“Amery. Please get up and show me—”
“I can’t watch it again.”
Watch it?
He waited for her to say more, but her breathing slowed almost immediately.
Ronin found the thick envelope addressed to Mr. and Mrs. James Hardwick. The postmark date had been smeared. He dumped the contents on the counter. Two DVDs, a stack of photos, and a typewritten note about . . . him.
He thumbed through the photos, his sense of dread growing. These had been sent to Amery’s parents? The poses weren’t as explicit as some he’d done. But there were a lot of different women.
He made it through the stack, more than a little rattled. Then he grabbed the gin and the DVDs before he returned to the living room to see what was on the discs.
After the first scene with Naomi, Ronin had to keep from putting his fist through the TV.
His ex had done some seriously f**ked-up shit, but this went beyond anything he could’ve imagined. Looking at the footage, he could tell she’d set up cameras not only in her bedroom, but in Ronin’s bedroom. He’d never consented to that. Never.
He seemed stuck in an out-of-body experience as he watched himself on-screen, binding Naomi. Fucking Naomi. He cringed in the scene where he’d slapped her across the face. He had to pause and curb his anger. Why hadn’t he said no to her that time? Afterward, he’d felt so ashamed. He closed his eyes, wishing he could just f**king erase that memory.
“I don’t see the big deal. You use forcible contact all the time in your role as Sensei. In your role as master, you are supposed to take into account what I, as your submissive, want. I need this.”
“Don’t call me master. We are not in the Dominant and submissive roles. Naomi, you are my rope model and my lover. You aren’t even my student, so you don’t understand the role of violence. And yet you’re demanding I use it against you during an intimate moment?”
“You use me anyway. I’m nothing more than a mannequin for you to bind and a hole to stick your c**k in when you’re done.”
She’d started to cry then. Manipulating him. Demanding to know why she had no say in their public or private play. And like a f**king idiot, he’d given in. Afterward, he drank until he’d passed out. And he stayed away from her for three weeks.
That’s when he’d decided to convert the third bedroom into a play room.
That’d also been the beginning of the end.
Was this the beginning of the end for him and Amery?
No way. No f**king way.
Ronin couldn’t imagine how upset she’d been at seeing this display of him with his former lover. Especially when that wasn’t really him at all.
But to find out her parents had also seen it? That this was their first—hell, their only impression of him? He was shocked Amery hadn’t ordered him out of her life.
“Naomi goes for the jugular, doesn’t she?” Amery said softly behind him.
He closed his eyes and prayed he wasn’t about to lose this woman. “A nick, rather than a slice just to see how fast you’ll bleed out.” Or see if someone will notice and save you. “I had no idea she’d . . .”
“I guessed that. But I’m surprised you hadn’t expected something like this from her. Do you think she kept it all these years to blackmail you?”
“Not for money when humiliation is so much more damaging.” He ejected the disk. “Do I even want to know what’s on the other DVD?”
“It’s outtakes from some of your fights.”
Fucking awesome. “This is why your parents showed up unannounced. Naomi sent them a hate package.”
“Yes.” Amery sighed. “They forced me to watch it with them in the room.”
Then Ronin was on his feet, standing in front of her, but he hesitated to touch her. “I . . .” What the f**k did he even say to that?
“It was horrible.” Amery wrapped her arms around herself. “They kept asking questions and treating me like some kind of victim of abuse.”
He just stared at her helplessly as she matter of factly relayed every ugly accusation her parents had hurled at her for being involved with someone like him. By the time she finished speaking, she was crying so hard he couldn’t understand her. Regardless of whether she wanted it or not, Ronin hauled her into his arms and held her.
She clung to him. He waited for the moment her embarrassment would turn into anger and she’d lash out at him. He steeled himself against it.
But it didn’t happen.
He had no idea how long they remained like that, Amery sobbing against his chest while his self-recriminations paralyzed him.
“So after they left, I needed some time alone to try to process everything.”
“Where did you get to in that process?”
“Same place I started—except the booze gave me a buzz. I tried to look at it from both sides. From their side. How I’d feel if I’d gotten something like that in the mail.”
“And?”
“And it didn’t matter. I couldn’t separate myself enough.”
“Separate yourself from what?”
“From the anger and humiliation.”
Ronin tipped her head back to look into her eyes. “I can’t imagine the anger you’re feeling toward me right now.”
Amery’s eyes searched his. “Ronin, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry for you. No matter how it ended between you and Naomi, she doesn’t have the right to humiliate you. The only anger on my side is directed at my parents. They came here for two things. To judge me for my involvement with you and to show me your humiliation. When I tried to explain that they didn’t understand you, or our relationship, they insisted I’d been brainwashed. That I was excusing my abuser’s behavior.”
Abuser. That twisted his stomach.
She touched his face. “So according to them, I’ve been abused by the man who taught me how to defend myself against a real threat. Abused by the man who respects my career aspirations and asked his family to consider giving my designs a shot. Abused by the man who won’t let me hide my wants and desires from him. Abused by the man who knows me, as well as my heart and my body. Abused by the man who gives me his coat when it’s cold, who feeds me when I’m hungry, who nourishes my soul just by his existence. I can’t stand by and let them tell me that I’m abused . . . by the one man who taught me what it really means to love someone.”
He closed his eyes against the surge of emotion. This is what she meant when she said no one else mattered. She knew the truth about them and it was enough. God. He loved this woman with everything he had.