Mickey Donovan was into me.
“Now are you gonna be cute, which means I’m gonna have to kiss you again, which will maybe be so hot I won’t be able to stop it this time so I’ll have to fuck you against a wall in the hall of a restaurant while my kids are waiting for me to eat my son’s birthday dinner? Or are you gonna get your ass to the table and get that guy outta here?”
I was breathing heavier when I answered, “I’m gonna get that guy outta here.”
“Good call.”
We stared at each other and didn’t move.
This lasted long moments before Mickey noted, “You aren’t leaving.”
“You have to let me go, honey,” I whispered.
“Fuck,’ he whispered back, and the unbearable happened.
His fingers slid out of my hair, his hand glided away from my bottom, and he stepped back.
I felt like a treasure chest full of gold had been bared to me, all mine for the keeping, and then the minute I dug my fingers into the gleaming coins, it disappeared in a blink.
“Go, baby,” he ordered gently.
I held his gaze, licked my lips, rolled them together and nodded.
Then I started to go but stopped when he called a soft, “Amy.”
God, just my name on his lips made me even wetter.
I turned to him to see he’d grabbed my forgotten clutch from where it had dropped to the floor and was holding it out to me.
I took it, whispering, “Thanks.”
“Go,” he whispered back.
I took off, wisely going first to the bathroom to fix my hair (it didn’t look near as good when I finished, then again, I didn’t have a lot of time and my hands were shaking).
I also put lipstick on.
But there was no way to hide I looked like I’d been kissed. Thoroughly. My lips were swollen, my cheeks flushed, my eyes dazed. I tried to rectify it but I didn’t have time enough for that either.
This would be to my fortune, though not entirely, for it would make my errand of getting Bradley out of the restaurant easy, it was just that doing it wasn’t pleasant.
He’d noticed Mickey gone.
He noticed my thoroughly kissed mouth and disheveled side bun when I returned.
So when I shared gently we had to leave so we could talk, he threw an acid look Mickey’s way before he tossed his napkin down, pushed his chair back, got out his wallet, flung some bills on the table and stalked away.
He didn’t help me out of my seat.
He didn’t hold my hand as he marched out of the restaurant.
And he went so fast, I had to hurry to keep up so I could only glance and wave at the Donovan table.
Mickey was looking at me, his look was a mix of annoyed and heated.
Cillian waved at me.
Aisling only glanced at me but when she looked away, she smiled a little smile like the cat who just got her cream.
* * * * * *
I was pacing in front of my wall of windows, phone to my ear.
I was also babbling.
To voicemail.
“Okay, so I know I pulled back. I know you tried to keep in touch with me. I know I had a lot of things on my mind but you were one of them and I should have let you know that and not just through texts,” I said to Robin’s mailbox. “But a lot was happening with me, is happening with me, and while that happened, I made a lot of mistakes. Lots of them.”
I pulled in a deep breath and kept babbling.
“But later tonight, a man is going to ring my doorbell and I know in my heart I won’t be making a mistake opening it to him. But I screwed up so bad picking Conrad, who I knew in my heart was the man for me, I’m scared to death because that man that’s soon arriving and I…it’s been rocky. It’s been…Robin, it’s been really rocky.”
I closed my eyes and started winding it down.
“I’m shutting up now. And I’m hoping to all that is holy that you’re not communicating with me because you’re angry with me and not because something has happened with you and nobody’s told me.”
I turned and looked out at the sea.
“Call me,” I finished. “Please, Robin, call me. And if you’re angry with me, then at least text me to tell me you’re okay.”
With that, I ended the call.
I stopped pacing and looked out the windows.
Suffice it to say, while Bradley was wasting no time (and scaring me a little) driving like a madman to get me home and dump me at my house, he didn’t mind at all that I was ending things.
He also didn’t walk me to the door or even wait to reverse out of my drive and take off before I got to it.
This was beyond awkward and it made me feel like a bitchy slut, or a slutty bitch (no, actually, both).
So after I let myself inside and turned on a lamp by the TV, walked to the kitchen and flipped on the pendants over the bar, I put my clutch on the counter and dug out my phone.
Then I texted him, There’s no excuse for what happened tonight so I won’t try to make one. I’ll only say I’m very sorry. I enjoyed our time together and I’m sad that it ended this way.
I said no more, not telling him he’s a good man and he’ll find someone, which would probably not be something he wanted to read from me. Nor did I tell him I wasn’t leading him on or playing games and that things with Mickey and I were complicated, which was true but would sound banal to him and also something he wouldn’t want to read. Nor did I tell him I hoped he didn’t think badly about me because that was selfish and likely an impossible feat.
I kept it short and offered my apologies. It was the only thing I could do.
I fretted for a while about my behavior but the fretting drifted away and the pacing started when it sunk in completely that Mickey Donovan had kissed me.
Kissed me.
I didn’t know how that could happen. I’d kissed him and he’d pulled away, told me I was…“attractive,” gave no indication he was interested in me, and in fact gave lots of indication he didn’t much like me.
When the fretting about that started to overwhelm me, I’d called Robin.
With that call done, now I had hours before Mickey would show at my door, possibly to kiss me again (which caused such extreme excitement I felt the urge to go straight to the toy in my nightstand drawer and make use of it). He also possibly would ask me out, which was frankly unfathomable (or had been, until he kissed me).
Or he possibly would come over in order to tell me what happened at the restaurant was a huge mistake and he thought it best we never see each other again.
Which would mean I’d lose Mickey even though I didn’t have Mickey and when I did, we were fighting.