I looked at him, trying to read his face. I should have known better. "If you want to see him, see him, but I'm still too pissed."
He gave a slight uptilt of lips that was almost a smile, but seemed sadder than a smile should be. The almost-smile was enough. I shook his hand gently. "Go to him. It's okay. I'll clean up and wait for you in the bed."
"I am sorry I won't be able to join you in the tub."
"It's depressing to use the bathtub without company. I'll hit the showers and do a quick cleanup."
God cleared his throat. We looked at him. "Sorry, but handling Asher may take Jean-Claude a while. Just saying, in case that would make a difference to what Anita does."
I looked at the big man. He looked uncomfortable. "What aren't you telling us, Godofredo?" I asked.
He looked at his feet, obviously unhappy. He mumbled something.
"What?" I asked.
He looked up frowning. "I'm pretty sure that Asher wants more than just a talk with Jean-Claude. He seems to feel that once he's exiled you may not allow him back and he wants a good-bye..." He spread his big hands out, gave a sort of shrug.
I frowned back at him, not exactly sure I understood, but thinking I might have a clue. I hoped I was wrong.
Jean-Claude raised my hand up and laid a kiss on the back of it. "I am sorry, ma petite, I may be gone some time."
I looked up at him. "Asher wants good-bye sex, doesn't he?"
"I believe so."
I looked at him harder. "He hurt Sin and me tonight. I know you're angry with him."
"I am, but if it is to be the last time I would not pass it up."
"Last time? He's only going to be gone a month, right?"
"Perhaps longer; the city is needing a new master vampire and has petitioned me to recommend one."
"You mean Asher might not be coming back?"
"Perhaps it is time he had his own territory."
"Maybe, but..." I thought about never making love to Asher again, never seeing him top Nathaniel, or having him top me, or bottom to Richard, or be in the bed with Jean-Claude and me, or... Just no more Asher. It made me sad to think about it, but... "If it was the last night ever, I'll regret not being there, but I'm still too mad." Then I realized, "Besides, he didn't ask for me, did he?"
Godofredo shook his head.
"I would say this good-bye, in case it truly is good-bye, but I will give you the choice, ma petite."
"Go," I said, "say good-bye. You've loved him longer than the rest of us have been alive."
"You will need to feed the ardeur, to heal yourself," he said.
I fought not to look behind me for Nicky, as I said, "I'll manage."
Claudia said, "If you're thinking about feeding on Nicky, then I need another guard to partner me."
"You want a red shirt, or another black?" God asked. Nicky was wearing a red shirt, Claudia a black; Nicky was willing to feed the ardeur, and Claudia wasn't. Red meant food; black meant they were just bodyguards. Though Nicky would feed the ardeur for me, but not for Jean-Claude, and he preferred not to donate blood to anyone, though if I told him to do it he'd do it, because he had no choice. I tried very hard not to make Nicky do things he didn't want to do.
"Any time we guard, Anita, we're supposed to be mixed, in case of emergencies," Claudia said.
"I think Domino and Ethan are the only ones on the clock right now?" Domino, like Nicky, preferred to just be my food, but Ethan was more flexible and would let some of the vampires feed on him.
"Either," she said.
"I'll send one of them your way." He looked at me. "Where do I tell them to meet Claudia?"
"Showers," I said.
"The room you share with Micah, Nathaniel, and Sin, or the group showers?"
It startled me that God listed Sin like that. He didn't always sleep with us. He had his own room at the house, and here, too, but he didn't use it much. Was that what Asher had meant? It wasn't always about sex, sometimes it was just the big warm kitty piles, but if God had noticed then everyone had. God wasn't the most observant of the guards when it came to personal stuff.
I thought about what God had asked, and said, "Micah might actually be asleep, so I guess the main showers."
"That's where I'll send the backup then," he said. He looked at Jean-Claude. "Are you ready, sir?"
"Yes," Jean-Claude said, and he gave me a quick kiss, and followed God's longer stride down the hallway. He never looked back, as he went to give Asher his good-bye. I watched him walk away in all that black leather, his long curls almost lost against it.
Nicky moved up beside me, his hand finding mine. We stood there holding hands and he asked, "Am I joining you in the shower, or you want me to wait outside and we find a bed?"
"Jean-Claude won't be using his bed tonight," I said.
"That's true, and he's okay with Micah, Nathaniel, Asher, even Sin, using the bed with you, without him, but I'm not on his favorites list."
I looked at him. "You don't feed him, the others do."
He gave that half-shrug around all the muscle. "And Jean-Claude doesn't like any of the men who won't at least donate blood to him sharing his bed with you when he's not there."
I honestly hadn't noticed, but now that Nicky said it, I realized he was absolutely right. "Then I guess you join me in the showers; that way we don't have to worry about messing up anyone's sheets."
Nicky grinned. "Shower works for me."
I grinned back. "Me, too."
Chapter Thirty-Two
CLAUDIA WAITED OUTSIDE against the hallway wall, keeping an eye on both the entrance and exit. The original design for the group showers had been to have only one way in and out, but I'd vetoed that. Yes, it was two entrances that had to be watched, but one way in and out meant trapped. Jean-Claude had pointed out that if anyone got far enough past our defenses to attack the showers, then a second way out of them probably wouldn't help. He had a point, but so did I, and the bodyguards voted with me. Paranoia was our friend.
There was a locker area complete with restrooms for both the men and the women. We actually had enough women living down here that it wasn't as silly as when we'd first had it put in. It was nice not to be the only girl. When we were in the locker area Nicky reminded me of another reason it was nice to be a girl. He took me in his arms, and kissed me.
The kiss was soft, and then he pulled back, and looked at my face with that one blue eye and the fall of his hair over the other side of his face. "Did that hurt?"
"No," I said.
He grinned, a fierce baring of teeth, and kissed me again. This time it wasn't soft. He pushed his mouth hard against mine, and it did hurt.
I drew back. "That hurt."
"I want to taste the blood in your mouth, before the sex helps heal you."
"You aren't a sadist. You don't enjoy causing pain."
"No, but I'm a lycanthrope. I enjoy the taste of blood and meat, and right now your mouth will taste like both."
"Some shapeshifters would lose control doing something like that." I studied his face, searching for a clue as to what it meant to him. Was this a bit of kink that he'd always enjoyed, but it had just never come up before, or was it a test of how much I trusted him?
He was my Bride, so he could feel what I was feeling, but Brides were different from any other metaphysical tie that I had. I couldn't feel his emotions; it was all about his feeling mine, and catering to me. It meant he was, in some ways, a mystery to me.
I realized I was a little spoiled that I could just peek, or share emotions with almost everyone else. I used to hate the intrusive psychic connection; now I counted on it.
"Don't you trust me?" he asked.
Ah, the trust tests. "You're my Bride; I thought you couldn't cause me pain, that it bothered you to do that."
"You like a little pain mixed with your sex. I think it'll translate to pleasure for you, and I know I'll enjoy the blood, meat, and sex."
I nodded. "Yeah, the whole prey-predator-chase thing gets confused with sex for most shapeshifters."
Nicky grinned. "If we weren't kinky before the change, we are after."
I smiled. "Can't argue that."
"Can I kiss you the way I want?"
"Let's take the weapons off first," I said.
"Why?" he asked.