But if that’s true, why do I feel like a walking depressant all the time? I want to be my sparkling self again, the one who runs wild, laughs all the damn time, and feels comfortable in his own skin. I’m seriously one step away from going all emo, locking myself in my room, and putting the dreariest song I can find on repeat.
Thankfully, I have Callie and her problems to keep me preoccupied from doing so.
“Why do you keep making air quotes?” she asks me during class.
Even though she’s been reluctant to talk about how she’s feeling, I’ve keep pushing her to open up. I can tell she’s upset about the Daisy thing even though she won’t admit it.
I lean over in the desk and whisper. “Because I’m quoting what it said in my psych book?”
“Your psych book talked about my problem?” she asks, unzipping her bag.
“Not specifically, but it was close.” I chew on the end of the pen as I sit up straight in my chair.
She drops her books into her bag and I jot down a few notes before class lets out. We wait until the room has cleared before we head down the stairs.
Professor Jennerly, a gangly man who likes to wear sport coats with elbow patches and eighties style glasses, is waiting by the door when we walk out.
“My classroom is not for outside chit chat,” he scolds. “If you two want to talk, then I suggest you stay out of my class.”
“We’re sorry.” I glance at Callie and roll my eyes. “It’ll never happen again.”
He scowls at us as we exit the room. “It better not.”
I roll my eyes again. “What a drama queen.”
Callie giggles. “Well, we were talking through half his class.”
“That’s because it’s either talk or fall asleep.” I force a yawn then loop my arm through hers. “That class is seriously so boring.
She laughs again as we head down the hallway toward the exit doors. She starts staring out the window at the domed football stadium in the distance, the one where most of Kayden’s games are played.
“Are you thinking about him?” I ask, nudging her in the side.
She rips her attention away from the stadium and focuses on me. “Thinking about who?”
I shake my head. “Callie, you need to either forget about him or talk to him. You can’t just keep avoiding him, yet wanting him.”
“I don’t want him,” she lies. When I frown, she sighs. “Alright, fine. Yes, I think about him. A lot. But I’ll get over him. God, I barely know him.”
“Yet you two shared a lot,” I flatten my palm to the door and push it open. “You saved him. He was the first guy you ever trusted. He gave you your first real kiss.”
“I trusted you first.” She digs through her purse, pulling out a pack of gum.
“That’s not the same.” I hold the door and we step outside. “I’m a friend. Kayden was more than a friend.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.” She pops a piece of gum into her mouth and offers me one. “I don’t know what I feel for him or if it was good or bad. In fact, sometimes I still feel like that scared little girl who doesn’t know what to do with anything.”
I take a piece of gum, unwrapping it before chewing thoughtfully. “Well, maybe you should do whatever the hell you want instead of what you think you should do.” I pause as soon as I say it, processing the full meaning of my words.
Callie isn’t the only one who could benefit from the advice I’ve been giving her the last few weeks. I’ve been lecturing her over and over about coming out of her shell and going after what she wants. I’ve urged her countless times to stop allowing her past and her fear to control her, but here I am doing the same Goddamn thing with Greyson.
Fuck me. Why have I been so blind?
The question is, what am I going to do about it? Continue hiding or stop being so damn scared?
She aims a finger at me accusingly. “You just quoted that from the list.”
I let out an evil laugh, throwing my head back. “That’s because it’s quote day. Didn’t you get the memo?”
A laugh escapes her lips. “Darn it. I forgot to check my messages today. I must’ve missed it.”
I swing an arm around her shoulder and pull her close. “The question is, what do you want to do? And I mean really, really want?”
I know what I want. I really, really do. I just need to find the courage to go after it.
She stops near a bench and gazes at the stadium. “I want to have fun.”
“Now fun is definitely something I can help you with.” I thrum my finger against my lip. “I just need to know how big you want to go.”
She considers my request. “I want to go big. Because it’s either go big or go home, right? And the last thing I want to do is go home.”
“Me, too.” A mischievous smile spreads across my face. “All right, my Callie girl. Let’s go have some fun.”
***
Five hours later, the sun has set, the night has come alive, and Callie and I are smack dab in the middle of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten out and had some good old drunken fun and with five drinks in me, I’m feeling pretty good. So good, in fact, that I’m okay with being at the frat party where we’ve somehow ended up. Callie and I are dancing and letting our hair down, partying like rockstars.
“I’m so glad we decided to do this!” Callie shouts over the music, fanning her hand in front of her face.
I glance at the people around the room, dancing, laughing, drinking, all in their own little worlds. “Me, too!”
She giggles and I giggle.
“I really have no clue what’s so funny,” I say through my laughter. “But God, it feels so good to laugh!”
I let the music take over and really get into it, but slow down the energy when I spot Greyson in the corner with that girl Jenna and her boyfriend. Greyson is drinking from a plastic cup and the three of them are laughing at something. I wonder if he knows I’m here and if so, why he hasn’t come over and said hello. Then I remember what an asshole I’ve been lately. Even if he realizes I’m here, I wouldn’t blame him for not approaching me.
Tearing my attention away from Greyson and his friends, I search the room for the alcohol, but end up stumbling across something way more interesting than vodka. Luke and Kayden are standing by the front door with two girls, neither of whom are Daisy. Goddamn him. I seriously want to hurt him right now for doing this to Callie.