
“Why don’t you stay? If Stella’s calling back your dad, there’s no reason for you to rush back in the middle of the night.”