"What... what's wrong? Did you change your mind?"
"We need protection first," I said. "Do you have any condoms?"
He processed this for a few seconds and then sighed. "Rose, only you would pick this instant to remember that."
That was a fair point. My timing kind of sucked. Still, it was better than remembering it afterward. In spite of my body's rampant desire--and it was still there, believe me--I suddenly had a startling, vivid image of Dimitri's sister Karolina. I'd met her in Siberia, and she'd had a baby that was about six months old. The baby was adorable, as babies often are, but by God, she had been so much work. Karolina had a waitressing job, and as soon as she was home from that, her attention went to the baby. When she was at work, Dimitri's mother took care of the baby. And the baby always needed something: food, changing, rescue from choking on a small object. His sister Sonya had been on the verge of having a baby too, and with the way I'd left things with his youngest sister, Viktoria, I wouldn't be surprised to find she was pregnant before long. Huge life changes made from small, careless actions.
So I was pretty confident I didn't want a baby in my life right now, not this young. With Dimitri, it hadn't been a concern, thanks to dhampir infertility. With Adrian? It was an issue, as was the fact that while disease was rare among both our races, I wasn't the first girl Adrian had been with. Or the second. Or the third...
"So do you have any?" I asked impatiently. Just because I was in responsible mode, it didn't mean I wanted sex any less.
"Yes," said Adrian, sitting up as well. "Back in my bedroom."
We stared at each other. His bedroom was far away, over in the Moroi section of Court.
He slid nearer, putting his arm around me and nibbling my earlobe. "The odds of anything bad happening are pretty low."
I closed my eyes and tipped my head back against him. He wrapped his hands around my h*ps and stroked my skin. "What are you, a doctor?" I asked.
He laughed softly, his mouth kissing the spot just behind my ear. "No. I'm just someone willing to take a risk. You can't tell me you don't want this."
I opened my eyes and pulled away so that I could look at him directly. He was right. I did want this. Very, very badly. And the part of me--which was pretty much all of me--that burned with lust was attempting to win me over. The odds probably were low, right? Weren't there people who tried forever to get pregnant and couldn't? My desire had an okay argument, so it was kind of a surprise when my logic won.
"I can't take the risk," I said.
Now Adrian studied me, and at last, he nodded. "Okay. Another time then. Tonight we'll be... responsible."
"That's all you're going to say?"
He frowned. "What else would I say? You said no."
"But you... you could have compelled me."
Now he was really astonished. "Do you want me to compel you?"
"No. Of course not. It just occurred to me that... well, that you could have."
Adrian cupped my face in his hands. "Rose, I cheat at cards and buy liquor for minors. But I would never, ever force you into something you don't want. Certainly not this--"
His words were cut off because I'd pressed myself against him and started kissing him again. Surprise must have kept him from doing anything right away, but soon, he pushed me away with what seemed like great reluctance.
"Little dhampir," he said dryly, "if you want to be responsible, this is not a good way to do it."
"We don't have to let this go. And we can be responsible."
"All of those stories are--"
He came screeching to a halt when I tossed my hair out of the way and offered my neck to him. I managed to turn slightly so that I could meet his eyes, but I said nothing. I didn't have to. The invitation was obvious.
"Rose..." he said uncertainly--though I could see the longing spring up in his face.
Drinking blood wasn't the same as sex, but it was a yearning all vampires had, and doing it while aroused--so I'd heard--was a mind-blowing experience. It was also taboo and hardly ever done, so people claimed. It was where the definition of blood whore had originated: dhampirs who gave their blood during sex. The idea of dhampirs yielding blood at all was considered disgraceful, but I'd done it before: with Lissa when she needed food and with Dimitri when he'd been Strigoi. And it had been glorious.
He tried again, his voice steadier this time. "Rose, do you know what you're asking?"
"Yes," I said firmly. I gently ran a finger along his lips and then slipped in to touch his fangs. I threw his own words back at him. "You can't tell me you don't want this."
He did want it. In a heartbeat, his mouth was at my neck and his fangs were piercing my skin. I cried out at the sudden pain, a sound that softened to a moan as the endorphins that came with every vampire bite flooded into me. An exquisite bliss consumed me. He pulled me hard against him as he drank, almost onto his lap, pressing my back against his chest. I was distantly aware of his hands all over me again, of his lips upon my throat. Mostly, all I knew was that I was drowning in pure, ecstatic sweetness. The perfect high.
When he pulled away, it was like losing part of myself. Like being incomplete. Confused, needing him back, I reached for him. He gently pushed my hand away, smiling as he licked his lips.
"Careful, little dhampir. I went longer than I should have. You could probably grow wings and fly off right now."
It actually didn't sound like a bad idea. In a few more moments, though, the intense, crazy part of the high faded, and I settled back to myself. I still felt wonderful and dizzy; the endorphins had fed my body's desire. My reasoning slowly came back to me, allowing (kind of) coherent thought to penetrate that happy haze. When Adrian was convinced I was sober enough, he relaxed and lay down on the bed. I joined him a moment later, curling up against his side. He seemed as content as I was.
"That," he mused, "was the best not-sex ever."
My only response was a sleepy smile. It was late, and the more I crashed down from the endorphin rush, the drowsier I felt. Some tiny part of me said that even though I'd wanted this and cared about Adrian, the whole act had been wrong. I hadn't done it for the right reasons, instead letting myself get carried away by my own grief and confusion.
The rest of me decided that wasn't true, and the nagging voice soon faded into exhaustion. I fell asleep against Adrian, getting the best night of sleep I'd had in a long time.
I wasn't entirely surprised that I was able to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and even blow-dry my hair without Adrian waking up. My friends and I had spent many a morning trying to drag him out of bed in the past. Hungover or sober, he was a heavy sleeper.