I glanced at where he’d held me, sure I’d see burns on my skin from his touch. Sure that he’d left some sort of a scar.
I wondered if I’d marked him at all in return. “And what about you, JC?” I asked, my words landing on his back. “Do you need me?”
He stopped, but he didn’t turn to me. “That’s not us, Gwen. That’s not what we have.” His statement wrapped its cold arms around me as he started out again. In the threshold, he pivoted back to face me. “But I came here tonight, didn’t I?”
***
When I slid my key card in the door lock, I could no longer say what was going on between us, nor what I thought would happen next. I only knew I had no other choice. I had to be there. Even if he never said anything more meaningful than, “There’s only you,” even if he never fought more than he had by showing up at my club, I would be there for him.
He was dozing in the armchair, but his eyes flew open when I walked toward him. As if he could feel me as he slept.
He cleared the sleep from his voice. “You came.”
“Not yet.”
His lip curled up slowly into a wicked grin that was both familiar and arousing. “Is that a challenge?”
I barely had a chance to nod before his hands were on me. Within minutes, he’d released his cock, removed my panties and pulled me into his lap. I was wet but still tight as he ground into me. I screamed from the mixture of pleasure and pain and wrapped my arms around his neck while I begged him for more.
He delivered, pounding into me at a feverish pace. He was hard. He was merciless. He was punishing me for having stayed away, handling me rougher than he ever had as he bit at my nipples and dug his fingers into my hips.
He spoke as he fucked me. This time, instead of asking me how I felt, he told me. “I make you feel good. You like this. You love the way I feel inside you, Gwen. You feel me now. Feel me.” He was reminding me. Making sure I didn’t forget. Making sure I would remember this before I thought of ending us again.
I came. More than once. By the time he’d released, my voice was hoarse and my thighs ached. My dress felt hot and heavy on my sweaty skin. And though my center continued to hum with thoughts of more, I was content. Even when he gently pushed me off. Even when he didn’t meet my eyes.
I knew then, and I accepted. This was how it was going to be between us. We’d meet. We’d fuck. He’d put up walls between us. And I’d love him.
Chapter Fifteen
“Do you want me to file the workman’s compensation form for Dean’s claim?” It was usually something Matt did, but I was running out of work to do. If I didn’t keep busy, I would probably fall asleep. That was the hardest part about the floor waxing days—staying awake. They were scheduled quarterly and could only be done when the club was closed. The team that came in took around four hours to do all the floors, and two managers had to be there for safety reasons since the cleaners were contracted laborers. It was now just after nine in the morning, and they’d been there since six. Since Matt and I had closed the night before, we were the two sticking around.
“Hmm?” Matt seemed to be paying more attention to the radio than to me. He’d had it on all morning, tuned to an all-news station. The current report was about an arrest made in a four-year-old murder of a local woman.
It gave me a chill. I hated the news. Any of it. All of it. I had enough drama in my own life. I couldn’t deal with listening to tales of murders and rapes and kidnappings and drug busts. They were all really the same story—pain, pain, pain. I’d had enough pain. I didn’t need more. All it did was make me dwell on my abusive past and on my father who had been released from jail only the week before. I hadn’t seen him, and I didn’t want to. I didn’t even want to think about him.
“Matt, why don’t you go on home?” Then I could turn on something with a beat. Something not depressing. And daydream about JC without anyone in the room to question what I was thinking about while I stared absently into space.
It was what I did with much of my free time lately—relived my nights with JC. It had been six weeks since he’d asked me to keep our agreement going. After that, our relationship had maintained a status quo. He was never again as cold as he had been the night I’d woken to an empty bed and never again as open as the day we’d spent together in the real world. I took it as an acceptable compromise. Really, I didn’t have another choice. I was sure that he felt something for me and I didn’t want to give up on that. Besides, whether he did or didn’t, every night we spent together I fell deeper into love with him. Ending things was no longer an option. I wanted to be with him, whatever his terms.
Still, I dreamed of more. If I’m patient, I’d tell myself, maybe it could be more than just a dream.
A monotone voice reporting the “current speculation that bail will be denied” was not a part of my JC daydreams. Since Matt had yet to answer me about going home, I got up from my desk and went to stand in front of his.
I snapped my fingers in front of his glassy stare. “Hey, Matt. I think you’re dozing over here. Why don’t you go home?”
He blinked a few times then seemed to wake up from his stupor. “I’m sorry. I guess I am in a bit of a daze.” He looked at his watch. “I’ll make it. Paco should be done soon.”
“Exactly. Paco should be done soon, so there’s no reason for us both to hang around.”
He smiled. “You know I can’t leave you here alone.”
We always followed the two manager rule. I didn’t think this one time would be too much of a problem.
“I won’t be alone. I’ll be with Paco. And you and I both know that sweet old man isn’t going to do anything to me. So go on. Get out of here. I don’t usually go to bed until noon so I’m still wide awake.” Or I would be as soon as I could get some Sia playing.
Matt didn’t seem convinced.
“I’ll walk you out, and we can see exactly how much more he has to do. Come on.” I nodded for him to follow as I headed to the door. When he didn’t, I went back to him and grabbed his arm and tugged. “Come on, you stubborn oaf.”
He groaned. But he stood up with a smile. “I’m not agreeing. We’ll check on Paco and then decide.”
“Okay. But bring your things because if he’s almost done, you’re leaving.”
He muttered something about me being bossy and reminding him of someone else he used to know while he grabbed his keys and wallet from the safe where he kept them while he worked. As soon as we walked out of the office, we heard the whir of the wax machine and found Paco just starting on the main level. He always worked top to bottom.