“I can’t believe you mean that,” she whispered hoarsely.
He looked at her, forcing a light contempt into his tone. “Just give it up, will you? Desperation is very unattractive in a woman.”
He watched tears fall heavily from her cheeks, and turned away before the despair in her eyes sliced any deeper into his heart.
The raw hum of silence between his shoulder blades urged him to provoke her into a response. Perversely, he wanted Kizzy to fight him, to hurt him back, to hate him with everything in her soul. Not stand silently by while he destroyed what they had built together.
“I will provide financially for the baby, of course, and in return expect full access and rights. And don’t think for one moment that you can run off with my child—I have contacts all over the world.” He waited for a shrill, ferocious outburst but it never came and now he just wished for darkness and oblivion, a place where he could hide from the terrible things he was saying and didn’t mean.
Andreas waited for a response, his blood pulsing nauseously around his body as he felt the weight of what he had just done collapse like a tower of blocks onto his shoulders. She would speak soon, she had to.
The heavy wooden door at his back clicked softly shut and he knew that she had gone.
Chapter Fourteen
“Right.” Nurse Walczak folded her equipment back into her bag and smiled gently. “Everything’s fine, but I do recommend you make an appointment for your first scan in a few weeks.”
“Scan?” Kizzy was feeling shell-shocked at the speed everything was happening. “Oh that, yes. I will.”
“It’s perfectly routine, nothing to worry about, and a wonderful opportunity to see baby for the first time.” She patted her lightly on the hand and smiled. “Perhaps you’d like to take a friend along with you? Or I can arrange to be present if you prefer?”
Kizzy shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”
“Well, if you change your mind, you’ve got my cell number.” The midwife slid a bundle of forms across the table. “You also need to fill these in before your next appointment—nothing complicated, take your time.”
Nothing complicated…
Kizzy had told the midwife that her baby’s father wasn’t around anymore, as she knew she would need all the support she could get as a single mother. But Nurse Walczak was her sole confidant. Kizzy hadn’t gone into detail about Andreas and hadn’t been pressed, but it had been a small step in her new isolated world.
She still had time, she thought erratically. It would run out, but at this stage she still had time. She flicked through the forms. Basic details, like home address, next of kin…
What would she put there?
Birth plan. Who did she want to be there when her baby was born? Any genetic history?
Kizzy closed her eyes.
She had no one. There was no one! She really was completely alone apart from her new neighbors and coworkers.
Kizzy suddenly wanted her mother.
And she wanted Andreas more than she wanted to continue breathing.
But she couldn’t have either, so she swallowed down her misery and got to work.
“Water—need to fetch more water.”
She would have a wash, do the dishes, and scrub the place to within an inch of its life—that would occupy her this Friday afternoon, now that work had finished for the day. It was just as well there was no Internet connection, or she’d be tempted to e-mail her friends back in the UK. But that wouldn’t be fair. She’d made her bed and she would be fine in it.
However, she was starting to worry about bringing a newborn back to this place eventually. This must have been what it was like for her mother, she thought. A baby, no fixed home, and no visible support network. History repeating itself…but she’d make it better this time. She’d do all she possibly could for their baby, a child who would be unquestionably beautiful. With Andreas’s looks and brains and her unconditional love and devotion it would be perfect—a little demigod even.
And a strict march to the communal tap in the midday sun would be the beginning of her new resolve not to feel sorry for herself in the slightest.
…
Andreas had let her walk out of his life with a modicum of dignity, Kizzy reflected as she filled a large water container from the tap. She still suffered a sickening sense of awfulness that the love she had been nurturing so silently was not reciprocated. His intimate revelations in the tower had been distressing to hear, and she had longed to reach out and comfort him. Yet at the same time she had also recognized that this was his only way of letting her in. Making her a part of his damaged life.
She had believed she could help him mend, and that if they had worked at their marriage she could have loved him from a safe distance. She had hoped that maybe his feelings for her would grow into something stronger, maybe even love one day.
But even that hope had been forlorn.
Her stomach turned over at the memory of how horrified she had been at his declaration of the way things were now going to be. Spoken to the sea and sky, not even directly to her—her very presence had become repulsive to him, it seemed. She had also realized with growing terror that she had no cards to play in this nasty new game.
If only she had just said yes when he’d insisted on marriage, seized the proposal with both hands. Then it almost seemed as if her worst fears were coming to life and sneaking up on her in physical form, as a shadow fell over the white plastic canister.
Just a cloud, surely?
She needed to get more sleep when the morning sickness eased, she decided—it rarely rained out here. Now her mind was playing tricks on her.
“What are you doing here, Kizzy?”
Andreas?
She did not turn around. She had recognized his voice immediately, but could hardly believe it was him. Her body rigid with tension, she had to force herself to reply.
“I’m living here until the school kitchen is finished, just like everybody else.”
“But I terminated your position,” he replied flatly. “For the baby’s safety.”
“And I ignored that piece of paper when it reached me here.” She roughly screwed on the water bottle lid. “No one else seems bothered.”
“You haven’t even looked at the villa I arranged for you.”
“No.” She heard the gravel underfoot crunch as he took a step closer.
“Not good enough for you?” Was that a sneer in his voice? “It’s usually rented out to millionaires, oligarchs—”