We set off. Eddie walked near guard with Lissa and Christian, which left me with far guard. It also left me with Adrian, who had chosen to lag behind and talk to me. He was smoking, so I got to be the one to deal with the toxic cloud that generated. Honestly, I couldn't figure out why no one in charge had busted him for this. I wrinkled my nose at the smell.
"You know, you can always be our far-far guard and stay behind with that thing," I told him.
"Mm, I've had enough." He dropped the cigarette and stamped it out, leaving it behind. I hated that almost as much as him smoking in the first place.
"What do you think, little dhampir?" he asked. "I was pretty badass with that plant, wasn't I? Of course, it would have been more badass if I'd, I dunno, helped an amputee grow a limb back. Or maybe separated Siamese twins. But that'll come with more practice."
"If you want some advice - which I'm sure you don't - you guys should lay off on the magic. Christian still thinks you're moving in on Lissa."
"What?" he asked in mock astonishment. "Doesn't he know my heart belongs to you?"
"It does not. And no, he's still worried about it, despite what I've told him."
"You know, I bet if we started making out right now, it would make him feel better."
"If you touch me," I said pleasantly, "I'll provide you with the opportunity to see if you can heal yourself. Then we'd see how badass you really are."
"I'd get Lissa to heal me," he said smugly. "It'd be easy for her. Although..." The sardonic smirk faded. "Something weird happened when she used her magic."
"Yeah," I said. "I know. Could you sense it too?"
"No. But I saw it." He frowned. "Rose ... remember when you asked about being crazy and I said you weren't?"
"Yeah..."
"I think I might have been wrong. I think you are crazy."
I nearly stopped walking. "What the hell does that mean?"
"Well...you see, the thing is, when Lissa did the second plant... her aura dimmed a little."
"That would go along with what I felt," I said. "It was kind of like she ... I don't know, grew mentally fragile for a moment, kind of like she used to. But it went away."
He nodded. "Yeah, that's the thing...the darkness in her aura went away and into yours. Like, I've noticed before that you guys have a big difference in auras, but this time, I saw it happening. It was like that spot of darkness jumped out of hers and into yours."
Something about that made me shiver. "What does it mean?"
"Well, this is why I think you're crazy. Lissa isn't having any side effects from the magic anymore, right? And you, well... you've been feeling kind of short-tempered lately and you're, like, seeing ghosts." He said the words casually, like seeing ghosts was just something that happened from time to time. "I think whatever harmful thing there is in spirit that screws with the mind is leaking out of her and into you. It's making her stay stable, and you, well... as I said, you're seeing ghosts."
It was like being smacked in the face. A new theory. Not trauma. Not real ghosts. Me "catching" Lissa's madness. I remembered how she'd been at her worst, depressed and self-destructive. I remembered our former teacher, Ms. Karp, who'd also been a spirit user - and completely out of her mind enough to become Strigoi.
"No," I said in a strained voice. "That's not happening to me."
"What about your bond? You have that connection. Her thoughts and feelings creep into you ... why not the madness too?" Adrian's manner was typically light and curious. He didn't realize just how much this was starting to freak me out.
"Because it doesn't make any - "
And then, it hit me. The answer we'd been searching for this whole time.
St. Vladimir had struggled his whole life with spirit's side effects. He'd had dreams and delusions, experiences he wrote off to "demons." But he hadn't gone completely crazy or tried to kill himself. Lissa and I had felt certain that it was because he had a shadow-kissed guardian, Anna, and that sharing that bond with her had helped him. We'd assumed it was simply the act of having such a close friend around, someone who could support him and talk him through the bad times since they hadn't had antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs back then.
But what if... what if...
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't go another single moment without knowing the answer. What time was it anyway? An hour or so before curfew? I had to find out. I came to an abrupt halt, nearly slipping on the slick ground.
"Christian!"
The group in front of us stopped and looked back at me and Adrian. "Yeah?" Christian asked.
"I need to take a detour - or rather, we do since I can't go anywhere without you. We need to go to the church."
His eyebrows rose in surprise. "What, you need to confess something?"
"Don't ask questions. Please. It'll only take a few minutes."
Concern crossed Lissa's face. "Well, we can all go - "
"No, we'll be fast." I didn't want her there. I didn't want her to hear the answer I was certain I'd get. "Go to the dorm. We'll catch up. Please, Christian?"
He studied me, expression oscillating between wanting to mock me and wanting to help. He wasn't a complete jerk, after all. The latter emotion won out. "Okay, but if you try to get me to pray with you, I walk."
He and I split off toward the chapel. I moved so fast that he had to scurry to keep up.
"I don't suppose you want to tell me what this is about?" he asked.
"Nope. I appreciate your cooperation, though."
"Always glad to help," he said. I was certain he was rolling his eyes, but I was more focused on the path ahead.
We reached the chapel, and the door was locked, unsurprisingly. I knocked on it, staring anxiously around to see if any lights shone through the windows. It didn't look like it.
"You know, I've broken in here before," said Christian. "If you need inside - "
"No, more than that. I need to see the priest. Damn it, he's not here."
"He's probably in bed."
"Damn it," I repeated, feeling only a little bad about swearing on a church's doorstep. If the priest was in bed, he'd be off in Moroi staff housing and inaccessible. "I need to - "
The door opened, and Father Andrew peered out at us. He looked surprised but not upset. "Rose? Christian? Is something wrong?"
"I have to ask you a question," I told him. "It won't take long."