After a deep breath, I turn the key. She chugs a little as I feel the mechanics all trying to rub together, adjusting to each other.
Releasing the ignition, I wait a few seconds, then, I turn her again, and this time, she comes to life.
I beam at Carrick. “She’s working! I can’t believe she’s working!”
“I can. You can fix anything you put your mind to.”
But not me. I can’t fix the broken in me.
I bite my lip, feeling myself waver.
“Are you getting emotional on me?” he asks.
“A bit.” A tear slips from my eye. I wipe it away.
“Well, I might make this either better or worse.” He reaches into the glove box and pulls out some papers. He holds them out for me to take.
“What are these?” I ask, taking them from him.
“If my girl doesn’t know what a logbook looks like, then I’m gonna be worried.”
I hear the hint of nerves in his voice as my eyes start scanning the papers.
Fuck…
“Carrick…I…you…”
“She’s yours.”
“No,” I gasp. “Carrick…it’s too much…you can’t…”
“I can, and I have.” He turns in his seat. Reaching over, he takes my face in his hands. “I bought her for you. She belongs to you. It’s what your dad would have wanted.”
I close my eyes on a blink, and tears roll down my cheeks. My throat is thick with emotion.
“I love it, what you’ve done…but it’s just so much money. I can’t take that kind of money from you.”
“It’s nonnegotiable. The paperwork’s done. It’s legal and binding. The only way you’re getting rid of this car is if you sell her, and I don’t think you’ll do that.” He gives me a winning look.
I should be mad at him for doing this…spending so much money on me. But how can I be angry with such a beautiful man who has done such a beautiful thing for me?
“Carrick…I…” Love you. “I’m beyond crazy about you.” Then, I kiss him, with everything I have.
When we finally break apart, breathing heavily, he rests his forehead against mine. “I really want you right now, but I think it’d be kind of creepy if I fucked you in your dad’s car.”
“Not kind of creepy. It’d be totally creepy.”
He chuckles. “Well, let’s take her out for a drive, see how she opens up. Then, we’re coming back here, and I’m spending the rest of the day inside you, fucking you in every room in my house and quite possibly the garden.”
Grinning at him, I say, “Sounds perfect.”
IT’S FAIR TO SAY that Carrick and I have grown incredibly close these last few weeks. We’ve reached a level of intimacy that I never thought I would be able to have with a man.
We’re together a lot, only apart when I’m working or he’s training.
Carrick did want me to forego sharing a room with Petra and just stay with him, but I felt I should maintain some form of independence from him. He wasn’t happy about it, but I was firm.
Staying in his room with him would almost be like living together, and I don’t want to rush things. Although my stuff might be in my and Petra’s room, I still sleep in Carrick’s bed every night. It’s a hard task, staying away from him, so having my clothes and belongings in another room is the only way to make it feel like we are actually going slow.
Everyone knows that we’re together. Carrick was insistent about that. He told his dad and Pierce, and I told Uncle John, who wasn’t as surprised as I’d thought he would be. Of course I told Petra, and she just flipped out with excitement. I got an, “About fucking time,” from Ben.
Apparently, the sexual tension between Carrick and me has been killing everyone.
Carrick won the British Grand Prix. It was a great moment for him. Winning at home is always a huge thing.
And he also won in Germany, too.
I was proud of him. But at the British Grand Prix, that was the moment I realized how hard being with Carrick is going to be for me. Watching him race on that screen, I had a full-blown panic attack.
It came out of nowhere. Fortunately, I had sense enough to get myself to the restroom before anyone could see it.
I didn’t tell Carrick about it. He was too happy with his win, and I didn’t want to bring him down, so I haven’t said anything. It happened in Germany, too.
And now, we’re in Budapest, and the race is a few days away. To say I’m anxious is putting it mildly.
I just need to find a way to deal with this. If I’m with him, he’s always going to race. I’m always going to have to watch. I have to learn to deal.
“I look okay?” I ask Carrick.
We’re in my room. He’s laid out on my bed, looking handsome in dark jeans and a shirt, watching TV while I dress.
Petra’s out having dinner with the guys. Carrick and I are going to have dinner with his dad.
It was Owen’s idea.
I’m nervous. I know Owen doesn’t like me.
“You look beautiful.” Carrick gets up from the bed and comes over to me. Wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, he stares back at me in the mirror. “You always look beautiful.”
I’m wearing a cute little sleeveless knee-length floral dress with these gold sandals that I got when I went shopping with Petra. She’s such a big help with buying girlie clothes for me.
Biting my lip, I glance back at him. “I just want to make a good impression. I want him to like me.”