It was time to change that.
It made him ache to think that even if he fixed the things he didn’t like about himself, he’d still lost her. That he couldn’t go back in time and fix all the things that had brought him to this place, just so he could keep her for a few more days.
Funny how life had turned into Before Taylor and After Taylor. Before Taylor, he was a man-child just like his friends—full of money and not a care in the world. After Taylor?
He was broken and sad, but he was going to become a better man, damn it. If he couldn’t have Taylor back, at least he could become the man she’d want him to be.
***
Loch had lunch with Alex and her husband, Luke, the next day. His cousin was radiant, glowing with health and happiness, and everyone at the tiny restaurant came over to give the princess their congratulations. She accepted all of their felicitations with a beaming, patient smile. Her husband was pleased, too. Alex and Luke held hands and touched each other in small ways throughout the meal, and it was evident they were in love.
It made Loch jealous as hell.
“How have you been, cousin?” Alex asked. “We haven’t seen you much lately.”
He’d gotten good at deflecting. “Just busy. So how are things in the palace?” Loch asked, changing the subject. “Everything settled?”
“As settled as it can be.” Alexandra gave her husband a loving glance. “Luke’s going back to Los Angeles for two months to film a movie, and so some people aren’t pleased about that, but it’s been contracted for months now.”
“It’s a kid’s movie, for Pete’s sake,” Luke said, and rolled his eyes. “I have to wear a damn tutu and leotard and chase the bad guys through a ballet school. I’m not sure how anyone can object to that, but for some reason, they’re acting like I’m abandoning my wife.” He reached over and touched her hand. “Baby, do you need me to stay here and wipe your brow through all the morning sickness you haven’t had?”
Alex chuckled and gave him a sly look. “I think I shall manage just fine without you for all of two months.” She looked back at Loch and gave a small little shrug of her shoulders. “He’ll be here for the rest of the pregnancy. We’ll just make sure to be extremely visible for the rest of it.”
Loch nodded absently. He stared down at his plate, untouched. Their playful banter and their easiness together? It made him think of Taylor, and how good and right it had felt to be with her. How they could have fun together. How she’d made him feel important, and he hadn’t realized how much he needed that.
Damn it, he missed her. No, not just missed her. He was shit without her.
“I’m going back to the States for a while,” Loch announced a moment later. “I’ll still keep a house here, but I’d like to spend several months out of the year there.”
Alex looked surprised. “You enjoyed it that much? I heard you didn’t want to stay there.”
Yeah, he didn’t at first . . . but things changed. He’d changed. And Taylor wasn’t here. He needed to be where she was, if nothing else. But they wouldn’t understand that, so he said, “It grew on me. Being in New York on my own was very different than my life here. It made me realize that change isn’t always a bad thing, and learning to be more independent is beneficial. I’m probably going to purchase a home there and split my time between Bellissime and the States for a while.”
“I see.” Alex didn’t look convinced.
Luke just grinned. “Met someone, did you?”
A wounded laugh bubbled out of Loch. Met someone and lost her. “Am I that obvious?”
“Depends on who you’re talking to.” Luke gave his wife an affectionate glance. “I know I had a turnabout on how I felt about Bellissime once I’d met her.”
Alex blushed and fidgeted with her napkin. “Well, if you must go, cousin, I hope she’s worth it.”
Loch thought of Taylor and the ache in his breast grew. “I don’t know if she’s interested anymore, but she is most definitely worth it.”
Chapter Fourteen
A week later, Loch was back in New York and ensconced in the same hotel suite he’d occupied for a month. The room was exactly the same as he’d left it . . . but different somehow. Every surface had been dusted, straightened, cleaned, the closets were full of fresh hangers and the bathroom full of new, wrapped soaps. The bed had been made, the sheets crisp, and it was like no one had used the room, ever. There was no sign that he and Taylor had been here for weeks, laughing and making love and enjoying each other’s company.
He hated it.
It made him sad. It was just a hotel room, but . . . it felt odd to see all traces of their existence together swept away. He even checked the mini-fridge, because Taylor’d had a habit of sticking half-drank bottles of water back in there in case he wouldn’t be charged for them, but it was full of fresh, new bottles of water.
There was no sign of Taylor anywhere. It was just like the rest of his life—as empty of her shining presence—and it made him realize just how much he’d fucked up.
How much he’d lost.
He ignored the idea of unpacking his luggage and sat down on the couch with his laptop and phone. The need to see Taylor again was like a craving inside of him. Of course, he was a helpless, spoiled idiot and didn’t remember her address from the times he’d gone to her apartment, so he couldn’t show up there and push his way in, demanding that she speak to him.
Which was probably for the best. He had a suspicion that “demanding” anything wouldn’t go over well with Taylor, much as he wanted to.