She stared over her shoulder. "I am the daughter of a god, Manuel. A deity. That glow you call forth from me? It is her very essence as an entity. That is what she is. As for my father? He was nothing but a sadistic bastard who imparted unto me the urge to kill - that was his 'gift.' And do you want to know what I did with it? Do you?" She was aware that her voice was rising but was singularly disinclined to quiet herself. "I killed him, Manuel. And for that crime against mine bloodline, for that offense against the standards of behavior for females, I was imprisoned and held for centuries. So you are too right. Go - and do it now. It is for the best. But do not think that I fit in here any better than you do."
With another curse, she pushed past him and strode out into the corridor, figuring Manuel would find himself freed very shortly -
"It was your brother. Wasn't it."
The calm, low words echoed down the barren hallway, stopping not just her feet, but her heart.
"I saw the condition he's in," Manuel said in a deep voice. "Any chance your father did that to the guy?"
Payne slowly turned back around. Standing in the middle of the corridor, her healer was showing neither shock nor horror, just an intelligence she was coming to expect from him.
"Why would you think that," she said in a dead tone.
"When I operated on him, I saw the scars, and it's pretty clear someone tried to castrate him. Extrapolating? From my limited interaction with him, I'd say he's way too touchy and aggressive for anyone to get the better of him. So it was either a gang of people or somebody who got him when he was really, profoundly vulnerable. I'm thinking the latter is more likely because ... well, let's just say I'd be surprised if abusive parents didn't happen for your kind, too."
Payne swallowed hard, and it was a long, long while before she could find her voice. "Our father ... had him held down. A blacksmith was ordered to tattoo him ... and then get a pair of pliers."
Manuel squeezed his eyes shut briefly. "I'm sorry. I'm really ... damned sorry."
"Our father was chosen as a sire for his aggression and ruthlessness, and my brother was given over to him when he was very young - whereas I stayed up at the Sanctuary with our mahmen. With naught to pass my time, I watched what transpired down here on Earth in the seeing bowls and ... over the course of years in the war camp, my brother was abused. I brought this to my mother time and time again, but she insisted upon adhering to the deal she had made with the Bloodletter." She curled her hands into tight fists. "That male, that forsaken, sadistic male ... he was not capable of siring sons, but she guaranteed him one so he would agree to mate with her. Three years after we were born, she relinquished Vishous unto our father's cruelty whilst she did her best to force me into a mold I would ne'er fit into. And then that last episode where Vishous was ..." Tears speared into her eyes. "No more - not any longer could I do nothing. I came down here and ... and I hunted the Bloodletter down. I held him to the ground whilst I burned him into ash. And I do not regret it."
"Who put you in jail?"
"My mother. But the imprisonment was only partially because he was dead. Sometimes I believe it was more her colossal disappointment in me." She wiped her face quickly and rubbed the wetness away. "But enough of this. Enough of ... all of it. Go now ... I shall speak to the king and send you off. Good-bye, Manuel."
Rather than waiting for him to respond, she headed off once more -
"Yes, I want you."
Payne stopped, and then looked over her shoulder again. After a moment, she said, "You are a fine healer and you have done your job, as you so aptly pointed out. We have no further cause to speak."
When she resumed walking, his footsteps approached fast and he caught her, wheeling her around. "If I didn't keep my pants on, I couldn't have kept myself out of you."
"Really."
"Give me your hand."
Without looking, she held one unto him. "Why ever for - "
He moved fast, putting her palm between his legs, and pressing her into the hot, hard length at his hips. "You're right." He moved against her, his pelvis undulating, the arousal pushing against her palm as he started to breathe deeply. "Even as I tried to tell myself otherwise, I knew that if I got naked, you were going to stay a virgin only long enough for me to get you on your back. Not romantic, but really, totally f**king true."
As her lips parted, his eyes dropped to her mouth and he growled, "You can feel the truth, can't you. It's in your goddamn hand."
"Do you not care about what I did ..."
"You mean with your father?" He stopped the rubbing and frowned. "No. To be clear, I'm a lex talionis kind of guy. Your brother could easily have died from those wounds - I don't care how fast you people heal. But more to the point, I'm willing to bet that father/son bonding moment f**ked his head up for the rest of his life - so yeah, I don't have a problem with what you did."
Retaliatory justice, she thought as his words sank in.
Tightening her hold on him, she resumed what he had stopped, tracing up and down his sex, stroking. "I am glad you feel this way."
And wasn't that true on a lot of levels: His erection was delicious, so hard and blunt at the tip. She wanted to explore him as he had her ... with her fingers ... her mouth ... her tongue....
Manuel's eyes briefly rolled back into his head as he gritted his teeth. "But ... your brother's still right."
"Is he ..." She leaned in and licked at his lips. "Are you sure?"
When she drew back, there was a sizzling moment as their eyes met ... and then, with a growl, he spun her around and pushed her into the wall.
"Be careful," he growled.
"Why." She dipped her lips to his neck and slowly, inexorably dragged one fang up over his jugular.
"Oh ... f**k ..." With a desperate curse, he locked his hand on hers, holding her palm in place at his hips, obviously trying to refocus. "Listen to me. As good as this is between us ..." He swallowed hard. "As good ... Shit, look, your brother knows what's doing - I can't take care of you properly and - "
"I can take care of myself." She pressed her mouth to his, and she knew she had him when his pelvis began to push forward and ease back again: He may have halted her hand, but his body was more than making up the slack on the friction front.
"Fucking hell," he groaned, "do you want me to come right here?"
"Yes, I do. I want to know what it is like."
More kissing. And even though he was the one gripping her and pinning her against the wall, she was the aggressor.
Manuel pulled back, but only, it seemed, upon a great struggle within himself. After taking a number of deep breaths, he said, "You asked me whether I would stay if I could? In a heartbeat. You are beautiful and sexy and I don't know what the hell your mother or anyone else is doing comparing you to anything or anybody. Nothing comes close to you ... on any level."
As he spoke, he was lethally serious and abidingly sincere ... and the acceptance he offered was as generous as it was unique: She had never gotten it from anyone. Even her own brother wanted to deny her her choice of mate.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"It's not a compliment. That's just the way it is." Manuel kissed her mouth softly, and lingered with the contact. "But the Goateed Hater is still right, Payne."
"Goateed ... Hater?"
"Sorry. Little nickname I dreamed up for your twin." He shrugged. "But even still, I really think he does have your best interests at heart, and you do need someone other than me long-term - whether I can stay here or not is just part of the problem."
"Not in my eyes."
"Then you need to see more clearly. I'm going to be dead in another four decades. If I'm lucky. Do you really want to watch me age? Die?"
She had to close her eyes and turn her head away at the thought of him passing away. "Fates ... no."
In the quiet that followed, the energy between them changed, shifting from everything sexual ... to a different kind of yearning. And as if he felt as she did, he tucked her in against his body, holding her tightly within his strong arms.
"If there's one thing that I've learned as a doctor," he said, "it's that biology prevails. You and I can do all the deciding we want, but the biological differences are nothing that we can change. My life expectancy is a fraction of yours - at most, we'd get a ten-year window before I'm in Cialis land."