She shrugged. “I haven’t met any of those men,” she answered glumly, knowing that it could possibly be her standoffishness that kept men away. She didn’t want to go through the heartache she’d suffered in the past again. Right now, she was safe, and she liked it that way.
“Yes, you have met one,” Micah answered, jamming a finger into his chest. “Me. I want you.”
Micah was an exception. Tessa knew he wanted her, but she didn’t understand why. “You make me feel things I’ve never felt,” she confessed.
Micah could make her body burn with just a glance, like the dangerous look that he was wearing now.
Tessa let him lift her from the wall of the rink, breaking eye contact with him as he lowered her slowly to the ice. He held her hand as she stepped out of the rink and sat down on a bench to remove her skates.
Maybe he was uncomfortable with her confession, but they’d been in the process of becoming friends for the last few days. While she wasn’t always as forthcoming as she’d just been because of her past, she didn’t lie to friends, either. While it was obvious that Micah was lusting after her, she felt more than just lust.
When they were both ready to leave, Micah reached for her hand, but hesitated before leading her to the door.
“Why is it that you haven’t tried cochlear implants? Are you not a candidate?”
Tessa stiffened, pulling her hand from his. “I am. And I tried. It didn’t work.” He was broaching the last subject she wanted to discuss right now.
“Why?”
She sighed, knowing she wasn’t getting away with a partial explanation. “I was thrilled when I had the surgery for the first one and I started to hear again. The voices were kind of robotic and nothing like I remembered, but I got used to it, and the sounds started to sound more normal after a while.” She paused, remembering the pain of losing her hearing all over again. “Then I got an infection, and the device started to fail. They had to remove the implant, and I was deaf again before I even had the chance to have the second one done.”
Maybe it was better that she’d never had the full experience of hearing again. Maybe it had made the loss easier. But she couldn’t help but remember the crushing disappointment of the implant not working. She couldn’t imagine anything being much worse.
“Can’t you try it again?”
Tessa moved toward the door with Micah right on her tail. “I could, but the risk of infection is still there, and it’s expensive. We need the restaurant more than we need me to hear right now.”
“Insurance—”
“Doesn’t cover everything,” she interrupted as she turned and saw the word on his lips. “The implants are outrageous, around a hundred thousand dollars for both sides. Liam and I don’t have the kind of money to try again. We’d just be throwing money away if it doesn’t work. I want the restaurant restored before I even think about doing the surgery. It’s how we make our living. It’s our parents’ legacy. We can’t let it go any longer.”
“But if it could give you back your hearing, isn’t it worth taking a risk someday?”
“No!” Tessa turned her back on him and pushed her way through the door, leaving Micah behind to lock up the skating rink.
CHAPTER 5
Later that evening, Tessa lay in bed and tried to read, but she was restless. She’d been a real bitch to Micah. After all, he’d just been trying to help. Tessa knew that, but the ache of disappointment over the failure of her attempted implant still haunted her. Insurance did cover a lot, but she knew Liam had shelled out money they didn’t have to help her hear again. She’d gotten some offers for endorsements along with her gold medal, but Richard had discouraged her from anything that took away from her skating. He’d said there would be time enough for her to make money later, but that time hadn’t ever come. She’d lost the opportunities in order to be Richard’s personal star. She regretted so many things she’d done, how she’d handled her post-Olympic years. All of that time, all of those offers wasted on a man who hadn’t been worth it.
I was so young and so ignorant.
She sighed as she thought about her failed cochlear implant. She’d had her hearing again, even if things did sound different with the device placement. Her hope had been to get the other ear done and have her life fully restored.
That had never happened.
Instead, she’d been submerged in a soundless world, the same place she’d been living before the implant. Sometimes she was convinced that it was better to never have that experience again, to be satisfied that she was safe and content rather than experience that kind of devastation. She’d plummeted into a depression that had nearly swallowed her whole after the failed implant. It had been the final knockout punch after her parents had died, and it was a place she never wanted to visit again.
Granted, she would probably handle the situation better now. A lot of her heartache was resolved, but there was still a wariness that she couldn’t shake, a desire to protect herself from falling down so far she couldn’t get up.
Tessa shuddered and tossed her book on the bedside table. Shifting the covers aside, she got up, knowing she wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon.
She was already taking a chance by even attempting to perform again. There was every possibility she could fall on her ass and make a fool of herself, but that risk had always been there, even when she’d had her hearing. Tessa knew she could handle that pressure. It was familiar.
The unknown was much scarier.