I'm grasping the armrests of my seat so hard, I think I might crush them. What if I'm too late and she's already with this jerkoff? It's a real possibility. She wouldn't have a reason not to be. She has no idea how much I love her or the lengths I've gone to to find her. I'm certain she thinks I've moved on to my next companion. Why wouldn't she?
And then I think of the woman I almost made number fourteen. She gladly went up to a hotel room with me, a complete stranger, only minutes after meeting. She was going to let me f**k her because the man she loved didn't return her affections. She wanted him out of her head that badly, if only for as long as it took to get off. That's who I could be to Laurelyn—the man she needs out of her head so badly, she'd let this guy f**k her to erase me.
This is bad. Very bad.
I consider leaving my seat and walking toward the stage so she might see me and know I've come for her. I want to see her reaction. I need to look into her eyes so I'll know if I'm still the one she loves. Or if it's him now.
I get up but my feet are frozen in place. They won't obey the commands being sent by my brain. They're smarter than my head or my heart. As much as I want her to know I'm here, I can't because I'm certain security would stop me from moving closer to the stage.
The eye-fucker finishes his song and Laurelyn trades her guitar for another instrument—maybe a mandolin. She never told me she played anything but the piano and guitar, so I'm suddenly jealous that these blokes know something about her that I don't.
They begin the next song, a duet called "Tell Me What I Want to Hear." Great. That's exactly what I want to watch—the two of them sing together. There's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well take a seat and calm the f**k down.
They go through the rest of their set and I watch this bloke eye-fuck Laurelyn for almost two hours. It's brutal to see it happening when I can do nothing about it. I'm mad as hell, but do I really have the right to say anything? I don't know, but I damn sure plan to find out.
When it's time for the last song of the night, Laurelyn takes the stage front and center—as she should've done all night—and I recognize the song coming from her bandmate's keyboard.
"This song is one I wrote when my best friend and I traveled out of the country several months back. I found myself with a lot of time on my hands and took the opportunity to do a little songwriting. I began writing it while we were there, but I couldn't quite make myself finish until about a month ago. It's called 'Without a Goodbye.'"
I'm waiting for your heart to wake
So you will ask me to stay.
My heart is impatiently waiting around
To hear the words it's begging you to say.
But if I remain and the words never come,
It's a pain I don't think I can take.
So I should go now without a goodbye
And you'll never have to see these tears I cry.
I should go now without a goodbye
And I won't have to hide the pain in my eyes.
I made the decision to walk away
And now there's so much distance between you and me.
Now you're so far away, so very far away.
Will you always remain out of my reach?
It's easy to lie myself but
I fear my stupid heart will never be free.
So I left without a goodbye
And you'll never have to see these tears I cry.
I left without a goodbye
And I won't have to hide the pain in my eyes.
Now it's been so long since I touched your face
I can't stop thinking of those days.
I'm looking back at your photos
And wondering if it's wrong for me to say.
I'm here all alone and I feel weak.
Maybe I made a mistake when I walked away.
And I was wrong to leave without a goodbye
Because now you'll never see I want to try.
I was wrong to leave without a goodbye
Because now you'll never see the love in my eyes.
It's a beautiful song, but so sad. The lyrics describe us perfectly, and I know in my heart, she's singing about us—at least I hope she is since the words describe making a mistake by leaving without a goodbye. It has to be us.
The show ends and the people file out around me. I sit motionless. It takes a while but the auditorium eventually clears. Before I get up, I take out the single long-stem red rose I tucked away inside the Martin's case.
With her guitar in one hand and the rose in the other, I begin the walk that will end my long search to find my beloved. I'm wound tighter than a spring—partly because I've watched Don-fucking-Juan make moves on my girl all night—but more so because I'm finally about to see the woman I love with all my heart.
Once I make my way down to where the stage leads toward the back, a security guard stops me. "No one is allowed back there except the band and the staff."
"I have Paige's extra guitar." I hold up the evidence in my hand.
He crosses his arms and puffs his chest. "Sorry. If that belongs to one of the musicians, then you should make other arrangements to get it to her."
I can see that muscle man won't be sweet-talked, so I pull out my wallet to begin our discussion in a manner that may persuade him. I take ten hundred-dollar bills and hold them in front of his face. "One thousand dollars cash. It's yours if you let me back so I can give Miss McLachlan her guitar."
His eyes grow large and he looks around. He reaches for and swipes the cash from my hand. "If you get caught, don't you f**king tell them it was me that let you back. Got it?"
Bingo! "Absolutely not."
He swings a door open and points down a hall. "She should be in the lounge while they're packing up the stage. Third room on the left."
"Thank you."
He shuts the door behind me. I stand in the corridor for a moment and take a deep breath. My heart slams against my chest, trying to escape to find its mate. It's drawing me to her because my heart requires her to feel complete again.
I make my way down the hall. I pass a couple of blokes along the way but they see the guitar case in my hand and say nothing. I stop at the door and hesitate because I'm scared shitless.
The door is cracked and I see Laurelyn sitting on a couch—with the eye-fucker beside her. His hand is on her leg and he's rubbing it slowly—just the way I did so many times. Fuck! He's touching her but even worse, she's letting him. And it's breaking my heart. I'm sure I feel it shattering into a million pieces as I stand here witnessing the one thing I was so afraid of.
I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping I'm seeing this wrong or that my mind is playing tricks on me. When I open my eyes again, he's leaning over. To kiss her.
I turn away. Sickened. Devastated. Heartbroken.