I shrugged again. "Cardinale and Damian talked to me about that, and I haven't slept with him since then. If they want to try monogamy, more power to them."
"Why doesn't it bother you? Why aren't you jealous?"
"I don't know," I said, and that was the truth. I was so far outside the relationship parameters that I'd been taught to expect growing up that I just didn't worry about it. "It works for us, Asher."
"It doesn't work for me."
Jean-Claude moved into the room, not stepping between us, but drawing our attention to him. "I love you, Asher. Anita loves you. Mephistopheles loves you. Nathaniel loves you. Narcissus loves you."
Asher made a harsh sound low in his throat.
"Yes, you do not love Narcissus in turn; the leader of our local werehyenas would love you as obsessively as you seem to desire, but you do not want him, not like that."
"Narcissus loves the attention he gets from me, Jean-Claude."
"Of that, I have no doubt, but he cannot love you enough, I cannot love you enough, Mephistopheles cannot love you enough, Anita cannot love you enough, Nathaniel cannot love you enough. It is never enough for you, Asher. In the end, the fact that you do not love yourself defeats us all."
"Very philosophical," Asher said, and made sure the words were sneering.
"I have found a city in need of a master where werehyenas are the major animal group. I think you need to visit the city and see if it is a good match," Jean-Claude said.
Asher stood there, staring at him. "What does that mean, Jean-Claude?
"I thought I was very clear."
"Are you banishing me from St. Louis?"
"No, I am telling you to go and see if a new city will suit you and your powers better than here."
"You would cast me out because I hit the boy?"
"I let you bleed the woman I love, my human servant. It should have been my fist, not Sin's, that tore you away from Anita." He never called me by my real name unless he was furious. I was just glad he wasn't that angry with me.
Asher looked at him as if he didn't believe him. "I have hurt her worse than that when I top her and Nathaniel in the bedroom."
"That is with her permission; this was not."
"What if I do not like the new city?"
"Then call us; if we are done being angry with you, perhaps I will allow you to come back home."
"You mean to exile me?"
"I mean to send you away so you can think on what it is you value. Your jealousy always ruins your happiness in the end, Asher. I had forgotten that about you." He shook his head. "No, I had made myself forget it, but you have reminded me that this part of you, this terrible insecurity, destroyed almost every love you ever had."
"Tell me truly, Jean-Claude, were you and Julianna planning to leave me before she died?"
"I swear to you now, as I have a hundred times, no. We spoke of your jealousy, and your demands on us both, but we loved you. She loved you."
"She loved you more," Asher said.
"And there it is: your weakness."
"What weakness? That I want someone to love me more than they love you, just this once?"
"Belle Morte did not love me more, Asher."
"Liar."
"Pack for your trip."
"How long will I be gone?" Asher asked. His voice was angry, but there was something else underneath the anger; I think it was fear.
"At least a month."
"Don't send me away," Asher said.
Jean-Claude motioned at Sin, who was making small noises as he came to with Nathaniel still kneeling by him. Nicky was checking Ares's pulse, as if he thought for a moment he'd hit him too hard.
"Everyone is alive, but it is no thanks to you, Asher. You are my temoin, my second-in-command, and yet you have done this. It is beyond childish, beyond careless; it is spiteful. The kind of spite that got us run out of town after town centuries ago, because you grew jealous of the very men and women you sent Julianna and me to woo. You wanted to part them from their money, or their blood, but you didn't want us to enjoy our work too much."
"I wooed my share," Asher said.
"You did, but no matter how many men or women you seduced, you always worried more about the ones who were your beaus, your girlfriends or boyfriends."
"Jean-Claude..." Asher said, reaching out to the other man.
"Go, pack, and tomorrow night you will leave for your tour of the other city."
"Please..."
"Did you think I would take this behavior from you forever!" Jean-Claude yelled it at him. "Did you think that I would do nothing to stop you from hurting us?"
Asher let his hand drop slowly back to his side. "Who will run the Circus for you? Who will be your ringmaster?"
"I will be the ringmaster while you are gone."
"Who will run Guilty Pleasures for you? Who will take your place on stage there?"
"Jason is my assistant manager, he runs the club well."
"He is not you onstage."
"Non, but he is very good at being himself onstage, and that will be good enough."
"You will lose business at Guilty Pleasures if you are not onstage," Asher said.
"Perhaps," Jean-Claude said.
"No," I said, and got to my feet. Claudia had her hand out, but I glared at her until she stepped back.
"No, what, ma petite?"
"Nathaniel and Nikki will go onstage this week." Nikki was my stage name that Nathaniel had come up with for me, before our Nicky came to us. The few times that Nathaniel and Jean-Claude had persuaded me to go onstage, well, let's just say the club wouldn't lose money. I had inherited Jean-Claude's ardeur, and with Nathaniel's help we could use it to make the audience participation into something that left the Guilty Pleasures website inundated with messages asking for Nikki to make a return performance.
"You hate being onstage at the club," Asher said.
I shrugged. "I don't hate it, I just don't like it, but to give us all a cooling-off period, I'll do it."
"Implying that I do not do my duty for master and country, but you do?"
"I'm not implying anything; I'm stating that you are beautiful and amazing, and a big f**king baby." I wiped fresh blood on the back of my hand.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," he said.
"You've said that before. If you really meant it, Asher, you wouldn't have to keep saying it."
Nicky said, "And I gotta say, you've hurt Anita badly enough that no one will get o**l s*x from her until she heals. She's not just yours. You can't damage her so that it interferes with the rest of us ha**ng s*x with her, and just expect that to be okay."
"You are just a guard, muscle, and Anita's Bride. I do not have to take chastisement from you."
"But you do from me," Jean-Claude said. "Nicky is right. You have spoiled fun for all of her lovers, and it is not your place to do so. I am her master."
"You aren't Anita's master; that implies control, and you have none over her."
"I do not need to own her to love her, Asher. You always treated lovers like a pet to be spoiled, abused, but above all - owned."
"Why is it wrong to want to be certain of love?" Asher asked.
"I am certain that Anita loves me, as she is certain that I love her."
"But she loves Nathaniel more, and Micah, and the boy adores her."
"I love Anita," Nicky said.
"But she doesn't love you," Asher said, and he spat it at Nicky. He meant it to hurt.
"I can feel Anita's emotions most of the time," Nicky said, "I know what she feels for me. I'm secure in my place in her life. How about you?"
Asher took a step toward Nicky where he stood over Ares's still-unconscious body.
"Asher, you will need the hours until dawn to pack," Jean-Claude said. "Go, and make use of your time."
Asher looked from Jean-Claude to me, and then finally back to Nathaniel, who was helping Sin sit up. "I am sorry."
Nathaniel said, "Jean-Claude is right. It doesn't matter how much the rest of us love you; if you hate yourself, the self-loathing destroys everything."
"Nathaniel..."
"Sin is my brother, Asher. I won't lose him because you don't feel loved enough."
"I didn't hit him that hard."