He wasn't the only one filled with wonder. My mind might have been tied to Lissa's, but back across Court, my own body nearly stopped breathing. The glimpse I'd gotten of him last night had been amazing. But this... this full-on view of him looking at Lissa--at me--was awe-inspiring. It was a wonder. A gift. A miracle.
Seriously. How could anyone think he was a Strigoi? And how could I have possibly let myself believe the Dimitri I'd been with in Siberia was this one? He'd cleaned up from the battle and wore jeans and a simple black T-shirt. His brown hair was tied back into a short ponytail, and a faint shadow across his lower face showed that he needed to shave. Probably no one would let him get near a razor. Regardless, it almost made him look sexier--more real, more dhampir. More alive. His eyes were what really pulled it all together. His death white skin--now gone--had always been startling, but those red eyes had been the worst. Now they were perfect. Exactly as they used to be. Warm and brown and long-lashed. I could have gazed at them forever.
"Vasilisa," he breathed. The sound of his voice made my chest tighten. God, I'd missed hearing him speak. "You came back."
As soon as he began approaching the bars, the guardians around Lissa started closing rank, ready to stop him should he indeed bust through. "Back off!" she snapped in a queenly tone, glaring at everyone around her. "Give us some space." No one reacted right away, and she put more power into her voice. "I mean it! Step back!"
I felt the slightest trickle of magic through our link. It wasn't a huge amount, but she was backing her words with a little spirit-induced compulsion. She could hardly control such a large group, but the command had enough force to make them clear out a little and create space between her and Dimitri. She turned her attention back to him, demeanor instantly changing from fierce to kind.
"Of course I came back. How are you? Are they..." She cast a dangerous look at the guardians in the hall. "Are they treating you okay?"
He shrugged. "Fine. Nobody's hurting me." If he was anything like his old self, he would have never admitted if anyone was hurting him. "Just a lot of questions. So many questions." He sounded weary, again... very unlike a Strigoi who never needed rest. "And my eyes. They keep wanting to examine my eyes."
"But how do you feel?" she asked. "In your mind? In your heart?" If the whole situation hadn't been so sobering, I would have been amused. It was very much a therapist's line of questioning--something both Lissa and I had experienced a lot of. I'd hated being asked those questions, but now I truly wanted to know how Dimitri felt.
His gaze, which had so intently focused on her, now drifted away and grew unfocused. "It's... it's hard to describe. It's like I've woken up from a dream. A nightmare. Like I've been watching someone else act through my body--like I was at a movie or a play. But it wasn't someone else. It was me. All of it was me, and now here I am, and the whole world has shifted. I feel like I'm relearning everything."
"It'll pass. You'll get more used to it, once you settle back into your old self." That was a guess on her part, but one she felt confident of.
He inclined his head toward the gathered guardians. "They don't think so."
"They will," she said adamantly. "We just need more time." A small silence fell, and Lissa hesitated before speaking her next words. "Rose... wants to see you."
Dimitri's dreamy, morose attitude snapped in a heartbeat. His eyes focused back on Lissa, and I got my first glimpse of true, intense emotion from him. "No. Anyone but her. I can't see her. Don't let her come here. Please."
Lissa swallowed, unsure how to respond. The fact that she had an audience made it harder. The best she could do was lower her voice so the others wouldn't hear. "But... she loves you. She's worried about you. What happened... with us being able to save you? Well, a lot of it was because of her."
"You saved me."
"I only did the final piece. The rest... well, Rose did, um, a lot." Say, like, organizing a prison break and releasing fugitives.
Dimitri turned from Lissa, and the fire that had briefly lit his features faded. He walked over to the side of the cell and leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, took a deep breath, and then opened them.
"Anyone but her," he repeated. "Not after what I did to her. I did a lot of things... horrible things." He turned his hands palm-up and stared at them for a moment, like he could see blood. "What I did to her was worst of all--especially because it was her. She came to save me from that state, and I..." He shook his head. "I did terrible things to her. Terrible things to others. I can't face her after that. What I did was unforgivable."
"It's not," said Lissa urgently. "It wasn't you. Not really. She'll forgive you."
"No. There's no forgiveness for me--not after what I did. I don't deserve her, don't deserve to even be around her. The only thing I can do..." He walked back over to Lissa, and to the astonishment of both of us, he fell to his knees before her. "The only thing I can do--the only redemption I can try for--is to pay you back for saving me."
"Dimitri," she began uneasily, "I told you--"
"I felt that power. In that moment, I felt you bring my soul back. I felt you heal it. That's a debt I can't ever repay, but I swear I'll spend the rest of my life trying." He was looking up at her, that enraptured look back on his face.
"I don't want that. There's nothing to repay."
"There's everything to pay," he argued. "I owe you my life--my soul. It's the only way I can come close to ever redeeming myself for all the things I did. It's still not enough... but it's all I can do." He clasped his hands. "I swear, whatever you need, anything--if it's in my power--I'll do it. I'll serve and protect you for the rest of my life. I'll do whatever you ask. You have my loyalty forever."
Again, Lissa started to say she didn't want that, but then a canny thought came to mind. "Will you see Rose?"
He grimaced. "Anything but that."
"Dimitri--"
"Please. I'll do anything else for you, but if I see her... it'll hurt too much."
That was probably the only reason that could have made Lissa drop the subject. That and the desperate, dejected look on Dimitri's face. It was one she had never seen before, one I'd never seen before either. He'd always been so invincible in my eyes, and this sign of vulnerability didn't make him seem weaker to me. It simply made him more complex. It made me love him more--and want to help him.