But it was too little too late. A trinket given as an afterthought. “Funny how that doesn’t change anything. Really, what’s the difference between you marrying her or you marrying me? We’re both strangers to you.”
“We’re not. Don’t say that. You and I are not strangers. You’re right that knowing my name doesn’t change anything because it’s just a detail. It’s not important. We already know everything that matters about each other.”
“I don’t think that’s true. Because whatever this is that’s driving you to try to get married and solve everything—I think that probably matters very much in your life, and I know shit about it.” My voice cracked, signaling it was time to be done. I refused to break down in front of him.
“This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come. I need to go now.” I turned and grasped the door handle
“You said you could wait. You said you didn’t need to know my secrets.” They were harsh accusations that were meant to stop me, and they did.
I swiveled back toward him. “That was before you made them so important!” I covered my face with my hands. I knew I should go, but I wasn’t quite ready. There was too much unsaid, and while I couldn’t seem to get anything meaningful from him, I had things I’d meant to say to him. Things I’d have to say if I was ever going to be able to leave without regrets.
I put my arms to my sides and faced him straight on. “I know you’re in trouble, JC. I know you think that I won’t understand or that I can’t handle whatever it is you’re hiding, but I would love you anyway. My heart is open, JC. I will love you anyway. I even love you after you—goddammit, I can’t believe I’m giving this to you—but I even love you after you fucking married someone else on the same fucking day you proposed to me.”
He was in front of me in two strides. Tentatively he put his hands on my upper arms. I let him.
“I’m not in trouble.” His thumbs swept over my skin, sending shooting stars of electricity down my arms. “I’m the key witness in an investigation. I’m sworn to secrecy in exchange for government protection. I’m not supposed to say any of that to you. The guy I’m testifying against is not a good guy at all. He’s dangerous. He’s without morals. I’d thought things were going to be okay when they arrested him. The call I got this morning—yesterday morning, I guess—he made bail. He wasn’t supposed to make bail. He doesn’t know yet that I’m the key witness, but he will when the prosecutors reveal their evidence. It will be soon. I’ll have to be off-the-grid when that happens.”
My mouth fell open. I was as stunned by his sudden decision to be honest as I was by what he’d said. Though what he’d said was pretty overwhelming. Key witness. Dangerous guy. Off-the-grid. The words spun in my head.
Then click. Click. Click. Each piece slipped into the puzzle that I called JC. Why he couldn’t talk about things. Why he couldn’t come back to New York. The whole picture began to make sense.
“I didn’t tell you earlier because of my oath.” He stepped closer so more of our bodies touched, and I put my hands behind me, wedged between the door and my ass, so I wouldn’t be tempted to reach out for him. “But I also didn’t tell you because I needed you to be safe. Any and all of my personal ties are vulnerable. The less you knew about me, the better. I figured you were safe in the beginning, when our arrangement was so casual. The minute it became more, I couldn’t guarantee that.”
Why he’d tried to remain distant.
Click. “And the protection I’m offered from the government doesn’t extend to love interests.”
“No.”
Click. “But it extends to wives.”
“Right.”
Why he wanted to get married so quickly.
“Well, at least Tamara’s safe.” It was bitchy. I felt bitchy. The situation was laughable, really. Someone else looking at it, watching this episode, would get a long hard kick out of it. What would it be called? The Wednesday I Didn’t Get Married. The Wednesday He Married Someone Else.
JC’s hands dropped from my arms. His expression said he didn’t find the humor.
“Sorry. I’m still trying to get my head around this.” I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around myself. “So the only way I’ll be safe from whoever you’re testifying against is to marry you. And then how do they protect us?”
“They’d protect us by hiding us. Making it so no one else can find us.”
“Give up our lives, you mean.”
JC sighed and leaned heavily against the adjacent wall, as if the whole conversation was a weight that he barely had the strength to carry. Or maybe not the conversation, but the situation he was in. Yes, that.
He ran a hand over his face before tilting his head to look at me. “I don’t really have anyone I’d be giving up besides you.”
I warmed at that. It was what every woman wanted, wasn’t it? To be the only thing that mattered to a man. Why couldn’t I give him the same in return? “That’s not the case for me. I have Norma. I have Ben.” Ben, who was finally moving back to be closer to us—I couldn’t leave him now.
However, my brother, of anyone, would understand needing to run away for a bit. “Would I be able to talk to them first?”
“No. I wasn’t even supposed to tell you unless we were married. It was why I didn’t tell you yesterday.”
“So I just disappear and can’t tell my family and that’s the only way I can be safe from someone that’s after you.” Marriage for protection—it sounded archaic and not something I ever would have chosen, but I was starting to worry it was my only option.
JC hesitated for a moment.
“Am I in danger if I don’t go with you?” I prodded.
“No. If you didn’t marry me, you’d be fine. The guy I’m testifying against doesn’t know anything about you. It’s me who has to leave.” He knew as he said it that he was decreasing his chances of convincing me to go. But he was honest. And I appreciated that.
I appreciated it enough to ask more questions. “For how long?”
“I don’t know. A few months. Maybe longer. I’m not sure.”
“Like how much longer could it be? Could it be a year? More than that?” I couldn’t decide if I was considering going with him or if I was just desperate to know how long he’d be away from me. Either way, this answer was vital.