After a few bites of the macaroni, Sophie thanks Pace and tells us that she's sleepy. Pace takes the dishes away and after turning off the lights, I curl around her on the bed, clutching her tightly against me and hold her until her breaths turn slow and even and she falls asleep.
Chapter Fifteen
Sophie
Becca has been screaming at me all day. As I sit around sulking in my usual fashion, I swear I can feel her. I can practically hear her. She's telling me to get up off my ass and get on with things. And I hate her for it.
I've returned to working part time with Kylie. I've been jogging several times a week. Things are back to normal with me and Colton. He no longer withholds himself from me anymore. He gives himself to me freely, understanding that our shared intimacy helps me. But I'm still not me and through some strange twin connection thing, Becca is calling me out on it.
I jog up the stairs and pull the letter from the special box on top of the dresser that I keep it in. I re-read it twice, looking for clues. The penis drawing still makes me laugh.
Focus, Sophie.
The third time through the letter, I get it. Realization slaps me across the face. She doesn’t want me just going through the motions of my life – working, jogging, making love with my boyfriend at night. She wants more from me. She wants more for me. At the pool party she challenged me to live each day like it was my last.
I sink down onto the bed with the letter in my hands.
Shit.
I want to yell at her, tell her that it's not that easy to do. The truth is I have no idea how to go about it. All my life I've lived to please others. I kept good grades and never gave my parents a reason to worry –they had one daughter with cancer – they didn’t need any additional stress in their lives. I was a good sister, a good person. Polite, well-mannered, everything I was supposed to be. Selling myself at the auction was the craziest thing I've ever done, and even that wasn't for me.
Dammit, Becca.
I have impossible conversations with myself all afternoon, trying to figure out what she wants from me. Sky-diving? Bungee-jumping? What?
And then it hits me.
She never wanted me to do something crazy just for the adrenalin rush. All she wanted was for me to be happy.
"I'm getting there," I say to the empty kitchen.
God, I feel like I'm losing it.
I check the clock. One more hour until Colt is home.
One hour to come up with something to do tonight to prove to myself that I can do this whole living life to the fullest thing.
Colton
On the drive home from work, my thoughts drift to Sophie.
I don’t know how I was lucky enough to go home with Sophie that night, but over the course of the past several months, I've been thankful for that fact countless times. She saved me from a bitter and lonely existence. And now I'm taking care of her through the hardest part of her life. But I see her progress little by little each day.
I'm helping her to live again – and remind her often that it's what Becca would have wanted. I stop on my way home from work and pick up packages of Starbursts, hiding the pinks around the house for her to find – one set next to her morning coffee, one in her makeup drawer, another in her running shoe. The smile in her eyes when she finds them makes my chest tighten.
I see her strength every time she laces up her running shoes, every time she cooks for me, in every smile, in every laugh – I can feel her bravery. She's choosing to live.
Of course, some days are still hard. Some days her eyes are puffy from crying when I return home from work, and it breaks my heart. But little by little, I'm getting my sweet Sophie back.
But tonight is the best. Because there's a little rosy glow to her cheeks and her eyes are bright with mischief.
"What are you up to Miss Evans?" I ask her, after arriving home from work.
"Nothing. I just have plans for us after dinner, is all." She smiles sweetly and my chest tightens.
We share a meal of roast duck that Beth has prepared and I fill Sophie in on the details of my company's progress. Things have really turned around. It's nice having someone to share the ups and downs with. She's successfully broken down my walls and taught me what it means to fully share yourself with another. In the past, I would have kept all my business shortcomings bottled up. Now I know there's nothing I need to hide from her. She accepts me as I am. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world. With her, I feel whole.
We finish eating and I'm just about to ask her what she'd like to do tonight when my phone starts ringing. I turn it over and the name Stella is displayed across the screen.
"Why is Stella calling you?" Sophie scrunches her nose in disgust.
"Good fucking question."
"Answer it," she says.
Christ. Here we go. "Hello?"
"Hi Colton," she says.
"Why are you calling, Stella?" The annoyance in my voice is unmistakable.
"I have a few things I wanted to say."
"Sophie's here with me. I'm putting you on speaker." I click the speaker-phone button without waiting for a response. I won't have her wondering what is being discussed between me and my ex-wife, and I won't deliberately hide anything from her.
Stella clears her throat and momentarily stalls. "I never meant to be the villain, Colton," she says softly. Sophie squints down at the phone in my hand as Stella continues. "I was young and foolish. I loved you–in my own way–but I realized quickly after we wed that it wasn't a forever kind of love. You worked long hours, you were building a company at such a young age and were so driven and singularly focused. I wasn't cut out to live my life in the shadows of your work. I felt neglected and as wrong as it was, I let myself get swept up in the attention of another man. I felt wanted and desired and those were things I'd been missing from you. You provided everything I could want materially–but you weren't emotionally available to me. And I'm not blaming you. We just didn’t have that deep connection. Your work was your first priority."
"Why I are you telling me all this now?" I ask, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. I don't know what game she's playing, but if it's forgiveness she wants, she's barking up the wrong fucking tree. She cheated on me – slept with our gardener, then took half my damn money. Relationships take work – if she was unhappy in our marriage, she could have talked to me about it.
After a long pause, Stella continues. "My lawyer mentioned in passing that you were out of work due to a death in the family. I was curious, so I called Marta."
I had no idea she was still in contact with Marta. For some reason that pisses me off. My gaze flicks over to Sophie's and her eyes go wide.