“Andressa…”
Hearing his voice saying my name is like having a glass of water in the arid desert, only to find that it’s not real but a mirage.
“Hi.” My voice is weak with everything.
“We’ll leave you to it.” Uncle John presses a kiss to my temple. “I’ll see you soon, kiddo.”
I don’t watch them leave. I can’t take my eyes off Carrick. We’re both just standing here, staring at one another.
“I’ll go get the car,” Owen says.
Carrick gives a nod of acknowledgement but still doesn’t look away from me.
Being here with him, looking into his eyes, I feel like I’m drowning and coming back to life all at once.
“How…have you been?” He takes another small step closer, but somehow, it’s not close enough.
But then, nothing ever was close enough for me when it came to him.
That’s always been the problem. I feel too much when I’m around Carrick. It’s our greatest thing and my biggest downfall.
“Okay…I think. I mean…I don’t know. You?”
Finally, he looks away, his gaze sweeping the floor. I hear him blow out a breath before he brings his eyes back to mine. “Same…I guess.”
His hand is flexing at his side. He looks like he wants to touch me and run away at the same time.
I know this because I’m feeling exactly the same way.
Nothing has felt more difficult than this moment right now. I thought that the day we broke up was hard…horrific, but this seems worse somehow.
I guess because, back then, even though we were fighting…falling apart, he was still mine in a way. And now…we’re nothing but two people who used to be together.
“I was going to call you.” He clears his rough throat. “We need to talk”—my heart lifts a little—“about your car.” Then, it deflates. “It’s still in my garage, but I thought…I mean, if you’re staying here, then I can have her shipped to you. Or if you are coming back home to England, I could drive it over to your place, or you could pick her up. I mean, whatever you want. Either way…just let me know.”
My dad’s car.
Carrick’s and my car.
I feel a wave of emotions so strong that I don’t know what to do with myself.
That car symbolizes everything that mattered in my life.
It was what finally brought Carrick and me together.
I have to let it go. It’s the right thing to do.
Taking a deep breath, I hold my emotions back. “Thank you…so much. But I can’t keep the car. It doesn’t feel right, not now.”
His brows draw together, and I can see a world of hurt in his eyes. “She’s your car, Andressa. I bought her for you.” His words are spoken softly.
And they punch me straight in the heart.
“She cost so much money, Carrick. Now that we’re…no longer together, it would feel wrong of me to keep her.”
He blows out a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I can’t keep the car, Andressa.” His words are quiet, pained. “Even if you no longer want her, I just…I can’t keep her. I can donate her to a charity auction or something. I don’t know. Just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.” He looks at me with pleading eyes, and there’s a desperation in his words that says so much more.
Is he not over me?
It’s wrong for me to feel a spark of hope that I have no entitlement too, but still, I feel it.
I so desperately want to reach out to him in this moment.
Keeping a hold of myself, I bind my hands together in front of me. “I’ll keep her.” I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.
His eyes lift a little. “Where should I have her shipped to? Here…or your place in England?”
I still have my apartment. The lease was for a year, and it’s not up yet.
Is that hope in his voice at the thought of me going back to England?
“It’s…probably best to have her shipped here.”
His eyes dim.
I wrap my arms around myself to try to ward off the chill I feel. But it’s not going anywhere because it’s coming from deep inside me. “Please make sure to send me the bill for shipping.”
“It’s okay.” He brushes me off.
But I can’t let him pay. He’s done enough for me already.
“Please let me pay for the shipping, Carrick,” I say softly.
“Jesus, Andressa!” he snaps. “Just let me do this one last fucking thing for you.”
His impatience is driven by hurt.
I know that, and that’s why I say in a soft, sad voice, “Okay, Carrick…okay.”
The air is thick with everything. So much is left unsaid between us. It’s hard to breathe. My whole body is aching for his. Memories are painting out in the air around us, killing me slowly.
I lift my eyes, meeting with his. It’s there, that connection between us, the one that’s been there right from the start.
His lips part, like he’s just about to say something, but he’s cut off at the roar of the engine as Owen’s car pulls up in front of mine.
Breaking away from his stare, I glance at Owen’s car. “I should…let you go.” God, this hurts—badly. I don’t want to leave him. But I have to.
I force my feet to move toward my car. “It was really good seeing you.”
“Andressa…” His voice pulls me back, not that it would have taken much.
“Yes?” There’s hope in my voice. I know it, and I can’t help it.