"I didn't realize that. Are you still friends with Nathan and Mia?" I had lost touch with both of them after Jackson and I had broken up, although Mia had made efforts to remain friends. It was just too hard and too painful to be reminded of Jackson and I had wanted to sever all ties.
"Yes. They actually both live in California now, but in San Francisco. Nathan's pretty big in the art world over there and Mia concentrates on writing instead of acting. They're actually a couple now although they claim they'll never get married."
"I always thought they would be great together," I said with a genuine smile. It made me happy to think that Nathan and Mia had finally realized that they cared about each other as more than just friends. It had always been apparent to everyone except them. "I'm happy to hear that."
"What about you? Are you with someone?" Jackson didn't look up from his plate as he asked the question.
Jackson's question made me uncomfortable and I decided I was done with pretending everything was okay between us. "Jackson, I don't think it's a good idea to talk about our dating life. We're fooling ourselves sitting here, making pleasantries. Please just ask me your questions."
Jackson sighed and leaned back, pushing his plate away from him. "Fine." He looked at me intently, as if he didn't want to miss a single reaction. "The other night at your apartment, you said you lied about leaving me because you wanted to be with Sean."
I nodded, not understanding why Jackson kept harping on this point. He should have been grateful that I had given him an out so that he could be with Claire. She had told me herself that they had realized they were in love once I was out of the picture. I was desperately curious about what had happened between them because it was obvious they weren't together now, but I would never give him the satisfaction of asking.
"That's the part I can't get over," Jackson said, looking pained, his hand on the table curling into a fist. "Did you actually love me or was our relationship a joke to you?"
"How can you even ask me that?" I asked in a strained voice. "I was moving to L.A. for you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But the guilt over Sean and you giving up your big break was making me crazy. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I couldn't carry the burden of that guilt."
Jackson rubbed his face with his hand, looking bleary-eyed. "What a waste. What a fucking waste. You just threw away everything we had because you were feeling guilty."
I felt anger start to rise at his accusatory tone. If it hadn't been for my guilt, I would never have found out about him and Claire. "Was there really much to throw away?"
"How can you say that?" Jackson hissed furiously. "We had everything and you just gave up on us!"
"I thought you were going to ask me new questions, not just rehash the old ones," I said coldly, stone-faced. "There's no point to this meeting if this is what our conversation is going to amount to."
"I want to know who told you about Claire."
I wanted to start laughing hysterically. "So we are just rehashing the same shit over and over again. I already told you who told me. She did! Is your memory that bad that you don't remember? Or was it that meaningless to you?" I would never forget the pain of hearing Jackson's voice in the background, and his refusal to talk to me. I had never believed him to be a coward, but he had proven to be one that day.
"When? When did she tell you?"
"That's it. I'm leaving." I moved to stand up, but Jackson grabbed my wrist, trapping me at the table. I glared at his hand on me. "So is this how you do it now? Are you so used to getting everything that you want, that you think it's perfectly acceptable to manhandle me?"
Jackson let go of my wrist but I didn't stand up. I noticed the curious glances of patrons near us and I didn't want to draw any more attention towards us.
"Just one night."
My head shot up to stare at him, not wanting to believe what I thought he meant. His green eyes glittered as his gaze bored into me, and I knew that I wasn't mistaken.
"You must be crazy if you think I'd let you touch me again."
"Think about it, Emma. Just one night to get each other out of our systems. I acted like a Neanderthal at your apartment the other night, but I know you felt something. We can just have one night to release us."
I shook my head, but I couldn't deny my body's response to his words. I felt tingles and my lower body clenched in anticipation. It was as if I was a drug addict salivating for my first fix in years. I prayed that my will was stronger than my physical desire.
"I don't think that's a good idea, Jackson. We'll just end up hurting each other again."
Jackson took my wrist again, but this time gently, rubbing his thumb over my sensitive pulse point. "Do you remember how good it was between us, sweetheart? I've never felt so alive as when I was inside you. We can have that for one more night. Just one night and we'll free ourselves from the ghosts of our past."
Jackson's endearment tore at me. I had hungered for the sound of his voice calling me sweetheart and finally hearing it weakened my resolve. Maybe this was what I needed to exorcise the demons. Being apart from him certainly hadn't lessened my desire for him. Maybe one night would satiate my need and free me, just as Jackson suggested. A part of me knew I was fooling myself. That I was making excuses and I was putting my heart in danger. But my desire was too great and I decided to ignore the warning voice inside my head.
"One night," I agreed softly, looking up at him. His grip on my wrist tightened and I saw desire harden his face.
"Let's get out of here." Jackson pulled out his wallet and threw some bills down on the check the waitress had dropped off earlier with the food.
"But...it's still daylight!" I protested, wanting the cover of night for our illicit agreement.
"I've waited five years," Jackson said, looking determined. "I'm not waiting a single goddamned minute more."
I let Jackson guide me out of the diner and into a cab, speechless as he told the cab driver to take us to the nearby W hotel in Union Square. I wondered why we weren't going to his apartment, or even mine, but I thought maybe Jackson was trying to keep this separate from our real lives. He was smart. He was thinking ahead about what would happen after today. It still stung a little to know that he didn't want me to enter any part of his world, including his apartment.
I stood silently beside Jackson as he asked for the biggest suite available and handed over his credit card, embarrassed that it would be obvious to the hotel clerk why we only wanted a room for one night with no luggage. The W hotel wasn't the type of place where you paid by the hour for discreet assignations. It was a lush and beautifully decorated hotel and I almost choked when I heard the clerk inform Jackson that the room rate for one night was almost two thousand dollars but he just nodded his approval. It made me realize the drastically different worlds we were living in, but I would forget about that for one day.