“Well, I guess that’s one good thing,” I said dryly.
He let go of my hand. “You can’t even tell Ren. Especially not him.”
My gaze shifted to Tink.
“I know what he is. I overheard you two talking the morning you left to guard the gate. He’s an Elite, and while I think that is as lame of a name as the Order, I’ve heard of them.”
“How have you heard of them?”
He buzzed down until he was standing next to my head. He bent over, whispering in my ear, “I’m omnipresent.”
“What?” I frowned at him. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
He straightened. “It makes perfect sense.”
“I think you mean omniscient.”
He glanced up at the ceiling. “Huh.”
“You’re not omniscient,” I told him, and then said, “Are you?”
Tink grinned devilishly. “No.”
Annoyance flared. “I need you to be up front with me. No more lies. No more bullshit, Tink. I’m serious. I need to be able to trust you, and I’m not sure I do right now.”
His eyes widened slightly and then he dropped down to his knees. “I deserve that.”
Yeah, he did, because I took him in and he’d lied to me a lot. It didn’t matter that he had good reasons. He’d still lied.
And then it hit me like a smack in the face. I was going to have to do the same thing. Lie for a good reason to Ren and to . . . to everyone, so I was really no better.
“I know about the ancients, because I lived in the Otherworld. We had to learn everything about them to survive,” he said. “The prince and the princess, and the king and queen, are the most powerful, but there has always been talk of the Elite. Many fae have fallen to them when they used to come and go into this realm as they pleased, before the gateways were closed.”
That sounded believable. I guessed.
Tink screwed up his face. “Though I am surprised to hear that Ren is one. He doesn’t seem smart or cool enough for that level of badassery.”
“Ren is cool and awesome enough,” I corrected Tink. “He’s a total badass.”
“Whatever.” He folded his arms across his chest. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree. Moving on. You cannot tell him. It is his duty to end you.”
My breath caught.
Like it had been his duty to allow his best friend Noah to walk away, knowing that it would be the last time he’d see him. God, Ren had even said he couldn’t go through that again, and I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t put that kind of knowledge on him.
“I won’t,” I whispered.
Tink nudged my arm with his foot. “You have to pull it together, Ivy. Like right now.”
I looked over at him. “I think I’m owed a pity party for the next couple of minutes.”
“Save your tears for the pillow.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “This isn’t an episode of Dance Moms.”
But Tink was right. Not like I was going to tell him that, especially when I was still considering doing minor bodily harm to him. I needed to pull it together. I had no other choice. Leaving wasn’t an option. I controlled the whole baby-making aspect and there was no way I was willingly going to knock boots with that freak. I needed to get it together, because the only choice I had now was to stop the prince.
Stop the prince and make sure no that one, including Ren, found out what I was. I shivered. A question floated through my crowded thoughts, pushing everything out of my mind.
“I don’t get it.”
“What?” Tink asked.
“How . . . how am I a halfling?” I stared at the ceiling. “I don’t remember my parents, but Ren said he checked into them. He said they were in love. How could this have happened?”
Tink didn’t answer.
He didn’t know. Probably no one would ever know the truth. Anything was possible. My mother might’ve slept with a fae. Or maybe it was like Noah’s father. He’d met a fae woman and had gotten her pregnant before he met the woman he ended up marrying. I just couldn’t imagine how anyone who knew what the fae were could knowingly sleep with one.
I exhaled shakily and thought that maybe I would expel all my tears onto my pillow. I sort of just wanted to roll over and let it all out. Actually, I honestly didn’t want to think about any of it, but that was impossible.
“You need to let him go,” Tink said quietly.
I turned my head to him. “What?”
“Ren. You need to let him go. Push him away. Break up with him. Whatever. You need to get as far away from him as possible.”
I stiffened and my response was immediate. “No.”
“Ivy—”
“No,” I repeated, waving my left hand. “End of discussion.”
Tink stared at me mutinously, but he shut up. I knew that letting Ren go and pushing him away would be the smart and right thing to do in case things went south, but I couldn’t bring myself to even consider that. That probably said really bad things about me.
Okay. It definitely said really bad things about me.
But I had just found Ren. I’d fallen underwater, completely over my head, for him, with him, and I couldn’t do it. I was too selfish. He was . . . he was mine, and I’d be damned if I lost that too due to things completely out of my control. It wasn’t fair. I . . . I deserved him.
“Fine,” Tink muttered finally.
Lying there for a few moments, I gathered what remained of my composure like it was a tattered blanket, wrapped it around me, and sat up, wincing. “I need to shower.”