I didn't even realize I'd fallen asleep until Lissa woke me up. She looked like an angel herself, the pale hair hanging long and loose around her face. Her eyes were as gentle and compassionate as those of the saints.
"Rose," she said. "We've been looking all over for you. Have you been here the entire time?"
I sat up, feeling tired and bleary-eyed. Considering I hadn't slept the night before and had then gone on a massive raid, my fatigue was understandable.
"Pretty much," I told her.
She shook her head. "That was hours ago. You should go eat something."
"I'm not hungry." Hours ago. I clutched her arm. "What time is it? Has the sun come up?"
"No. It's still about, oh, five hours away."
Five hours. How could I wait that long?
Lissa touched my face. I felt magic burn through our bond, and then the warm and cold tingling coursed through my own skin. Bruises and cuts disappeared.
"You shouldn't do that," I said.
A faint smile crossed her lips. "I've been doing it all day. I've been helping Dr. Olendzki."
"I heard that, but wow. It just feels so strange. We've always kept it hidden, you know?"
"It doesn't matter if everyone knows now," she said with a shrug. "After everything that's happened, I had to help. So many people are hurt, and if it means my secret getting out...well, it had to happen sooner or later. Adrian's been helping too, though he can't do as much."
And then, it hit me. I straightened up.
"Oh my God, Liss. You can save him. You can help Dimitri."
Deep sorrow filled her face and the bond. "Rose," she said quietly. "They say Dimitri's dead."
"No," I said. "He can't be. You don't understand. ... I think he was just injured. Probably badly. But if you're there when they bring him back, you can heal him." Then, the craziest thought of all came to me. "And if... if he did die ..." The words hurt coming out. "You could bring him back! Just like with me. He'd be shadow-kissed too."
Her face grew even sadder. Sorrow - for me now - radiated out from her. "I can't do that. Bringing people back from the dead is a huge power drain...and besides, I don't think I could do it on someone who has been dead, um, that long. I think it has to be recent."
I could hear the crazy desperation in my own voice. "But you have to try."
"I can't..." She swallowed. "You heard what I said to the queen. I meant it. I can't go around bringing every dead person back to life. That gets into the kind of abuse Victor wanted. It's why we kept this secret."
"You'd let him die? You wouldn't do this? You wouldn't do this for me?" I wasn't shouting, but my voice was definitely too loud for a church. Most everyone was gone now, and with the level of grief around here, I doubted anyone thought too much of an outburst. "I would do anything for you. You know that. And you won't do this for me?" I was on the verge of sobbing.
Lissa studied me, a million thoughts swirling in her mind. She assessed my words, my face, my voice. And like that, she finally got it. She finally realized what I felt for Dimitri, that it was more than a teacher-student bond. I felt the knowledge light up in her mind. Countless connections suddenly came together for her: comments I'd made, ways that Dimitri and I acted around each other ... it all made sense to her now, things she'd been too blind to notice. Questions immediately sprang up too, but she didn't ask any of them or even mention what she'd realized. Instead, she just took my hand in hers and pulled me close.
"I'm so sorry, Rose. I'm so, so sorry. I can't."
I let her drag me away after that, presumably to get food. But when I sat at the cafeteria table and stared at the tray in front of me, the thought of eating anything made me sicker than being around the Strigoi had. She gave up after that, realizing nothing was going to happen until I knew what had happened to Dimitri. We went up to her room, and I lay down on the bed. She sat near me, but I didn't want to talk, and I soon fell asleep again.
The next time I woke up, it was my mother beside me.
"Rose, we're going to check the caves. You can't go into them, but you can come to the school's borders with us if you want."
It was the best I could get. If it meant I could find out what had happened to Dimitri a moment sooner than if I stayed here, I'd do it. Lissa came with me, and we trailed behind the assembled guardian party. I was still hurt by her refusal to heal Dimitri, but a part of me secretly thought she wouldn't be able to hold back once she saw him.
The guardians had assembled a large group to check the caves, just in case. We were pretty sure the Strigoi were gone, however. They'd lost their advantage and had to know that if we came back for the dead, it would be with renewed numbers. Any of them that had survived would be gone.
The guardians crossed over the wards, and the rest of us who had followed along waited by the border. Hardly anyone spoke. It would probably be three hours before they came back, counting travel time. Trying to ignore the dark, leaden feeling inside of me, I sat on the ground and rested my head against Lissa's shoulder, wishing the minutes would fly by. A Moroi fire user created a bonfire, and we all warmed ourselves by it.
The minutes didn't fly, but they did eventually pass. Someone shouted that the guardians were coming back. I leapt up and ran to look. What I saw drove me to a halt.
Stretchers. Stretchers carrying the bodies of those who had been killed. Dead guardians, their faces pale and eyes unseeing. One of the watching Moroi went and threw up in a bush. Lissa started crying. One by one, the dead filed past us. I stared, feeling cold and empty, wondering if I'd see their ghosts the next time I went outside the wards.
Finally, the whole group had gone by. Five bodies, but it had felt like five hundred. And there was one body I hadn't seen. One I'd been dreading. I ran up to my mother. She was helping carry a stretcher. She wouldn't look at me and undoubtedly knew what I'd come to ask.
"Where's Dimitri?" I demanded. "Is he..." It was too much to hope for, too much to ask. "Is he alive?" Oh God. What if my prayers had been answered? What if he was back there injured, waiting for them to send a doctor?
My mother didn't answer right away. I barely recognized her voice when she did.
"He wasn't there, Rose."
I stumbled over the uneven ground and had to hurry up to catch her again. "Wait, what's that mean? Maybe he's injured and left to get help...."
She still wouldn't look at me. "Molly wasn't there either."
Molly was the Moroi who had been snacked on. She was my age, tall and beautiful. I'd seen her body in the cave, drained of blood. She had definitely been dead. There was no way she'd been injured and staggered out. Molly and Dimitri. Both their bodies gone.