He shook his head. “It’s okay. Even though you weren’t talking about me, I know I’ve missed more than I can hope to recover. But at least I’m trying to do something about it now. I just hope it works out.”
“It will.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. I think you’re the kind of person who accomplishes just about everything you set out to do.”
“It’s not that easy this time.”
“Why not?”
“Mark and I aren’t on very good terms these days. Actually, we’re not on any terms. We haven’t said more than a few words to each other in years.”
She looked at him, not sure what to say. “I didn’t realize it was that long,” she finally offered.
“How would you? It’s not something I’m proud to admit.”
“What are you going to say to him? At first, I mean?”
“I have no idea.” He looked at her. “Any suggestions? You seem to have a pretty good handle on the parent thing.”
“Not really. I guess I’d have to know what the problem is first.”
“It’s a long story.”
“We’ve got all day if you want to talk about it.”
Paul took a drink, as if summoning his resolve. Then, over the next half hour, and to the accompaniment of the escalating wind and rain outside, he told her how he hadn’t been around when Mark was growing up, about the argument in the restaurant, his inability to find the will to repair the rift between them. By the time he was finished, the fire was burning lower. Adrienne was quiet for a moment.
“That’s a tough one,” she admitted.
“I know.”
“But this isn’t all your fault, you know. It takes two people to keep a feud going.”
“That’s pretty philosophical.”
“It’s still true, though.”
“What should I do?”
“I guess I’d say not to push too hard. I think you probably need to get to know each other before you start working on the problems between you two.”
He smiled, thinking about her words. “You know, I hope your kids realize how smart their mother is.”
“They don’t. But I’m still hopeful.”
He laughed, thinking her skin looked radiant in the gentle light. A log sparked, sending trails up the chimney. Paul added more wine to both their glasses.
“How long are you planning to stay in Ecuador?” she asked.
“I’m not sure yet. I guess that’s up to Mark and how long he wants me there.” He swirled his wine before looking at her. “But I’d say I’ll be there at least a year. That’s what I told the director, anyway.”
“And then you’ll come back?”
He shrugged. “Who knows. I suppose I could go anywhere. It’s not like I have anything to return to in Raleigh. To be honest, I haven’t thought about what I’ll do when I get back. Maybe I’ll take up watching bed-and-breakfasts when the owners are out of town.”
She laughed. “I think you’d get pretty bored with that.”
“But I’d be good if a storm was coming.”
“True, but you’d have to learn to cook.”
“Good point.” Paul glanced toward her, his face half in shadow. “Then maybe I’ll just move to Rocky Mount and figure it out from there.”
At his words, Adrienne felt the blood rush to her cheeks. She shook her head and turned away.
“Don’t say that.”
“Say what?”
“Things you don’t mean.”
“What makes you think I don’t mean it?”
She wouldn’t meet his eyes, nor would she answer, and in the stillness of the room, he could see her chest rising and falling with her breaths. He could see a shadow of fear cross her face but didn’t know if it was because she wanted him to come and was afraid he wouldn’t, or didn’t want him to come and was afraid he would. He reached over, resting his hand on her arm. When he spoke again his voice was soft, as if trying to comfort a small child.
“I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable,” he said, “but this weekend… it’s like something I didn’t know existed. I mean, it’s been a dream. You’ve been a dream.”
The warmth of his hand seemed to penetrate into her bones.
“I’ve had a wonderful time, too,” she said.
“But you don’t feel the same way.”
She looked at him. “Paul… I . .”
“No, you don’t have to say anything—”
She didn’t let him finish. “Yes, I do. You want an answer, and I’d like to give you one, okay?” She paused, composing her thoughts. “When Jack and I split up, it was more than just the ending of a marriage. It ended everything I’d hoped for in the future. And it ended who I was, too. I thought I wanted to move on, and I tried, but the world didn’t seem all that interested in who I was anymore. Men in general weren’t interested in me, and I guess I retreated into a shell. This weekend made me realize that about myself, and I’m still coming to terms with that.”
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me.”
“I’m not saying this because the answer is no. I would like to see you again. You’re charming and intelligent, and the past two days have meant more to me than you probably realize. But moving to Rocky Mount? A year is a long time, and there’s no telling who either of us will be then. Look how much you’ve changed in the last six months. Can you honestly tell me that you’ll feel the same way about all this a year from now?”