I could never go back.
* * *
It was Tuesday afternoon before I got to speak to Brock about expanding Lima Academy into uncharted territories. He’d disappeared with Kristen on Monday, and didn’t return until later that day, slamming the door shut behind him.
I’d wisely left him alone.
Monday night I’d made two phone calls. First was to Grady, telling him that I wouldn’t be able to make it to dinner Wednesday night because of a work commitment. He’d sounded disappointed, but graciously offered to take me out the following weekend. We’d tentatively made plans for that Saturday.
I’d felt bad for canceling, but I didn’t feel . . . excited about the rescheduled date. Maybe I would once it got closer. Maybe I would make a bigger deal out of it. Get a new dress. Do something special with my hair. Shave my legs.
Bringing out the big guns there.
The second call had been to my mother. We’d chatted for a bit, about how I was settling in at work, and she asked about my date with Grady. We’d talked for close to an hour, and before I’d hung up she finally asked me about Brock.
“How is everything with him?” she’d asked, her voice cautious.
I’d been playing with Rhage, dangling one of those feather-mouse toys. “Things are okay.”
“That doesn’t sound entirely convincing, hon.”
“Well, they actually have been okay. We’re getting along,” I’d told her. “We’re kind of friends . . . again, I guess.”
“Oh, honey, it’s good to hear that. Your father didn’t tell me he was taking over as GM. He knew I would warn you,” she’d explained. “He wants you two so badly to . . .”
I’d stilled. “To what?”
There’d been a stretch of silence. “To just get along. He knows that with you two at the helm in Martinsburg, it will be no time before it’s as successful as the one here.”
It had been nice to hear that, to know my father believed in me, but I also knew, because I wasn’t dumb, that wasn’t the only reason why either of them was asking about Brock and me.
I’d never admitted my feelings for Brock, not to my parents, not to Abby or Katie. Doing so always felt like I could never take it back, but as I’d stared at the muted TV screen, I’d been suddenly so tired of not . . . of just not being honest.
“Mom, I was in love with Brock from the moment he stepped through the front door of our house.”
Even though half my hearing was shot, I’d swear I heard her sharp inhale. “Jilly . . .”
“I know you’ve always known that. Hell, everyone knew it. But we’re . . . we’re okay now. It’s—” I hissed, yanking my hand back. The damn cat had latched its claws into my fingers when I stopped moving the toy. Rhage glared up at me. “I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about me . . . and him.”
“Baby, I never worried about you two.”
My brows had lifted as I’d shaken my stinging hand. “Really?”
“Not in the way you think,” she said mysteriously. “Look, your uncles are outside and about to pile out of their cars, looking to be fed. When are you coming home to see us?”
“Thanksgiving,” I told her.
“That’s so far away,” she complained.
A slight smile tugged at my lips. “Mom, that’s only a little over a month from now.”
“Too long,” Mom countered. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.” I’d hung up the phone, feeling strangely lighter, having admitted to something that was so incredibly simple but so heavy.
And now it was Tuesday afternoon, and once again I was walking to Brock’s office, hoping this time the conversation didn’t veer into Crazyville. Rapping my knuckles off his door, I waited.
“Come in.”
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. He was watching TV. I started to frown, but I quickly realized it was a video of one of the recruits from the second floor. “Do you have a couple of moments?”
“Your hair is down again,” he murmured, glancing over at me. “I approve.”
I made a face at him as I closed the door behind me. “Thanks, but wasn’t looking for your approval.
A brief grin appeared and then he picked up a remote and paused the video. “What’s up?”
Sitting straight, I folded my hands together. “I wanted to talk to you about possible expansion. It’s not something that the Lima Academy would typically get involved in, but I think it’s something worth looking into.”
His gaze centered on me. “Go on.”
I ignored the way his heavy stare made me feel, like there was no space between us. “Right now, the Lima Academy is very male-centric. Of course, with the exception of the gym and the few women we have training in one of our martial arts or self-defense classes. Now, we can always bring more women and young adults into our standard classes, something I am focusing on, but I think we can do more.” My shoulders rose. “You remember Avery, right?”
“Cam’s wife?”
I nodded. “And you’ve met Jase Winstead? His wife is Teresa. They’re about to have a child—a baby boy.”
The look on his face said he wasn’t exactly sure how that worked into expanding Lima Academy.
“Anyway, both Teresa and Avery were . . . are dancers, professional dancers. Teresa was actually with one of the most well-known dance companies before she injured her knee, preventing her from having a career in dance. For quite some time, they’ve wanted to start offering dance classes, since there aren’t many dance companies in this county or in the tristate. They want to eventually open their own studio, but they’re a long way away from being able to do that.”