“I need to talk to you.”
Shade took a moment to look Adam over more carefully. He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on the day before, and he looked as if he’d slept in them. Or as if he hadn’t slept at all.
“You look like shit,” Shade said. He stepped aside and allowed Adam to enter the house.
“Yeah, that sometimes happens when you’re up all night.”
“Let me guess: you drove back to Dallas to hook up with your counselor again.”
“Actually I was in the emergency room, but that’s not why I’m here.” Adam’s gaze moved to a point behind Shade, and his eyes widened. “Amanda?”
“Hey, Adam,” she said. “Did I overhear that you were in the ER? What happened? Are you hurt?”
“No, my dad’s in the hospital.”
“Oh,” Amanda said. “Is he okay?”
“Sort of.”
“Shit, man. Why didn’t you call last night? Do you need a few days off?” Shade asked.
“No, that’s not why I’m here. They assure me he’ll be fine. I came over here to talk to you. We need to clear the air, Shade. I can’t take this anger between us anymore.”
“Clear the air?”
“I need to know what you think I did that was so wrong.”
Shade’s spine straightened. He had no idea why Adam would choose now of all times to pick a fight. “What I think you did wrong?”
Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Apparently, you think I’ve done something truly horrible, but I don’t even know what it is. So you can tell me and we can hash this out here. Or, if you’d rather, we can keep pissing each other off for reasons I don’t understand.”
Shade was flabbergasted. All this time he’d thought Adam was an inconsiderate prick, selfish and callous about stealing one of the most significant events of Shade’s life from him, and now Adam was saying he didn’t know why Shade had been infuriated with him for years?
“You really don’t know what you did?”
“I’m pretty sure it has something to do with my drug abuse. I was wasted all the time when it all went down, but no, I don’t remember.”
“You don’t remember me shoving my finger down your throat in Nashville so you’d purge whatever cocktail of pills you’d ingested that night?”
Adam gave a barely perceptible shake of his head.
“You don’t remember throwing up all over me and me dragging you out of the tour bus because the EMTs couldn’t fit the gurney up through the door?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You don’t remember calling me a meddling ass**le and telling me to mind my own business and that you could get high if you wanted to?”
Adam smirked. “I do remember that.”
Shade scowled at him. “You don’t remember dying in the ambulance? You don’t remember them defibrillating you back to life?”
Adam’s jaw dropped. His breath caught. He went white.
“I died?”
“Yes, Adam, you f**king died and while I was watching your own selfish stupidity kill you, my baby was taking her first breath in another hospital. I missed Julie’s birth because you were so insistent on destroying yourself.”
Adam ran a shaking hand through his thick black hair. “Shade, I don’t remember much of anything from those days. I was in a bad place then.”
“Now is different?”
Adam’s hands clenched into fists. “Yes, now is totally different! I’m not doing drugs anymore. You’re too busy to notice. Or care.”
Shade closed his eyes and shook his head. He wished he was too busy to care. He was just so tired of this. So tired of Adam’s denial. His lies. “You’re still doing drugs, Adam. I caught you smoking pot two nights ago. So soon you forget.”
Adam rubbed his haggard face with both hands and then crossed his arms over his chest. “It was just a little. And it was only pot. I mean…” He scowled, obviously still in denial. “You smoke it.”
“I haven’t smoked pot in years, Adam. Not since Julie was born. I grew up while you were stoned out of your mind. You just didn’t notice.”
Adam released a heavy sigh. “I’m not going to do drugs anymore, Shade.”
Shade lifted an eyebrow at him.
Adam stood there with his hands clenching and unclenching. His entire body was tense. Shade had seen this behavior before. Adam got this way right before he started swinging his fists. Shade waited for him to snap. He’d knock him on his ass if he had to. Wouldn’t be the first time. Adam’s intense, gray-eyed gaze bored into Shade’s, but instead of lashing out at him, he said, “Fuck, Shade. Why can’t you give me a second chance?”
Adam was still blaming his difficulties on everyone but himself. Was the guy incapable of seeing reality?
“A second chance?” Shade yelled, unable to keep his temper in check any longer. “I’ve already given you a second chance, Adam. And a third chance. And a hundredth chance.” Shade shoved him in the shoulder, forcing Adam to take a step back. “Just how many f**king chances do you think you deserve?”
Adam’s features hardened. “You don’t believe I’ve changed. You don’t believe I’m taking control of my life. The only one who sees the real me is Madison.”
Shade released a derisive snort. “Your counselor? The one you’re screwing?” Shade shook his head at him. “She’s going to see what she wants to see. She’s become your biggest enabler. There are some women you should never f**k.”
Adam tilted his head toward the doorway that Amanda had graced only moments before. “Such as your ex-wife’s sister?”
Touché. “Fuck off, Adam. You don’t know anything about my life.”
“And you don’t know anything about mine.”
Shade narrowed his eyes. He really wished he could give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but he could only try to put a broken train back on its track so many times before he had to believe the engine’s only course was derailment. And as much as Adam liked to think his life was proceeding smoothly now, Shade could see disaster coming from a mile away. He wasn’t going to be the one who tried to save Adam anymore. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. It didn’t fit anymore.
“Why is your dad in the hospital?” Shade really didn’t need to ask. He knew the answer.