“You should have told me, Taylor. If nothing else, so I didn’t freaking propose in front of everyone in your guild and drive the kid to the pill bottle.” He looked disgruntled.
“I know. I screwed up. Now we’re both screwups. Happy?”
“No.” His look became somber, the expression in his gaze bleak. “Not unless I have you.”
The flutter was back in her belly. Down, girl. “So why are you back in the city? Is there more trouble back home?”
“No, my cousin is pregnant, remember? It’s been announced and the public is ecstatic. No one’s talking about removing her anymore. They’re just all watching for the baby.”
“But . . . I thought you wanted to go home.”
“Like I said, I thought I did, too. But things changed. I changed. I went home and . . . it wasn’t great anymore. Nothing was right. You weren’t there . . . so I came here.”
The warm flush in her belly started to spread through the rest of her body. “Oh?”
“Being here with you made me realize I’m not the same man I was when I left. When I was home, I had people that did everything for me. Here, I was forced to think for myself, and you helped me with that.” He gave her a faint smile. “So I’m back because I want to be more independent. I even found my own socks.”
“A big accomplishment,” she teased, but the sinking feeling had returned to her belly. So he’d come back not because of her, but because he wanted to be more independent? It was a good move for him, and she was proud . . . but at the same time, she was disappointed. She’d wanted to be the reason he returned.
“I’m going to buy a house here,” he told her. “Probably a few hours outside of the city. A couple floors, a couple acres, room for some horses. Nothing big.”
“Sounds modest,” she said sarcastically. “Only a few horses?”
He nodded. “I’m not going to have very many servants, either. I want to take care of myself. Though I’ve got a friend that needs work so I’ll be hiring him to handle my horses, and if he has friends that need work, I imagine I’ll hire them, too.”
Friends? “You’re hiring friends?” Oh, god. Was that why he’d wanted to meet with her? He wanted to hire her? Agony lanced through her. If this was just to give her a job . . .
Utterly crushed would be too light of a term.
“A homeless friend,” Loch said. “He needs help getting back on his feet but doesn’t want a handout, so I’m going to employ him. I’d do the same for any of his friends, as well.”
She melted despite her worry. “That’s sweet, Loch.” Despite everything, he really was a good guy. He meant well even if he went about it the wrong way sometimes. “Very thoughtful of you.”
“I’m probably going to end up spending half my time here in the States and half in Bellissime, so I’ll keep a house and staff in both places.”
“That’s . . . nice.” What was she supposed to say? All of this was just making her more and more sad as she came to the realization that he was probably going to offer her a job as housekeeper instead of asking her to take him back. And while she was going to need permanent work, the thought of being around him daily and not being with him? It’d kill her soul, inch by inch.
“What do you think?”
“I think it sounds . . . fine?” She spread her hands. “I think it’s great that you’re wanting to become more independent and take a larger role in your own future, Loch. I’m just . . . not sure what this has to do with me.”
Loch smiled and took her hand in his again, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles again. “I’m making a mess of this again, aren’t I? I’m asking you because . . . well, half the time in Bellissime and half here? I want to spend all of it with you.”
The warm feeling returned, but she paused. She needed to hear the words. “In what capacity?”
He gave her a weird look. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you trying to hire me as a housekeeper? Because if so, I’m flattered, but I really don’t think—”
He looked pained. He moved his chair a little closer to hers and leaned in, their pizza forgotten. “Taylor, I’m sorry. I guess I’m rattling on about my plans and never got to the important part.”
She waited impatiently. She wanted to hear the important part, too, damn it.
“I don’t need to get married anymore,” he said in a low, husky voice as his thumb moved over her knuckles. “Alex is pregnant and the throne is secure.” He looked up and his gaze met hers again. “But I still want you. And I still want to marry you.”
Taylor sucked in a breath. “You do?”
He nodded. “For you. Because you’re you. Because I love you. Not because I need a green card or someone’s considering me for the throne. I don’t care about any of that. I just want you in my life, by my side, in my bed.” He raised her hand to his lips. “I miss you. When I said that I didn’t love you? I didn’t realize at the time that I was lying. I do love you. And I miss you like you wouldn’t believe.”
The tears started. Taylor sniffed. “I miss you, too.”
“Thing is, in a way, I’m kind of glad things worked out how they did.” He clasped her hand in his. “Because I had to do some growing up, and I wouldn’t have realized how much you meant to me until I lost you. But . . . now that I’ve lost you? I feel like I’m less than whole. Like nothing makes sense anymore because I know you’re out there and I don’t have you in my life.” The bleak look returned to his face. “Because I didn’t realize how deeply I could love a person until I’d lost them, and I fucked everything up the day you walked out the door.”