Jackson frowned but he seemed to be considering my words. "I still don't feel right about this. I should be there to comfort you, to make sure you're okay."
"You will be, by going on ahead to L.A. It'll be a huge comfort to know that you're there, starting to work. It'll give me something to look forward to. Please."
I knew I had won when Jackson's shoulders slumped. I felt bad about using guilt as a tactic, but everything I had said was true. I could never forgive myself if I was the one to wreck Jackson's first big role.
I was able to find a flight to Maryland leaving that night, so I rushed to the airport in a cab along with Jackson since he insisted on dropping me off.
"Call me when you get there," Jackson said as we stood by the security checkpoint.
"I will. I'm so sorry about all of this. I'll try to make it to L.A. as soon as possible."
Jackson held me tight as he kissed me and I forgot we were in an airport as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He kissed me fiercely, as if he were trying to leave his mark on me. I kissed him back wholeheartedly, my blood heating as desire coursed through me, even with everything happening.
"I love you, Emma," he whispered when we broke apart. "Don't forget that."
"I could never forget that. I love you too. I'll call you later."
I gave Jackson a half-hearted wave as I went through security. The last sight I had of Jackson before I disappeared past the barricades was of him standing by the security ropes, looking worried and anxious.
Chapter Eleven
The next day was torture. I had arrived too late to visit Sean at the hospital after my flight landed but I went there first thing in the morning on Sunday. My mother declined joining me, saying that she couldn't look at Sean without sobbing. The fact that Sean was in the same hospital as my father, the hospital where he had passed away, made everything so much worse.
I hesitantly opened the door to Sean's room, steeling myself for whatever I would find behind it. I tried to hide my reaction when I walked in. Sean was lying on the bed, but he didn't look like the Sean I remembered. Sean had been vibrant and healthy, full of good cheer and humor. The Sean that was lying in the hospital bed was ashen and lifeless, his sandy brown hair a stark contrast to his pale complexion. There were bandages on his arms and scrapes along his face, and I made an effort not to look at his still legs that were beneath the hospital blanket. He was connected to several machines that beeped ominously and his blue eyes looked listless, but I couldn't help but notice that they brightened when he saw me.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I hadn't noticed Sean's mother sitting in a chair against the wall, but she stood when she saw me, trembling with anger.
"Mrs. Somers. I'm sorry to be intruding. But I...I heard what happened and I wanted to see Sean."
Mrs. Somers stalked towards me, her fists clenched and her eyes flashing with anger. I wondered if she was going to physically strike me. I felt sadness that this woman whom I had been closer to than my own mother now hated me. But I didn't blame her. Especially now.
"Get out of here, you bitch! This is your fault. How dare you come in here like you haven't done anything wrong!"
"Mom, stop!"
We both turned to Sean when he spoke, his voice sounding thready and weak.
"Mom, can you leave us alone? I want to talk to Emma by myself."
"Sean-" his mother protested but he put up his hand.
"Mom, please. I'm not made of glass. I'm not going to break." Sean's mouth turned down at the corners when he considered his words, but then continued. "You're exhausted. Why don't you go get a cup of coffee or something? I'll be fine."
Mrs. Somers looked unhappy but she nodded, glaring at me on her way out. I sat down in the chair next to the bed, my hands clenched in nervousness.
"This isn't how I imagined we'd meet again," Sean said. I saw a glimmer of the old Sean with his self-deprecating smile.
"Me neither," I said with a weak smile. "Sean, I'm so sorry about everything. I know this is my fault-"
"Stop, Emma," Sean said with a frown. "Everyone seems to be saying it's their fault. But it's not true. It's my fault."
I let out the breath I had been holding. "Are you saying that what you did had nothing to do with me leaving you?"
Sean looked at me, his blue eyes sad. "I can't lie and say that it didn't, even if it would save you some pain. I haven't been the same since you left. But that's my fault. I haven't been coping well."
"I know I handled everything badly. I shouldn't have waited until the last minute. I should have told you sooner. I was just too scared and cowardly."
"Did you ever love me, Emma?" Sean looked so vulnerable that my heart ached.
"I did, Sean. But I loved you more like a friend. I still care about you. I always will. You were my best friend for ten years. It hurts me to think that you would..." I trailed off, not being able to finish the sentence.
Sean looked away from me bleakly, staring into space. "I've become someone I don't recognize. Everything just seems so hard now. I don't know how to be happy anymore, and that's worse than feeling pain. At least with pain, I still feel like I'm alive. The absence of happiness...it makes me feel empty. The emptiness is harder to bear than anything else."
Tears were running down my face and I wrapped my arms around my waist, feeling sick from Sean's words. The glimpse of the old Sean I had seen earlier was gone. He was wooden and lifeless again.
"Sean, you can be happy again. I wasn't good for you. I was too selfish, only thinking about myself. You deserve better than that."
Sean turned to me, looking sad. "But what if I don't want better?"
The door opened and Mrs. Somers came back in, her face grim as she watched the scene before her.
"I think you've been here long enough. Sean needs to rest."
I nodded as I stood, but I was stopped by Sean's hand grabbing my wrist, his grip surprisingly strong even in his weakened state.
"Will you visit me again? I have a feeling I'm going to be in here for a while." Sean's eyes were looking at me plaintively and I couldn't refuse.
"Sure. I'm going to be in town for a few days so I'll stop by again."
Sean didn't loosen his grip. "Tomorrow. Please come tomorrow."
I nodded and Sean released me, leaning back against his pillow and looking exhausted. Mrs. Somers followed me out of the hospital room, cornering me in the hallway.
"If it wasn't for Sean, I would make sure you were banned from visiting him again. You've ruined his life. Did you know he quit his job? He was barely able to function after you left him, so he's living with me now. He had so much potential, so much hope." Her eyes darkened, pinning me in place. "Don't you dare do anything to upset him. Even with all the crap you've put him through, he still has you on a damn pedestal."