“I’ll take care of everything. Don’t worry about it in the least. She’s not going to bother you again.”
He said it with such conviction that I had no choice but to believe him. He’d find a way to protect me from Celia. I simply had to comply with the parameters he set to keep me safe. If I’d done that to begin with, she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to push me, and Hudson wouldn’t have to bail me out of my mess.
Gratitude and relief swept through me, along with a twinge of regret. “Thank you.”
And then a whole bunch more regret followed. If I hadn’t punched Celia, would I have ended up in David’s arms? Something told me probably not. Either way, the weight of what Hudson had witnessed was immensely heavy. “Hudson,” my voice trembled. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Good for you, actually. She deserves worse.” He even managed to smile as he said the last part.
I wanted to smile with him. But I couldn’t. Not yet. “I mean, I’m sorry about David.”
“Oh.” His face grew grim and the pain from earlier resurfaced. His next words were careful and precise and burdened. “Tell me one thing—do you still feel anything for him?”
“No. No, I don’t. Nothing. I’ve told you that before, and I meant it, though I’m sure it doesn’t seem like it seeing me tonight. But the whole time he was holding me, it felt wrong. All I could think about was you. I was missing you, H. Needing you. So much. And I didn’t think about what I was doing. I’m so, so, sor—”
He flew to me before I could finish, wrapping his arms around me.
Yes, that was how it was supposed to feel, that was what I’d been longing for.
He buried his face in my hair. “I missed you too, precious. Needed you. I was trying to get back here—”
“And I ruined your surprise.” I nuzzled further into his chest. “I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t care. It hurts, but I’ve hurt you. And as long as you swear that he means nothing—”
“Nothing. I swear with every fiber of my body, it’s only you.” I tilted my head up to kiss along his jaw. “How about you—” The question threatened to stick in my throat, but I forced it out. “Do you still feel anything for Celia?”
His body stiffened. Leaning back to meet my eyes, he said softly, “Alayna…I’ve never felt anything for Celia.”
“You mean, it was just sex?” They were things I had to ask, even if the answers were already clear.
He shook his head slowly. “I’ve never been with her at all.”
“She was lying.” It wasn’t a question. I’d already suspected she’d made it up.
He confirmed anyway. “She was lying.”
“That’s what I thought.” It should have been a relief. Why did my acceptance of this only bring a pit of dread?
Because if that wasn’t what he had to confess to me about the video, then there was still a truth I had to learn. Something told me I already knew. The alternative explanation that I’d managed to tuck away earlier returned to niggle at me. And this time it wouldn’t let go until I explored it fully.
Gently—reluctantly—I pushed my way out of his arms. “But here’s the thing—I sort of wish it were true.”
He raised a questioning brow.
“Not that you were sleeping with her while we were together—not that part. But the rest of it—that you were really with her when Stacy saw you. If that was the truth, I could accept it. Don’t get me wrong—the idea of you with her, f**king her—it torments me. It really does.” Like, actually produced bile in my mouth. “But I think I always knew you were never with her. It’s in your eyes—both now and in that video.”
Hudson’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I wasn’t. I was never with her.”
I continued to stare at his neck. It was easier than looking at his eyes where dark storms were beginning to gather. “And that means that the thing with Stacy was a scam. Of course it was. I wanted to think it was just Celia in on it, and you were protecting her. But you said you weren’t and you did go along enough to stage that kiss. You were part of it.”
I paused, letting what I’d said sink into my consciousness, tasting the truth of the words that still lingered in my mouth. “I thought for a minute that might be your secret. Except it’s not it. I mean, yeah, that’s shitty that you did that to her, but I knew you had those things in your past. And you knew that I knew those things. If that were all there was to learn from that video, you would have told me. There had to be more you were hiding.”
Finally, with great effort, I raised my eyes to his. “It’s because of what night it was, the night of the symposium, isn’t it? I considered that you didn’t want me to know that you were still manipulating people for fun that recently, but now I don’t think that’s all of it either.”
“Alayna…” Even though only a whisper, there was weight to his single word. It was cautionary, it was pleading. It said, don’t go here, even though we were always headed there, from the second he first laid eyes on me. It was fated that we’d arrive at this moment, and whether we wanted to face it or not, here it was.
“It’s not the video itself. It’s what happened after.” I spoke as if I was just figuring it out, but really, it had always been there, buried in my subconscious where I didn’t have to deal with it. I knew. I’d always known what I was only now able to admit.
Hudson repeated my name, calling for my attention, but I was no longer focused on him.
“If Celia was there with you outside the symposium…then doesn’t it make sense that she went in with you? And if she went in with you, she was there when you first saw me. And if you were still playing people together…”
My skin broke out in goose bumps as a chill ran down my spine and a wave of nausea wracked through my body. A ringing began in my ears, and somewhere behind that I could hear Hudson still speaking.
“I was going to tell you,” he seemed to be saying. “I came back to tell you.”
I searched his face, barely registering his fragmented explanation as the truth settled over me.
“It’s my worst mistake, Alayna.” He stepped toward me, his face twisted in anguish, his voice desperate. “The most horrible of all the things I’ve done. My biggest regret, although it’s what gave me you and for that I’m forever grateful. But I never knew what I’d feel for you. I never knew that I could hurt you that much, and that I would care that I did. Please, Alayna, you have to understand.”