“GOOD JOB WITH PAVEL TONIGHT,” his wife told him, when she visited him in his office after putting Pavel to sleep that night.
She dropped into one of his guest chairs, and as she did so, Nikolai took her in with hungry eyes. Her twists, which she’d gotten redone for the wedding, were hanging down and she was dressed in jeans and a simple sweater. A cold weather wardrobe choice for sure, but just looking at her made Nikolai think of sunny days, and when her eyes raised to meet his…
That ice breaking feeling again, like a warm front was moving across his chest as he let himself take a tiny moment to revel in the fact that she now belonged to him. That the woman in the green dress was now his wife.
“He was still talking about your offer to train him when I tucked him in. He’s saying Back Up will probably want to come, too, so do you want me to text Isaac about the arena’s policy on dogs or do you want to handle that?”
“I am boss. He may bring dog if he wishes,” Nikolai answered.
She grimaced a little. “Okay, but be sure you don’t create a monster there.”
He crooked his head to the side. “You do not think I know not to indulge my nephew too much?” he asked.
She gave him a teasing smile. “No, I’m not talking about Pavel, I’m talking about Back Up. Start taking her to your skating rink and she’ll expect to come everywhere with Pavel from now on.”
So she wasn’t questioning his parenting skills, only his decision to let Pavel bring her useless dog along. There came an unexpected release of tension in Nikolai’s stomach.
“And the security person you sent to the shelter, Suro Nakamura?” Her voice was tight, and he tensed again, waiting for her anger.
But then she lowered her eyes and said, “Thank you. It’s a very thoughtful and generous gift. I’ll be sure to send you a donor acknowledgement letter for your taxes at the end of the year.”
“You’re welcome,” he answered. Then he waited, sensing there was another subject looming on her agenda, one he wouldn’t necessarily like.
He was right.
“About what happened this morning…” she said.
SAM WASN’T FOOLED THIS TIME when Nikolai’s face went totally blank. She knew better now. The last time he’d gone completely neutral on her, the most rabid family lawyer in Indiana showed up on the doorstep a few days later.
This time the shuttering of his hooded eyes sent a chill down her back. But she swallowed to get some moisture going in her mouth and pressed on. “That was a really intense nightmare you had. It sounded like you were scared. Really scared.”
His gaze went cold, his eyes two green circles on a bed of ice. “I’m fine. It was only nightmare.”
She inclined her head. “It didn’t sound like nothing. Was it about your brother? Sometimes grief gets processed through our dreams, especially when we don’t take the time to acknowledge it. That’s what happened to me when I had my nightmare. I was basically processing what had happened that evening.”
He said nothing.
“Or maybe it was about your father?”
More nothing.
And Sam began to feel very foolish for trying to talk to him, for coming in here with the intention of lending an ear to someone like Nikolai Rustanov.
“Okay,” she said with a sigh. “I won’t pry. I’m just saying if you ever need to talk to somebody, I’m here for you.”
“Is there anything else?” he asked. His tone made her feel like she was talking to a living icicle.
She cleared her throat. “Actually, as matter of fact, there is something else. After what happened this morning, I’m thinking I should go back to my room—”
“Nyet, that isn’t what we agreed,” he said before she could finish.
She nearly rolled her eyes. Exactly what she’d expected him to say. “Fine, well we agreed I’d share a room with you. Not a bed, just a room. So I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.”
His eyes flared with frustration, probably because she’d introduced this subject too late in the night for him to get someone in to take the couch out of his room.
“And if you take out the couch, I’m just going to sleep on the floor,” she let him know so she wouldn’t run into the issue with him the next day. Then she waited for him to issue some kind of edict about her sleeping where he told her to sleep.
But the next words out of his mouth were a question.
“You do not wish to share my bed?” he asked, his voice low and gruff. Then he averted his eyes. Like Pavel did whenever he asked a question and feared he would be hurt by the answer.
His question caused Sam to falter a bit. She wished Nikolai would stop doing this. Going vulnerable on her when she least expected it.
“I, um…” She quickly pulled on her counselor hat again. “I think sex confuses things, especially in a relationship like ours. Which was established for reasons of convenience. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
Especially me, she thought with a pang, before rushing to a finish with, “This morning was a mistake on both our parts, and I think it would behoove both of us to never let it happen again.”
An icy pause.
Then Nikolai reached into the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a pair of reading glasses before picking his smartphone up off the desk.
“Excuse me. English is not my first language. I am looking up this word ‘mistake.’” He frowned. “Ah, here it is. The internet says mistake means ‘an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong. Synonyms: error, fault, omission, slip, blunder, miscalculation, misunderstanding, oversight, misinterpretation…’” he carefully sounded out the next word. “so-lee-cism—I say this word right?”
“I- I don’t know,” she answered. The truth was she’d never heard of the word, but she didn’t need to know how to pronounce it in order to realize he was making fun of her. “My point is—”
“I thought I knew what mistake means, what all these words except so-lee-cism mean. But maybe we have two different definitions. I will look at this other word, behooves.” A few thumb taps and his eyes scanned the resulting page. “Hmm, this makes things you say even more confusing. You think it appropriate and suitable for husband and wife with baby on way not to share bed?”
“We’re not—we’re not a real husband and wife,” she reminded him. “We’re more like project partners, and I don’t sleep with my project partners. So if you have an event or a work obligation you need me to attend, fine. That’s what I signed up for. But I’m sleeping on the couch.”