She squinted. “Why do you think you should have backed off?”
“I just don’t know if I was ready. If you have a breakdown in a relationship, you end up taking the other person with you.”
“You think you dragged Hunter down with you after the letter?”
I wiped my face with the back of my hand. Now I was getting confused again. “No. I don’t know. When we started dating we stayed at his apartment for four days straight. Skipped our classes and anything else we were supposed to do. Didn’t even go outside. I don’t think that was good for us.”
“Why do you think you retreated like that?”
I thought about it for a moment. “I guess because it took us so long to realize our feelings that we had a lot pent up.”
Dr. Schwartz’s pen clicked and she wrote something for a moment before speaking. “Do you think he dragged you down?”
I closed my eyes. This was exhausting. “Maybe. His friends made it sound like he has something that’s weighing him down too. I don’t know. Maybe two messed up people like us can’t ever work out.”
The pen scratched at the pad a little more before I heard her set it down on the desk and opened my eyes. When I sat up and looked at her, I saw she was staring at me intensely, her lips pursed. Were we finally done for the day? I didn’t think I could keep talking about Hunter any more.
“That’s all for today, Lorrie. However, before you go, I do think I should ask you to think about whether two people who have dealt with a lot of tragedy in their lives might be better equipped to support each other. There’s no right answer to that question, but I think you should stop and consider it before assuming you have the answer already.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything. Her words might as well have been in another language. It had been a long session, and I was completely and utterly drained. At least I wasn’t crying anymore.
“And for what it’s worth, I don’t think this is the last you’ve seen of Hunter.”
I sighed, staring at her blankly. I didn’t want to think about Hunter. I didn’t want to think about anything.
Taking the cue that the session was over, I rose shakily onto my feet. After a half-mumbled goodbye, I walked out of her office. I was beyond glad that we were done for the day.
I looked up at the clock in the waiting area and saw there were still ten minutes left before my uncle was due to pick me up. Taking a deep breath, I sat down before realizing this gave me time to clean myself up. I hopped back up and went to the bathroom to clean off my makeup. As I stared at my sunken eyes in the bathroom mirror, I couldn’t help but play Dr. Schwartz’s words over and over in my head. Was she right? More importantly, did I want her to be right?
Chapter Two
A NEW HOME
Uncle Stewart’s charcoal gray Buick sedan had pulled up to the curb when I came out. The sky was gray and sprinkling early April rain, so I was relieved he pulled up rather than parking in the lot and making me walk.
“How was it?” he asked, as soon as I was safely inside. He was wearing a black fleece with his company’s logo over a white oxford shirt and pleated chinos. It was his work outfit. He had just gotten off.
“Pretty good,” I answered, deciding to simplify things. In reality, my mind was in a million places and I felt like my body had been emptied of tears.
He nodded, pursed his lips, and began driving me the twenty minutes home. My uncle was typically a quiet man, so for him to even ask me about my appointment was a little unusual. He and my aunt were very worried about the way I’d been acting since I got back to their house. I could almost hear my aunt asking me delicately if I might be sleeping too much.
I looked over to see if he was going to say anything more, but his eyes were focused on the road. Uncle Stewart was a salesman who had to do a lot of driving for meetings. Normally he appeared very comfortable behind the wheel, but today he was a little more on edge. His forehead had wrinkled and his grip on the steering wheel was viselike.
I decided to tell him a little more to see if he would relax. “I think Dr. Schwartz actually gave me a lot to think about,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.
“Good!” he said, glancing over at me before returning his eyes to the road. I couldn’t tell for sure, but it did seem like he relaxed a little bit.
I turned to look out the window. Living with my aunt and uncle had its smothering moments, but I was glad to have somewhere to go. They loved me as one of their own, and I was very thankful for that.
I got back to thinking about what Dr. Schwartz had said. Was I thinking about Hunter the wrong way? I wished I knew what he was dealing with, but he’d refused to tell me. Whatever it was, it was in the past now.
I let out a deep breath. “What’s for dinner?” I asked my uncle.
“Not sure what your aunt is cooking,” he said. “Probably won’t be ready for a while though. She just got home. Joel and Billy had something after school and she was helping out.”
He seemed to think for a moment. “If you’re hungry we can stop for something on the way home.”
I shook my head. “No, that’s okay. I don’t want to fill up before dinner.”
“Are you sure? You haven’t been eating much lately.”
His words made my stomach sink and I grimaced. My poor aunt and uncle were obsessively worried about me. “Yes, I’m sure,” I said. “Eating Aunt Caroline’s home cooking will make me feel better than stuffing my face with fast food.”
He shrugged. “You’re right. Just trying to make sure you don’t feel like we’re starving you, that’s all.”
I laughed. My aunt was constantly pushing food on me. Anything so long as it was rich and smelled good. I just hadn’t been hungry since I’d gotten back from Studsen. “Not sure how I could ever think that.”
My uncle smiled. “Looks like talking to Dr. Schwartz really did help. This is the most lively I’ve seen you since you came back.”
I pursed my lips. “Yeah, maybe. I still have a lot to figure out.”
He seemed to consider this. “Okay. Well, your aunt and I just want the best for you. If there’s anything we can do to help, we will.”
It was my turn to nod. This wasn’t the first time we’d had this talk. “Okay. Thank you. I’ll let you guys know if there’s anything you can do. Right now I think I just need a little space to think.”
“Okay. If there’s anything else, don’t hesitate.”