Lissa, not guessing what I had, remarked, "I don't even know that I believed either. But as soon as it happened, well... I knew. I know. There's no Strigoi in him. I have to help him. I have to make others realize it. I can't let them lock him up forever--or worse." Getting Dimitri out of the warehouse without the other guardians staking him had been no easy feat for her, and she shivered recalling those first few seconds after his change when everyone had been shouting to kill him.
Christian turned back and met her eyes curiously. "What did you mean when you said he was like Dimitri but not like Dimitri?"
Her voice trembled a little when she spoke. "He's... sad."
"Sad? Seems like he should be happy he was saved."
"No... you don't understand. He feels awful about everything he did as a Strigoi. Guilty, depressed. He's punishing himself for it because he doesn't think he can be forgiven."
"Holy shit," said Christian, clearly caught off guard. A few Moroi girls had walked by just then and looked scandalized at his swearing. They hurried off, whispering among themselves. Christian ignored them. "But he couldn't help it--"
"I know, I know. I already went over it with him."
"Can Rose help?"
"No," Lissa said bluntly.
Christian waited, apparently hoping she'd elaborate. He grew annoyed when she didn't. "What do you mean she can't? She should be able to help us more than anyone!"
"I don't want to get into it." My situation with Dimitri bothered her a lot. That made two of us. Lissa turned toward the medical building. It looked regal and castle-like on the outside, but it housed a facility as sterile and modern as any hospital. "Look, I need to get inside. And don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" he demanded, taking a few steps toward her.
"That disapproving, pissed-off look you get when you don't get your way."
"I don't have that look!"
"You have it right now." She backed away from him, moving toward the center's door. "If you want the whole story, we can talk later, but I don't have the time... and honestly... I don't really feel like telling it."
That pissed-off look--and she was right, he did have it--faded a little. Almost nervously, he said, "Okay. Later then. And Lissa..."
"Hmm?"
"I'm glad you're all right. What you did last night... well, it really was amazing."
Lissa stared at him for several heavy seconds, her heart rate rising slightly as she watched a light breeze ruffle his black hair. "I couldn't have done it without your help," she said at last. With that, she turned and went inside, and I returned completely to my own head.
And like earlier, I was at a loss. Lissa would be busy the rest of the day, and standing and yelling in the guardians' office wouldn't really help me get to Dimitri. Well, I supposed there was the off chance I might annoy them so much that they'd throw me in jail too. Then Dimitri and I would be next to each other. I promptly dismissed that plan, fearing the only thing it would land me with was more filing.
What could I do? Nothing. I needed to see him again but didn't know how. I hated not having a plan. Lissa's encounter with Dimitri hadn't been nearly long enough for me, and anyway, I felt it was important to take him in through my eyes, not hers. And oh, that sadness... that utter look of hopelessness. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to hold him, to tell him everything would be okay. I wanted to tell him I forgave him and that we'd make everything like it used to be. We could be together, just the way we planned...
The thought brought tears to my eyes, and left alone with my frustration and inactivity, I returned to my room and flounced onto the bed. Alone, I could finally let loose the sobs I'd been holding in since last night. I didn't even entirely know what I was crying for. The trauma and blood of the last day. My own broken heart. Dimitri's sorrow. The cruel circumstances that had ruined our lives. Really, there were a lot of choices.
I stayed in my room for a good part of the day, lost in my own grief and restlessness. Over and over, I replayed Lissa's meeting with Dimitri, what he'd said and how he looked. I lost track of time, and it took a knock at the door to snap me out of my own suffocating emotions.
Hastily rubbing an arm over my eyes, I opened the door to find Adrian standing out there. "Hey," I said, a little surprised by his presence--not to mention guilty, considering I'd been moping over another guy. I wasn't ready to face Adrian yet, but it appeared I had no choice now. "Do you... do you want to come in?"
"Wish I could, little dhampir." He seemed to be in a hurry, not like he'd come to have a relationship talk. "But this is just a drop-by visit to issue an invitation."
"Invitation?" I asked. My mind was still on Dimitri. Dimitri, Dimitri, Dimitri.
"An invitation to a party."
Chapter Nineteen
"ARE YOU CRAZY?" I ASKED.
He gave me the same wordless look he always did when I asked that question.
I sighed and tried again. "A party? That's pushing it, even for you. People just died! Guardians. Priscilla Voda." Not to mention, people had just come back from the dead. Probably best to leave that part out. "This isn't the time to get trashed and play beer pong."
I expected Adrian to say that it was always a good time for beer pong, but he remained serious. "Actually, it's because people died that there's going to be a party. It's not a kegger type. Maybe party's not even the right word. It's a..." He frowned, grasping at words. "A special event. An elite one."
"All royal parties are elite ones," I pointed out.
"Yeah, but not every royal is invited to this. It's the... well, elite of the elite."
That really wasn't helping. "Adrian--"
"No, listen." He made that familiar gesture of his that indicated frustration, running his hand through his hair. "It's not so much a party as a ceremony. An old, old tradition from... I don't know. Romania, I think. They call it the Death Watch. But it's a way to honor the dead, a secret that's been passed on through the oldest bloodlines."
Flashbacks of a destructive secret society at St. Vladimir's came back to me. "This isn't some Mana thing, is it?"
"No, I swear. Please, Rose. I'm not all that into it either, but my mom's making me go, and I'd really like it if you were there with me."
Elite and bloodline were warning words to me. "Will there be other dhampirs there?"
"No." He then added quickly, "But I made arrangements for some people you'll approve of to be there. It'll make it better for both of us."