Her breath deserted her as she turned fully toward him.
Looking as if he was dragging shrapnel from his own flesh, he rasped, “You don’t have to marry me...or even say you would. You can leave right now, and there’d be no war.”
Seven
Mohab met his own eyes in the steamed-up mirror and reached a conclusion. He was insane.
He’d gotten Jala to agree to a fake engagement, then progressed to alleviate her every doubt about the sincerity of his desire. Her surrender to his lovemaking, her mind-blowing response, had admitted her equal need. Her capitulation had only been a matter of time. If he’d just kept his mouth shut, he might have had her in his bed again by now.
But he hadn’t kept his mouth shut.
Mizar and Sette rubbed against his legs, distracting him from wanting to bash himself over the head.
Sighing, he picked them up and headed out of the bathroom with Nihal and Rigel weaving between his legs. Even they couldn’t make him feel better now. They actually made him feel worse. All they did was remind him of his pleasure at Jala’s delight in them, of how it had felt to share them with her.
Topping up their treats in the kitchenette, he told them he needed to be alone. As usual, they understood him and gave him space, not following him to the wing’s reception chamber.
He stood in the middle of the magnificent space Kamal had bestowed on him and could still barely believe he was actually here. An Aal Ghaanem treated as an honored guest in the Aal Masood stronghold. A week ago, that would have been the material of a ridiculous joke. But Kamal had been given a second chance with his queen and was making a real effort to pay it forward.
And what had he done with all of Kamal’s support and all the ground he’d managed to gain with Jala? He’d voluntarily blown it all to hell.
He could still see Jala standing across from him, her face a frozen mask after he’d divulged that last bit of truth. Then she’d said one word.
“Explain.”
He had. He’d told her everything, hadn’t left out one single detail this time. After he’d finished, she’d just turned and walked out of his quarters.
That had been three days ago. She’d left the palace that same night. He’d thought she’d head straight to the airport and fly out of Judar, never to return. But her security detail had called to report that she’d checked into a hotel on the other side of Durgham. Moving all the way across the capital had been a clear message that she’d wanted to distance herself from the palace. And him. Trying to call her had yielded no results. She wasn’t answering anyone’s phone calls. Then she’d turned her phone off. And it was all his fault.
Exhaling forcibly, he moved to the French doors, stared sightlessly at the palace grounds. He had to face the fact that he couldn’t have done anything else.
He’d lied to her too much during their relationship, hidden too much. At first believing he had to, then fearing the consequences of exposure. Then he’d seen her again, and she’d given him the full disclosure he’d long craved. And he’d realized that, apart from her own hang-ups about intimacy and commitment, the real reason he’d lost her all those years ago was because he hadn’t been honest with her. After realizing that, he could hide nothing anymore. He’d wanted her to want him based on full disclosure, too, needed to have her this time in total honesty.
But after he’d confessed everything about the past, about his feelings, only one thing had remained. Her total freedom of choice about whether to be with him or not. So he’d given it to her.
And she’d chosen not to be with him.
The only reason he’d stayed in Judar till now was because she had. According to Farooq and Shehab, the ones she’d let near, having ostracized Kamal as well, she’d stayed only to see their kids a few times before she left. But she wouldn’t remain in the palace where both the perpetrators of this latest deception resided. It was probably a matter of a couple days before she left. It would be over then.
Who was he kidding? It was already over. It had been over the minute she’d realized she didn’t have to put up with seeing him again. And it didn’t matter if she still wanted him. To Jala, freedom and autonomy and honesty had always mattered far more than her desires, no matter how ferocious those were.
A growl of exasperation burst from his depths. Enough. He’d set up an elaborate gamble to resolve this need for her that continued to eat at him, and he’d lost. Everything had depended on being able to win her, and he’d done so fleetingly, before he’d lost her again...big-time.
But he hadn’t lost her because he’d told her the full truth—it was because he’d started this whole thing with another charade. He’d catastrophically miscalculated all over again. Seemed it was hopeless. Whenever it involved her, he, the master strategist, had once more been reduced to a bumbling idiot.
Growling again, unable to stay where she wasn’t, he strode out of the wing.
He had to see Kamal before he left, tell him they’d have to plan another way to contain his uncle’s wrath. As for Jala, he’d have to get her out of his system some other way....
“You’re better than I gave you credit for. Way better.”
Mohab squeezed his eyes shut as the deep, amused voice hit him between the shoulder blades.
His condition was much worse than he’d thought. He hadn’t even felt Kamal approach.
What the hell. Get this over with.
He turned to Kamal...and almost winced. That was it. He no longer considered Kamal his new favorite person. This guy was just too happy. And it swamped Mohab with such...futility. A hopelessness that he’d ever feel anything like that.
“I was coming to see you....” he began.
Kamal took his arm. “I could have just called you, but I had to see you again and picture you in your future capacity, now that it has emerged from the realm of speculation to fact.”
Mohab’s frown deepened. He didn’t get one word of what Kamal had just said.
Kamal went on, spouting more gibberish. “I really thought the next I heard from Jala would be with a proposal on how to avert the war without her involvement. And the worst part? Even if we’d been dealing with the original, critical situation, I had no doubt she’d present me with a real solution.”
Kamal huffed a laugh at the word solution, which had evidently become an inside joke between them. However, Mohab wasn’t in any laughing mood over it, or over anything else, anymore.
Kamal continued, “She’s been known to formulate workable solutions for some seemingly impossible situations to the satisfaction of all sides in some of the world’s most volatile regions.”