“I was only with him because of her.”
“No, you weren’t.” He knew me better than I’d thought.
But the reasons I’d been with him didn’t matter either. Nor did it matter that I would bend to him the way he liked. Because the more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that it was Amber’s backbone that was what attracted Reeve to her. “He’ll take her back.”
“Don’t be so certain of that. You’re too blinded by her to see it for some reason, but she’s a tragic mess.”
“Doesn’t matter. Reeve was in love with her.”
Joe shook his head. “Not anymore.”
As if he knew Reeve. As if he knew anything.
“He loved her so much he wanted to marry her, Joe.” Saying the words out loud was liberating. Admitting the truth I hadn’t wanted to face. That Reeve had loved Amber deeply, and that kind of love didn’t just go away. “He loved her so much he kept her here and wouldn’t let her go for weeks and weeks.”
Joe put a hand up. “Whoa. What?”
Fuck. I hadn’t been thinking.
And I didn’t have the energy to try to cover my mistake. “That’s why she called me. She wanted to leave him, and he… did his best to prevent that.”
“Amber told you this?” He was back to investigator mode.
“She did. But Reeve told me first.” I watched the wheels spinning behind his eyes. “He let her go in the end, Joe.” His jaw tightened, and I pressed on with my defense. “I know what you’re thinking —”
“No,” he interrupted. “You can’t have any possible idea what I’m thinking.”
I let my mouth shut. It was appalling – I knew it was. Especially to a decent man like Joe. There was no way I could explain that I understood it – understood the other side, anyway. I understood what it felt like to want to be mastered and controlled and so it was much easier for me to accept that someone would want to master and control someone else and not be a sick person. Or, at least was as sick as I was.
Joe stared me down, though, as if trying to understand the impossible. He shook his head back and forth, and finally he seemed to give up. “Let me tell you this, Emily – he has eyes for no one but you. And, fuck, I wish it weren’t true. Especially after hearing how he treats the women he’s into, like they’re possessions…”
His voice trailed off leaving a silence filled with judgment so heavy I felt naked and ashamed.
Eventually he threw his hands up. “You know what? I can’t do this with you. It sucks you’re upset right now. Too bad it’s not over someone who deserves it. Because, trust me, neither of them do.”
He didn’t wait for me to respond, turning to head back toward the house.
I watched after him, wishing that his disgust could move me. Wishing I was the type of person who would run after him instead of a person who was wishing that Reeve had been the one to follow after me instead.
CHAPTER 9
Despite the cold, I resumed my walk along the trail, following it over the ranch landscape until the sun got so low that I had to turn back for fear of getting lost and stuck out in the middle of nowhere.
The exercise had been good for my head, though, and, while I refused to steal a man from Amber, Joe’s words had sunk in. Was it really stealing when she’d left him? Maybe she wouldn’t even mind once I explained the situation. There were other men she would have willingly walked away from for my sake. Other men that she had walked away from. For me.
I didn’t want to wonder if I could do the same.
I had to talk to her.
And I had to talk to Reeve. I couldn’t know if her declaration had changed his feelings or intentions until I did.
It was dark when I made it back, and my thoughts were so turned in on themselves that I didn’t notice the red butt of a lit cigarette or the man leaning against the side of the house until I was almost on top of him.
“Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there.” I sounded flustered and on edge.
“Sorry to have surprised you.” The man’s head tipped toward me. “Emily, right?” he asked, as he exhaled a puff of smoke.
I squinted at him, trying to place him, but I couldn’t. In fact, I was certain I hadn’t seen him before. He had to be one of the ranch guests, which didn’t explain how he knew me. “That’s right,” I said tentatively. “I don’t think we’ve met.”
He tilted his head as he took another slow draw from his cigarette. “Nope. We haven’t.” Even in the dark, I didn’t miss the hungry way his eyes groped my frame.
He took a step toward me, and I readied myself to run. Just then, the front door slammed open. I looked up to the porch to see a couple of Reeve’s men leaving the house. When I turned back, the man wasn’t there anymore. I glanced around and caught sight of him circling around behind the building.
A man didn’t run off that easily if he hadn’t had ill intent.
I shivered. I wondered if all of the guests were that creepy. No wonder Reeve was wary of them. Suddenly, I wanted to run and tell him about the encounter.
Then, at the top of the stairs, I noticed his door was shut, which meant he was in there. But what if he wasn’t alone? What if the conversation with Amber at dinner had led them to his bedroom?
Before I let myself get worked up, I looked to Amber’s door. It was shut too. It was the first time I’d seen it closed since her arrival, and my mind jumped to a hundred different possible conclusions. Maybe she was exercising her new babysitter-free status. Maybe she was puking again in the bathroom and wanted privacy. Or she was making out with one of the ranchers. Or crying over whatever Reeve had said to her after I’d left them.