He was on the brink, too—I could read his body like it was my own—but still he kept his gaze connected to mine. “Even when you’re petulant and contrary, I still want you. Always, I want you. I want to give you everything. All of me. Why can’t you take it? Take it.”
He delivered one more elongated thrust, burying himself deeply as he poured into me with a low groan. “Take it!”
I whimpered as his release shuddered through me, extending my own into a second wave of euphoria that sent chills down my spine. Lost in the fog of post-orgasm, my ears still thrumming with the pulse of my heartbeat, I had a brief moment of clarity—what if it wasn’t Hudson that was incapable of being loved fiercely, but me?
The thought was fleeting, gone as soon as it had come. Of course, I could take his love. It was he who didn’t know how to show it.
He’d rolled off me by then and was sitting with his back braced against the sofa. Only traces of the wild passion he’d displayed a moment ago were present in his features, his shortness of breath one of the only indicators that he’d ever lost control.
Suddenly I was angry. Angry with him for resorting to f**king as a way to end our disagreement like he always did. Angry that he expected it would change anything. Angry at myself for being seduced.
I propped myself up on my elbows and glared.
“Now, come on, Alayna.” His eyes narrowed. “You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it.”
His condescending tone irked me even more. “Sex isn’t the only way to show a person how you feel.”
“I know. I tried to give you a nightclub.”
His words stung though I couldn’t quite grasp why.
I was still figuring it out when he stood and zipped himself up. “If you want to continue fighting about this, which I’m sure you do, it will have to be later. I have work to do.”
My scowl remained long after he’d left. It was almost funny that I felt so enraged. I’d thought he’d fall to pieces if he’d known I wasn’t telling him things about my past with David, that I’d withheld my interaction with Paul Kresh. And if he’d gone crazy because I’d hidden things, I would have taken it. I’d kept things from him, and I deserved whatever distrust and hurt feelings that came from that.
But it hadn’t been my keeping secrets that put us on opposite sides. It had been his jealousy and my refusal to take over the club. Either he’d always truly meant to give me The Sky Launch, or he was manipulating the situation with David to make me believe that. Both were possible. I’d probably never know for sure which one. Maybe he didn’t know himself.
One thing was certain, I wasn’t letting David get fired, whatever the reason. One day, perhaps, I’d be ready and want to take over the management of The Sky Launch, but not now. Not so soon. Not only a month after graduating with my MBA.
And I wouldn’t do that to a manager as good as David. It wasn’t right.
I brought myself to my feet and stretched. The discussion wasn’t over, but I could put it on pause for the night if Hudson could. And I didn’t intend to mope around about it. It was unhealthy and could quickly turn to obsession if I wasn’t careful. Which meant I had to find something to occupy myself.
I looked at my watch and was surprised to find it was after six. Guess I was skipping group therapy since I’d already missed it. I didn’t have the energy for exercise, so that was out. There was a TV in the living room, but I preferred movies to shows and I hadn’t yet come across any DVDs. Hudson probably had everything on a movie drive somewhere. I wasn’t about to ask where. I’d already finished The Talented Mr. Ripley.
Actually, what I should do was work on the library. Another slew of packages had arrived on Friday and the room was crammed with unopened boxes. I should have unpacked them over the weekend, but I’d been too content to lie around na**d with Hudson, doing nothing but each other. I’d put it off too long. So what if Hudson was already working in there at his desk. We were grown-ups. We could share the space.
Though the library was big, the room felt confined with the tension still lingering between us. Hudson sat at his desk, focused intently on his computer screen. It was as if he didn’t even know I was in the room. But he did. Of course, he did. He could seem so single-minded, so compartmentalized, but he was always aware of me in every way, as I was always aware of him. I simply wasn’t as good at hiding it as he was.
I took a deep breath and knelt at the stack of boxes furthest from him. Soon, I was wrapped up in the task of unloading and alphabetizing, enjoying the thrill of each newly discovered book title. He’d purchased so many great ones. Classics and contemporaries. Many I’d read, many I wanted to read, many I wanted to reread.
It was after I opened the box with the DVDs that I realized it. Not right away. At first, I was surprised to find the contents were movies rather than books, but I simply started on another section of the shelves and began unloading, not paying too much attention to the titles until I pulled out Midnight Cowboy—the movie Hudson and I had watched while we were in the Hamptons. He’d pulled up the list of AFI’s Greatest Movies, a list I was slowly working my way through, and he’d told me to choose one I hadn’t seen. I chose Midnight Cowboy.
Seeing it in the box, it hit me. I looked over the titles I’d shelved to be sure, and yep, it was true. Each and every movie was on the AFI list. And the books—I ran to look over the books, paying more attention this time. The Brothers Karamazov, Anna Karenina, Catch-22, Beloved—they were all titles from The Greatest Books list. I’d told Hudson I wanted to read them all before I died. And here he’d bought them for me. Each and every one.
I was suddenly overcome with emotion. It was a strange thing to move me, but it did. Before he’d decided to commit to me, before he’d asked me to come to his penthouse, let alone move in with him, he’d purchased a library full of books and movies tailored specifically to my interests.
He hadn’t said I loved you. Maybe he never would. But was there anything this man did that didn’t show me how much he did love me?
I was halfway to his desk before I’d even thought about what I was doing. He must have heard me coming, because even though he didn’t look at me, he swiveled in his chair, opening toward me a bit. Maybe it had been subconscious, that he aligned himself with me as I often did with him. It was nice to think so.
I fell at his feet, placing my head on his thigh.