She turned him down. I kept coming back to that. She’d left him. For reasons that she could justify until she was blue in the face, and it still didn’t change the fact that she’d let him go. She’d forced him to move on. That wasn’t something she could just take back.
Except it wasn’t that simple. Like she’d told him earlier, Reeve had made mistakes too. He’d pushed her to run.
And I’d made mistakes as well. I’d gone after him for me, not her. If I’d walked away when I’d thought she was dead, if I hadn’t pushed him for a relationship, maybe his reaction to her return would have been different.
None of that was relevant, though. The whys and the hows and the blame – it was all rough water under a very high bridge. The only thing that mattered now was who would back down. Who would give in. Who would give up.
Our history did not bode well for me.
I shook my head, my neck tense as I struggled to temper the threatening sob. “This is the worst thing you’ve ever asked me to do, Amber. He’s the only person I’ve ever loved besides you.”
“And he’s the only person who’s ever loved me besides you.” She was hard and unwavering. Set in her decision.
And the more resolute she grew, the more I fell apart. “You’re really going to do this, aren’t you? You’re really making me go.”
“If you stay, can you really be happy knowing I’m not? It’s not like I have the choice to leave like you do. Not with Micha after me. It will be like this, like it is now, day after day after day. Can you keep living like this? Because I can’t.”
She used pretty words. I’d feel for her if I had anything beyond what I was feeling myself. Right now, my primary emotion was contempt.
“Say it,” I demanded. “I need you to say it again. Tell me exactly what you want from me.” If she couldn’t say it, I wouldn’t have to obey.
She didn’t even hesitate. “I love you, Em. And I want you to leave.”
Funny how being so let down felt like falling, and I wondered if this was how Missy had felt, tumbling through the sky, seeing the bottom get closer every second of her descent.
“There’s a flight tomorrow off the island,” Amber said. “I’ve already checked. It leaves in the morning, and I know the manager at the resort. He’ll be able to get you a seat. It’s never a full flight.” There was more, words that made sense but sounded far away and out of tune.
I hated that she assumed I’d just do as she’d asked. But more, I hated that I would. She had power, and I kowtowed to it. It was what had drawn her to me. It was what had drawn Reeve to me, too, and it wasn’t a trait that I could suddenly shed, no matter how much I wanted to. No matter that it brought me here, plummeting to the ground.
“I should let you get some sleep,” Amber said, drawing my attention after she’d finished talking. Or maybe she’d been silent a while. I’d stopped paying attention. “I’ll give you all the info you need in the morning.”
I perked up as she started toward my door. “Let me change and I’ll walk you. I don’t think you should be roaming the compound alone.”
The bathroom clock flipped to nine thirty-three as soon as I shut the door. I allowed myself one minute – exactly sixty seconds – to crumble and break apart. When the clock on the counter flipped to nine thirty-four, I gathered myself together, stripped off my conservative one-piece, and put on the robe that had been hanging on a hook next to the door.
We were quiet as I walked her down the hall, past the room that I now knew was Reeve’s, to the courtyard.
“Good evening, ladies,” said Tabor, one of the security guards. “Headed to your room, Ms. Pries? I’ll escort you.”
“I’ll watch you from here,” I said, even though it wasn’t necessary with Tabor there. “I’ll stay until your light goes on so I know you’re okay.”
Amber turned to me, her expression soft and grateful. “Thank you, Em. For everything.” She leaned in and pressed her lips to my cheek.
And I smiled tightly and tried not to compare it to the kiss Judas had given Jesus that night in the Garden of Gethsemane, a kiss of betrayal. Tried not to focus on the sacrifice that she had forced upon me. Tried to pretend that this last kiss of hers was not one that brought quite so much pain.
Then she and Tabor were walking away, and her light went on, and the guard took his post in the courtyard, and I wondered if instead it were I who was Judas and she the betrayed. Because, as soon as I turned from her, I went to Reeve’s room. And, without knocking, I opened his door, threw off my robe, and fell naked at his feet.
Then I gave him the three words he’d been wanting to hear for so long, the three words I could no longer give to Amber. “I trust you.”
CHAPTER 23
Reeve had been lying on top of his bed when I walked in. He’d changed from his swimsuit into pajama bottoms, and the smell of body wash erased the smell of chlorine, suggesting he’d showered since I’d seen him.
Now, as I knelt naked in front of him, he stood and looked down at me.
“I trust you,” I said again, wanting him to hear it as much as I wanted to feel the words on my tongue. From me, they were equivalent to an I love you. They were bigger, even. They were the strongest words I could ever say to someone, and I needed Reeve to know this more than any other thing I left him with.
He looked down at me. “I was going to go easy on you.” God, his voice was raw and textured. It scratched along my spine, straightening my back and waking every nerve ending in my body. “You know that I can’t now, right?”